My dog is weeping for his love, / the games they played led to their down fall, / today she is in the pound, / and I sit here with a heavy ...
My dog is weeping for his love, / the games they played led to their down fall, / today she is in the pound, / and I sit here with a heavy heart, / guilt overwhelms me, / how could I sentence my dog to death row, / I thought I didn’t love her, / but why then did I and my kids weep for her? / I wish I could have at least said goodbye, / I was at work , / it was there master who took control, / he said he could no longer deal with there escapades, / their daily escapes, / nor could the neighbours who put them in prison in the first place, / but we had to make a decision, / as our bank balance never lies, / and the ring leader remains on death row.
and darkness fell silent that night / one man’s freedom, another’s fight / such disbelief and questions rife / yet, even in death, there …
and darkness fell silent that night / one man’s freedom, another’s fight / such disbelief and questions rife / yet, even in death, there is life distorted shadows ebb and flow / shrouding all as I let you go, / but out of the depths that I mourn / a renewed sense of hope is born as with each season’s turn of leaf / hands of time will encircle grief, / under rainbows of hopeful hue / I will whisper a goodbye to you.
With the sudden, albeit expected, passing of What’s Hot...
With the sudden, albeit expected, passing of What’s Hot , it’s time to reflect and remember the good times we shared with that famous RedBubble character. What’s Hot was a close friend. What’s Hot was a steady mover. What’s Hot was always there – just like an itch in the crotch. In memory of our dearly departed, I’d like to share my favourite What’s Hot moment. With sadness, Danny’s rare photo depicts the final gasp of What’s Hot as it ran aground. God bless you What’s Hot – may you rest in pieces.
Walking out of the door the heat hit him – it had been hot for weeks now. Tar melting between the cobbles becoming stretchy, becoming sti…
Walking out of the door the heat hit him – it had been hot for weeks now. Tar melting between the cobbles becoming stretchy, becoming sticky, like hateful chewing gum caught in the teeth of the street. He looked around – still the wooden lollysticks collected in the gutter, discarded after every visit of the ice-cream van. These, at least, brought joy, twisted and weaved into miniature rafts and perfect for floating down gutters when the rivers eventually came. There was something special, magical even about these rafts. Small, flimsy individual elements would come together as a whole, becoming strong and resilient to the storms that crashed down when the rain came. He couldn’t remember who’d first taught him to weave these sticks. Had anyone? Perhaps it had come from an innate spirit to create, to make, to escape…
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If you haven’t already done so, and you are so inclined, please take a moment to VOTE for my entry in the Missing Challenge – it’s based around the concept of missing your loved ones and I entered Face of a Mourning Angel , which is dedicated to the memory of MY Angel – my baby sister… VOTE FOR ‘FACE OF A MOURNING ANGEL’ Thank you, / Perspective
Thanks so much to the moderators for giving my new day a little extra shine! It’s so much fun to check on your bubble and find an overnig…
Thanks so much to the moderators for giving my new day a little extra shine! It’s so much fun to check on your bubble and find an overnight delivery like this! / The featured works are: “Ibis design” “Persian tabby cat” “Early morning mourning dove” “Newly trimmed hibiscus bush” Thanks again go out to the great hosts! Randi Bailey / AKA Infoframe Dynamics
Saying Goodbye was featured in Emotive Art – Not Happy Campers..
Saying Goodbye was featured in Emotive Art – Not Happy Campers today! I am honored it was chosen. Thanks to the hosts! I still have a few more thoughts for this series, so stay tuned! =)
Firstly, let me introduce myself. I am a 56 year young woman who lives purely by the experiences that I bring into this life, and likes …
Firstly, let me introduce myself. I am a 56 year young woman who lives purely by the experiences that I bring into this life, and likes to write about what I not only observe but also learn from those experiences in writings such as this one. I have been through some amazingly wonderful experiences and I have been through some hellish ones and as such I have learnt a lot by those experiences. I know depression only too well as well as how feeling, or being, alone can brings ‘things’ to the surface of consciousness. And thanks to God, I know the meaning of understanding Love, not only towards others but also towards my self in the form of self-respect and as a result of that, self-esteem. My ‘insight’ into depression has stemmed from many things in my life. The ‘enforced’ feelings of abandonment as a child which were suppressed and which later surfaced at a time those feelings were meant too. The ‘enforced’ feelings of being violently threatened by a husband who had a penchant for living with a fireman’s axe under our bed for 22 months and telling me he could chop me up into pieces and get away with it with the use of a certain British Law in force at that time and who also brought a gun into our apartment when living in the USA trying to use the same force to gain manipulation and control over me along with the same excuse of being able to get away with it under the same Law which was also in force in America. Along with that also came the ‘enforced’ feelings of betrayal I felt by that loved ones use of adultery, alcoholism and drug abuse both self-inflicted drug abuse, in his case, anything that got him away from his believed problems and psychiatric drugs given to him by doctors & psychiatrists. I did leave him a number of times. I am not a complete idiot but I also forgave him as many times realising his tactics where games of manipulation bought on by his own problems of which he alone has still yet to face. His main problem was that he was a spoilt child. Not spoilt in the meaning of being given whatever he wanted as a child but spoilt in the fact that both his folks worked not that his mother had to but because she liked the social aspect of working. She didn’t want the responsibility of being a mother even though she wanted children. That decision made him feel abandoned as a child, made him feel unloved, made him feel unnoticed and due to the lack of parental guidance gave him no lessons in self-discipline. Spare the rod and spoil the child. An old biblical saying that I believe a lot take as meaning: spoil the child; buy them anything they want, take them anywhere they want, let them do anything they want. To me, it doesn’t mean that at all. To me, that saying means if you spare the rod (discipline – as it means in theological language; not a stick to hit them with) then you do spoil (mar) the child, as you don’t teach them with guidance using self-discipline as the lesson thereby spoiling their chance of having a good life with understanding the benefits of self-discipline. I say ‘enforced’ feelings about the above incidences as, to me, they seemed to be the feelings others were trying to inflict upon me and indeed did at some points of my life when I was led into a very confusing period for 28 years living with an alcoholic adulterer who I loved dearly and don’t to this day regret knowing as I did certainly learn a lot from that wonderful character. I had a lot of experiences with my now ex-husband including the possibility that I have children with him. I say the possibility as it is a situation that included surrogate mothers to carry my fertilised eggs to birth upon which he then had full control over the children. I have never met them but I have been advised that they exist on many occasions when my ex-husband wanted total control over a situation. He use to say something about these “supposed children” but then later he would deny saying anything at all about them telling me I was mad for even thinking there were any children. Regardless of the fact he rang my father from the USA, where he was apparently at that stage living during a hiatus in our relationship, approximately10months after I had an operation where they used an IVF egg pick-up instrument during the operation, and advised my father that he had just become the father of a daughter. My father rang me straight away to tell me about the call he had received from Los Angeles advising me what was said during their conversation and telling me that it was about time I found out what was going on in my life and then promptly hung up on me. It seems neither of them wanted to actually tell me. I had noticed the instruments sitting on the tray that was wheeled over beside me before the anaesthetist administered the drug to put me under. And, I was also shown a photograph of a young pregnant woman who my husband told me had carried his baby. Of course, he has denied telling me anything of the sort and denied showing me the photograph of the young woman adding that I am mad to think anything like that had gone on but of course, when he is drunk I hear the stories of it all over again including a time when we got back together again in Sydney and were sitting in a coffee shop talking about reconciliation for about the eighth time and he asked me how I would feel about being the mother to, at that stage, two young children of which he was the biological father. When I asked where their mother was he advised me they had surrogate mothers. My husband had a saying that he use to say to me often which was ‘with enough money you can buy anyone or anything’. As far as I knew he was not that rich since I was the one working to pay for our living costs whenever we were together so this was another mystery to me about this stranger that I had allowed myself to marry as I wondered where he got the money from to pay the surrogate mothers of these two small children. Of course a few months later when we had reconciliated the children never materialised and he as usual denied ever saying anything of the sort. Yes, he tried to be a complete dominator using manipulation tactics over me. However, I am not that easy to dominate or manipulate being that I was born believing to be an individual with independence although retaining the knowledge that we are all interdependent and I have been that way all of my life. I also had a good teacher. My mother was also a dominator who tired to use manipulative tactics from which I took very good observance of watching her tricks to try to dominate others. I personally ignored my mother when she tried to dominate me on the advice of my father which of course would annoy her but that was not my problem. My mother had the problem, as I believe it is truly wrong to try to have domination over another for any reason whatsoever. And to also use the force of manipulation for domination is nothing short of mental illness. After all, God gave everyone freedom of choice. I will say that I went through a heck of a lot of confusion with my ex-husband. Oh and let’s not forget the violent rape I endured as a 16 year old virgin along with being sacked from 5 different jobs in the business world over a period of years including one time when I was in hospital and during a hiatus between operations laying in my hospital bed when the news of that sacking took place. Must not forget the 11 operations I have had to endure mainly of ‘woman’s’ problems no doubt created by the rape from the age of 18 up and through the use of the Copper 7 IUD contraceptive device all of which rendered my memories in a haze for 11 years which is why I now prefer to stick to my own path in life without doctors and operations and continue with my art instead of working for a business corporation. And to top it of, the death of both my parents followed a brother who stated to me after our mother’s death that he never wanted a sister, never considered he had ever had one and did not want one now although I already knew that due to his treatment of me all throughout my young life as his sister but that’s his problem as I have never said I didn’t want a brother, so I still send him cards on special occasions. The above are some of the experiences I have had to endure in my life and through those experiences I have learnt a lot about the state of depression but through it all I have never allowed myself to fall into such weakness of character that I allowed myself to become a victim to anti-depressant drugs or any other substance that was not natural to the physical body and good mental health. I dealt with the pain of it all my own way and with the help of my strong faith and belief in God. And, from what I had gone through in many different ways I had every right to suffer the inflictions of both deep depression and confusion and I learnt a lot from those experiences. What I have learnt may help to turn a lot of people around in their view of life. I can only hope and pray for that to be as a helping hand to my fellow brothers and sisters in this world. God said to Lot’s wife “Do not look back or you shall surely turn to a pillar of salt and blow away”. There is a very good message in that statement for people to learn. The message pertains to depression. You see, when Lot’s wife looked back she cried at leaving her past behind and died from her heartbreak. The ‘pillar of salt’ means the tears we cry and to ‘blow away’ means to die as in we don’t stay in the present moment and even though it means that a ‘change’ of life is on the horizon that may create ‘fear’ in some people so they don’t want to change. The truth is if we don’t go with the ‘change’ we lose our way on the pathway of life and that helps to result in more depression. I have every reason for a deep great depression but I no longer allow myself the pity party. When we reflect back on the ‘bad things’ that have happened in our life along our pathway to the now, where we are in life at the present time, we can fall into a ‘depressive state’. Some people sit and stare into nowhere, some cry at lot. I was more of a crier until I realised all I was doing by crying was creating wrinkles and sometimes hyperventilating which was frightening in itself so I stopped crying and started learning from the experiences that I had gone through in my life. I started asking God why, what was I to learn from those experiences but I didn’t ask out loud while kneeling I quietly asked from within myself and connected to that higher energy force from my heart with great yearning to know why I had been subjected to such a mess of a life. What I learnt was that a lot of control dramas happen to people and that we are not always aware of them. For example: parents who have criticized, intimidated, interrogated or whatever and made their child feel ‘aloof’ and as a result the child has cut themselves off from other people due to feeling they may get criticized or interrogated for their actions or words by others, or when they look back at life at what so far has happened in their life the ‘poor me’ syndrome gets acted out. The ‘oh, why did it happen to me’ or ‘if only my mother/father had treated me better’ types. At the time of such things being said or done the child doesn’t necessarily think that but the memories of those actions, those words, get lodged into the child’s sub-conscious memory and comes to the surface later in life where the ego takes it on and starts to eat away at the now adult due to the child within that is still feeling hurt by those past actions of treatment. Oh I’ve been there and done that too but I didn’t get any answers from the ‘oh, why did it happen to me’ scenarios. It wasn’t until I stopped feeling sorry for myself that the answers started to come and by then I was strong enough without falling to pieces and wise enough to sit quietly and listen without judgement or trying to fight for my own opinion of the whys and wherefores. I learnt to listen silently and learnt in the interim of doing so the meaning of the saying: silence is golden, as it certainly is when the answers come with reasoning and understanding – enlightenment. Depression is a form of keeping oneself de-pressed. Keeping oneself ‘down’ as one may have a ‘fear’ about moving out of their comfort zone of which is all they have known in their life no matter how bad those past experiences may have been. Unfortunately by keeping themselves ‘down’ people don’t evolve as they get stuck in a rut of what becomes their nothingness. Their own living hell where it all just keeps going around and around until they learn they have to let it all go and forgive and forget and move on along their pathway of life as they don’t need to keep living the nightmare that they have set up for themselves through their own self-indulgent mourning for their past. Or, they can keep sitting in their memories of past wrongs and keep the depression festering away at themselves, which is what the ego loves to do as it then has control over the person instead of the person having control over it. Yes, that old devil within, the ego gets us into more trouble then we bother to even realise. Forgiving and forgetting is needed to get over blocks in life. We also have to learn to ask for guidance of what we were to learn from those experiences. It is a new step to getting to know one’s self and connecting to a greater force from within – the greater divine spirit of life. Meditation in a park like setting is a good place to start as nature exchanges energy with / humans. It is a source of a far stronger divine universal energy and helps to lift people’s spirit to where they should be in life. Meditation also teaches people to connect to their inner spirit for guidance as we all have the answers for ourself within ourself. Control dramas are something that was set up within people eons ago when societies started losing their connection to God’s nature and started thinking more from human’s ego instead. / Maybe it was a necessary function that enabled this world to progress to this point in time to become the technological age that it has but over use of such control dramas have now become forms of mental illness as one sets themselves against another and loses their own direction of self and their sense of being for it must never be forgotten that God gave everyone freedom of choice and without that freedom of choice the soul mourns and the spirit depletes. Depression is sparked from control dramas. Some parents use control dramas on their children as a form of energy exchange and children do the same back to their parents in other ways of control for their quota of energy. This system then sets up a depressed state in a child as they feel misunderstood or ‘out of tune’ with their parents or peers. They may also feel that they don’t belong not only with these parents but also in this world. And, the parents get annoyed then depressed for getting annoyed because the child won’t play the game of being controlled so patterns are then set up within the household that create animosities which over time everyone feels guilty for and hides their feelings from each other. All feelings of such should be discussed; aired out and forgiven otherwise no-one member can move on without feelings of guilt, sadness and eventually depression. Over time of course it will slowly be forgotten, particularly by children but the memory will still sit within the sub-conscious until the day the ego decides it needs to be paid attention and it will bring the memory back to the surface where once again depression will become the game of the day for the ego to get its desired attention. This tactic of the ego is what keeps people down and from reaching their potential goals with any great happiness or bliss. They are doing it to themselves for allowing themselves to continue harbouring the feelings of past hurts be that rejection, words said in anger or any other action that was taken against them for whatever reason. They are still the ones allowing themselves to dwell on those past actions. Children are a lot closer to the divine energy of God than their parents who through time have moved further away chasing their adult pursuits, and as such feel lost and get depressed too but adults really need to ask themselves: do they really need more in the way of material possessions. Do they really need more in the way of domination over another which is just keeping that form of mental illness occurring in society creating more animosity of one against the other. The spirit within each and everyone doesn’t need to be dominated. It knows more than the ego of each and everyone will ever know. It is the key to enlightenment and the teacher of knowledge that is not even in educational books and it is freely within each and everyone who is having a physical experience upon this earth – if they want to connect to it from within their own heart and through their desire to be free of self-inflictions. What I learnt more than anything from all the horrendous experiences I have gone through in / my life is that no one else lives my life. Only I do. No one else makes me do anything. Only I give myself permission to do whatever I choose to do and as such I have no right to blame anyone for what has happened to me in my life, I only have myself to blame for allowing myself to have those experiences in the first instance. I chose to be with my ex-husband. No one forced to be with him. I chose to go to the beach where I got raped instead of to work. No one made me go. I allowed myself to be convinced by the doctor that a Copper 7 IUD was the best contraceptive way for me to go. I could of said no. I chose to take up smoking. No one made me take it up. I chose all my experiences so therefore I cannot blame another but myself and once I realised that truth then I also chose to stop allowing myself to be depressed by forgiving myself and then allowing myself to stop looking back and just get on with life as it is now, not yesterday, the past which has been and gone, history that can never be changed but the present moment in which I breath and therefore live. And I thank God for allowing me to see that I chose to be a victim of my own making just like everybody else with depression chooses that for themselves too. It has always been your own choice just as it can be your own choice to let go of your depression, anxiety or any other self-induced infliction and start living the life you have been reaching for but are keeping from your own grip. And, as the old saying goes: God helps those that help themselves. And that I can testify is true. © C J Lewis, 2008 Here are some interesting, and enlightening, videos for those interested in watching the way psychiatrists have been pushing drugs upon people suffering from depression. I chose not to fall into the trap of such temptation, as I didn’t feel my depression was caused by chemical imbalances in the brain or whatever other excuse they throw at you. I believe if you are in tune with your body then you will know from within yourself if you have a chemical imbalance. I knew my depression was caused from my experiences. I had kept diaries for some years that allowed me to view back with truth those experiences as written down. Too many people grab the drugs and then wonder why they aren’t feeling any better but instead are feeling worse. These videos are quite an eye-opener. A BIG THANK YOU to my friend blamo for supplying the link to the videos…for what they expose is something I believe, everyone should know about. / /
09-02-2009 / (Aussie date convention – day-month-year!) Hi all, just wanted to mark my sense of mourning and sadness at seeing my be…
09-02-2009 / (Aussie date convention – day-month-year!) Hi all, just wanted to mark my sense of mourning and sadness at seeing my beloved home state of Victoria go up in flames. As a former Gippsland resident of 23 years, with most of my friends and family residing in the South Gippsland and Latrobe Valley regions, it has been devastating to see whole townships lost, and over one hundred people lost. After a frightening, unprecedented heatwave, and arsonists deliberately lighting fires, the state is in a sense of shock. My thoughts go out to all who have been affected personally by the tragedy, and my commendation to the brave firefighters (including some of my family) who stood strong in the face of incredibly difficult circumstances. You can send messages of support to the firefighters at http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,25024926-661,00.html (The Herald Sun website, one of Victoria’s major newspapers). You can contribute to the Red Cross’ bushfire appeal at http://www.redcross.org.au/vic/services_emergencyservices_victorian-bushfires-appeal-2009.htm. The Salvation Army’s call for donations to help those affected by bushfire is at http://www.salvationarmy.org.au/SALV/NEWSRELESE/PC_62629.html. The St Vincent de Paul Society (“Vinnies”) are also taking donations for the bushfire victims http://www.vinnies.org.au/show_appeal.cfm?table=appeals&parentid=0&id=63. (All links accessed 9 February 2009.)
“If you can pray a prayer, give an artwork, raise some cash……lend some heart…..cheer some souls…..this would be greatly appreciated I k…
If you can pray a prayer, give an artwork, raise some cash……lend some heart…..cheer some souls…..this would be greatly appreciated I know…. / we are crying for our brothers and sisters who have died and lost loved ones and their homes….lost everything they own. Australia mourns… you can donate art to help here on red bubble : Phoenix-Appeal / or you can help by donation of money: Australian Red Cross /
Today (Sunday) there is a service being held in Melbourne. Here are some details...
Today (Sunday) there is a service being held in Melbourne. Here are some details
was the worst day of my life this is why It’s…
was the worst day of my life this is why It’s hard to get over / but he’s in a better place / and as my dad gets older / I realize that I need to enjoy having him around until this day will be sad for two reasons, and that even though a life was taken, it made me grow closer with another, my dad’s
Thanks, Art on Paper, for featuring my little numberism drawing! I’ve received goo…
Thanks, Art on Paper, for featuring my little numberism drawing! I’ve received good feedback on this one. I think I will definitely do a larger version of her soon.
Numbers one to a Trillion is one of my favorite groups, but then again, I’m a bit …
Numbers one to a Trillion is one of my favorite groups, but then again, I’m a bit obsessed with numbers lately, so they’re kinda perfect for my work. It’s like someone out there gets me. So, I’m quite happy that they featured not 1, but 2 of my works this week! Thank you! /
I will not be here, on RB, for a few days. Grizzy is nearing the end and we are devoting all of our time with him. We are devastated,...
I will not be here, on RB, for a few days. Grizzy is nearing the end and we are devoting all of our time with him. We are devastated, and anyone who has ever truly loved a canine family member will understand. They accept us for who we are and are truly gifts from God. They absorb our moods and they love us no matter what. They are usually better comforters than people. I went outside and hugged my crabby cowhorse and we’ve been crying all week. Love you guys and if it enters your mind, please say a prayer for us:( I am praying that he falls asleep and enters his rest and does not suffer. I have meds for him if he shows any pain. cathy
Before you crap yourself and call the law this is a photo of a DOLL.A DOLL I MADE.No babies,coffins or cameras were hurt in the making …
Before you crap yourself and call the law this is a photo of a DOLL.A DOLL I MADE.No babies,coffins or cameras were hurt in the making of these photos.I do have to say I feel hurt,because Manxy snuck up behind the background and scared me while taking the photos.I should contact the proper internet authorities because my cat startled me.That is what the net is for right,a place where you can report others for upsetting your sensibilities? / I took some photos of my Memento Mori,Sleeping Beauty doll which I made and is in my private collection.I have been wanting to do some Memento Mori style photos with it.And I did and I’m selling some prints of it on my website in the Gift Shop:Art prints section www.uglyart.net / They are 15.00 for a 8 X 12 inch photo print,30.00 for a 20X30 inch print. Ugly Shyla / Ugly Art Dolls Myspace / Execution Style Clothing Myspace / Uglyshyla.com / Ugly Art Dolls / Follow me on Twitter
Last week was a very difficult week for me. I started the week out digitally editing of some images of mine, for an upcoming show in May….
Last week was a very difficult week for me. I started the week out digitally editing of some images of mine, for an upcoming show in May. I moved from simple formatting changes like size and color correcting, to taking an older watercolor I had that was damaged and digitally painting over it to fix it. I posted the image for you to see. By mid-week was starting to feel unsettled, unfocused, my energy was erratic and I felt restless. At night, when I slept, I felt waves of doom overcoming me. I woke up one morning with my left arm so completely numb that I could not move it or feel it at all. I had to lift it with my right arm and move it aside so I could get up. That happened to me twice in the same day. I started to realize that I probably needed to spend less time doing digital art and more time doing brush, watercolor and ink art. So, I believe it was Wednesday when I sat down and started to work on the watercolor of Bridgit’s Sacred Spring. Almost immediately I started to feel my energy settle, I felt focused and calm once more. Then the sound of chainsaws interrupted me. I looked out the window by which I paint, and saw the row of trees that line the back line of my parents property begin to fall. The owner of the land behind us has decided to cut down the 40 or more trees that separate his cornfield from the backyards. These trees are of varying ages, the oldest being 20 years old. Some of the trees were over 50 feet tall. They were homes and shelter to many animals. The trees encouraged various birds to visit our yard and the feeders that we hung from them. In a matter of days, all the trees were gone. The event was so shocking that I could not paint. The sound of the chainsaw buzzing and the cracking of huge limbs was too horrific to hear, let alone witness. The next morning, I tried to paint, but only was able to work for a couple of hours before the chainsaws began their awful roar once again. I have since learned that the property owner is planning on turning this field, which has been a crop field for well over 100 years, into a housing development. My whole family, saddened by the loss of the trees, are close to devastated. My father is now talking about moving. The view that I have out my window of open fields lined with trees, where deer, turkey and fox run, where hawks and vultures soar above, where crows caw and song birds sing will become a patchwork of houses and lawns. It will become an environment full of chemicals, where people will complain at the animals who wander dazed in their yards, confused about what had happened to their homes and food source. More bees will die due to pesticides and loss of habitat, more species will become scarce and disappear from the community entirely. I understand that a crop field is not entirely natural, but it is much more pleasing and peaceful to look out upon that a grouping of houses full of people, cars, and noisy lawnmowers. (In a housing development that is not needed, when there are many perfectly good houses in the town down the street sitting empty waiting for new owners to move in.) There was something magical at hearing the wind blow through the cornstalks and at watching the deer move through the field at night, not to mention the majestic trees that stood guard at the perimeter of the field. At times, I really believe I can feel my heart breaking. To compensate for the loss of the trees and the impending loss of nature, I have joined my mother in a volunteer training program to become a Tree Steward. We began our training last night, and though it was great to begin, it was a bit bittersweet as we learned such interesting facts about the benefits of the trees that we just lost behind our home. Friday started out to be a better day, as the rain and wind deterred the chainsaws from tearing up what remained of the fallen trees. I painted for several hours and it was nice to have some time to work in peace, though my mood is still rather somber. Unfortunately, the day, which was actually a nice rainy spring day, sadly didn’t improve much over the days before. As I headed out in the early afternoon I discovered the sidewalk in front my parents and the neighbor’s houses covered with strange little yellow and white pebbles. I picked one up and felt it slightly burn my fingertip, I dropped it and saw on the lawn next to the sidewalk a little yellow sign that said: “DO NOT ENTER. PESTICIDE APPLICATION. CAUTION PETS AND CHILDREN” I turned to watch all the little pebbles of poison blow in the wind, across the sidewalk, into my parents yard, across the road, and into the air. I am very afraid, that there is A LOT of work ahead of us before we are anywhere near living in a healthy world . I am going to try my best to refocus, get back to painting and do more research and writing, to try to help educate people about the dangers of their actions and the beauty of the living things on the planet that are disappearing rapidly. I hope to be back on track this week, newly motivated by this local tragedy, to continue to produce art that is not only nice to look at, but informs as well. I am determined to find a way to turn these events into something hopeful and positive. It will take some doing, but it is what I must do. I could not be satisfied, nor would I feel like I was respecting our relationship as artist and collector, if I didn’t find a way to make this into something worthwhile.
I’ve been looking for him and my ex bf, Ronnie, for almost 4 years / I found Ronnie / He went through some tough times, but he made it out …
I’ve been looking for him and my ex bf, Ronnie, for almost 4 years / I found Ronnie / He went through some tough times, but he made it out okay / as for Philip / he died from a heroine overdose not too long ago / I found out the day, and it just made me feel horrible / there was a day where I felt like I had taken a few years backwards step in my progression with depression (ha, rhymes) and I didn’t wanna do anything. I just felt horrible, like the day before I got checked in to the psych ward the first time. After a few hours, the feeling passed, and started to feel like myself again. That day, and at that time, Philip had OD’d. When his death was called, was when I began to feel at peace. / The fact that nearly 4 years after speaking to each other, we still had that connection with each other. / I mean I’m incredibly happy that Ronnie is still alive, but the fact that if I had reached them only a few months earlier, I could have talked to Philip one last time. With Philip’s death, Ronnie got the strength to become sober at his own will. He’s doing good, and every time he responds to an e-mail or a phone call I smile, knowing he made it ok.
Thank you to the Host’s of this group for featuring ‘Victorian Mourning Card’ Trevor !http://images-2.redbubble.net/img/art/frame…
Thank you to the Host’s of this group for featuring ‘Victorian Mourning Card’ Trevor
The other day I looked out, the birds were frolicking at their “fun spot” we set up for them and the furry critter-visitors and I notice…
The other day I looked out, the birds were frolicking at their “fun spot” we set up for them and the furry critter-visitors and I noticed a bird, a lovely Mourning Dove, just sitting there, staring at me… I wondered “Did this little one somehow konk his head?” I remember seeing a pair of these one morning when I was sick with a very high fever and they touched down on the deck railings and looked in the glass doors at me. I really thought I was seeing things and then fell back to sleep. They appeared more and more frequently and no, they were not my imagination as I have tons of pictures of them now… Well, back to the story… this little one was still there after I walked out onto the deck mesmerized by it’s intense look and still, it didn’t move. It stood up and looked up at me so intensely it was a bit spooky! Still not moving and darned it if it wasn’t smiling! ... bigger DARNED IT I didn’t bring my camera!!! LOL! I reached down, and it moved toward me so I picked it up to make sure it was not injured. It wasn’t, and it was staring at me the whole time with what really looked like a smile! I decided to pet it’s little head with my finger and thumb and it responded like a cat does to a great petting stroke! Smiling, I put it down amongst the peas, knowing it would be hidden and safe. Shortly after it flew off…... I felt kinda blessed… but happy that it was not hurt. The next day my husband yelled out “Hey! There are at least a half a dozen of those on the deck! It’s amazing!” They weren’t doing anything except being “just there” staring in my direction… and then they all disappeared!
I need to hear some funny stories or jokes- maybe even a funny picture. I have been put through the wringer lately. Art and talking to…
I need to hear some funny stories or jokes- maybe even a funny picture. I have been put through the wringer lately. Art and talking to people outside of my little circus is what keeps me sane. I’m barely treding water. I got some horrible news today about my uncle who has cancer… I need a laugh- something good to think about even if it’s just 5 minutes. I feel about 10 years older since this past spring. I know I sound like a whiney fool half the time on here… I’m sorry. What do you do when you feel like you are standing in quicksand and you just keep sinking? If emotions were objects and if my heart had the ability to hold them, my heart would be under the floor boards because it is so heavy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ckDhIN1RLg / This song is constantly in my head lately. Update / My uncle has been released home from ICU- they are letting him go home to… you know. I encourage everyone to go and get regular check-ups and tell a physician if something doesn’t feel right. Don was relatively young and had beaten cancer once before. He went to his doctor last December with abdomen pain and his doctor told him “not to worry about it”. Now, he has a tumor on his kidney and cancerous fluid in his abdomen wall. It is inoperable because the fluid could spread to his other organs. He started a chemo pill, but it was not effective. The silver lining is that Don lived his life. He has a black belt, pilot’s license, took up riding motorcycles, travels, etc… He had done everything he has ever wanted to do- those few I mentioned are hobbies that he has adopted just in the past 5 years. Last year he was honored with the “Texas Middle School Coach of the Year”. Texas is HUGE and for him to receive such attention is amazing. The town only has 1,973 people! Don was also a music minister devoted to his church. I am heartbroken that his time has been cut short. He has two wonderful daughters living- he lost his oldest to CF when she was a child. Both girls are teachers just like their parents. Out of my in-laws he is my favorite, second only to my mother and father-in-law. His mother who is in her 80’s babysits her great grandchildren, walks two miles a day, and able to drive a car. I can’t imagine watching your children die before you. She has already lost one son to a drunk driver and a grandaughter to CF. Nam (nick name that everyone uses) has more strength and life than anyone I know. These people are genuinely good… no matter what life throws at them they bounce back. Their strength is inspiring. I am praying for a miracle. Update / God said no to the miracle… Don passed away last night.
Thank you Live Love Dreamers for featuring my work Wednesday’s Mourning...
Thank you Live Love Dreamers for featuring my work Wednesday’s Mourning / Of course, I must give credit to the golden light of Thursday morning’s sunrise for creating the scene :)
Hi bubbler friends. I went to an amusement park yesterday totally to please my hubby, because he loves them. Amusement parks may be amu…
Hi bubbler friends. I went to an amusement park yesterday totally to please my hubby, because he loves them. Amusement parks may be amusing on the day…but not the day after. As ravensoul said, those roller coasters “kicked my butt!” I want to thank all of you who have encouraged, supported and lifted me up over the last several weeks with the death of my grandma. Right now I am all wrapped up in her old fashioned bed spread (it smells like her house), and it can’t be too much under 70 degrees outside. There is your indication of my day today…aching body and sad heart. I miss her. My sadness does not diminish my joy for her that she is in heaven where she wants to be, nor does her being where she wants to be lessen my sadness and longing for her today. Both co-exist together and I am grateful that I can feel joy along with my sadness. I really just wanted to talk to someone today…and my RB family seemed the right people to talk to about it. So thank you again and I look forward to a new day tomorrow. My mom has said to me for as long as I can remember…”This too shall pass.” And I know it will. God’s mercies are new every morning and everyday brings opportunities to love, grow, learn and heal. For today, for right now…I will let sadness mingle with joy, even though the sadness is stronger. Thanks for listening, / Lynn
I’ve become completely numb to death. It’s been such an imperious part of life that I’m not sure how to react to it anymore. When I exp…
I’ve become completely numb to death. It’s been such an imperious part of life that I’m not sure how to react to it anymore. When I experienced it the first time with someone my own age, I cried for days. And now, I’m relatively sure that by doing so, I exceeded the tear allotment for my lifetime. I find it impossible to really mourn anymore. The shock and heartache come quietly to afflict, but are unable to find a way out. Suicide always comes with the stigma of weakness. This is usually by the people who don’t have to endure with the emotional anguish leading up to the final decision. Speculation is worthless, and should not be depended on so fully to explain such intricate despondency. There is nothing more shockingly horrible than when someone is unable to live past 20, or 18, or 16. It breaks my heart that with each loss, the reaction is less intimidating. Death is becoming far too routine, and its burden is weakening the ones left behind.
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