How do you know if a person you have met and had a couple of dates with with is the one. I always thought there would be a wow factor b…
How do you know if a person you have met and had a couple of dates with with is the one. I always thought there would be a wow factor but no this didnt happen when I met this person, what i did think was hey this guy isnt bad. I always wanted someone who is genuine, will take the time to get to know me and have some common interest. I know you can’t decide after 3 dates but I have learnt from previous experience that if you think that a guy has to have everything your looking for that you miss out all together when they move on. Yes I have met someone and yes from what he has said he is looking for someone for a serious long term relationship and from what he is saying to me he is very keen, How do I tell him that yes I want to take the time to slowly get to know him to make sure that I am happy and not just settling for a maybe relationship. I am worried that if I tell him im interested but catious he may not unerstand. Well next date is dinner and dvd’s on friday night, will see how that goes.
I keep telling myself that I’m a logical, independent and in control woman. I’ve always known myself pretty well, and when I do something…
I keep telling myself that I’m a logical, independent and in control woman. I’ve always known myself pretty well, and when I do something out of character or which embarrasses me, I get disgusted at myself, then sit back and think about why it happened and how I’m never going to let it happen again. And then it happens again and I repeat the whole process. Why do I do this? Am I really such an emotional person? I get upset about things that my logical mind tells me are just so small and unimportant. But my heart doesn’t seem to be reading the same guidebook to life as the rest of me. Damnit. I want my control back. Falling in love isn’t supposed to be so difficult is it? I’m supposed to know myself better, not be a mixed up mess of insecurity. How can I expect him to understand me, when I don’t even understand myself? And do others feel the same way? Am I just as normal as the rest of the world?
I have been in a relationship with a guy who I have been seeing since 17th August this year , yes it is not quite 3 months. I was insta…
I have been in a relationship with a guy who I have been seeing since 17th August this year , yes it is not quite 3 months. I was instantly attracted to his genuine personality as I hadnt come accross a truly genuine guy in a long time who was interested in a long term relationship and who was prepared to accept that I had kids and they where part of the deal. We have a liking for old classic cars and some old music. This is not all that i enjoy in life, sure he comes along wiith me when i take photos and most of the time his sone is with us. He gets along really well with my kids and I get along well with his son. But the last week I have had this thoughts that No I don’t want to spend all of my non working time with him ( this could be due to me being single for 5 years) but I doubt that. before meeting him my leisure time when I didnt have my kids was taken up with going to see bands and different music at venues, going to the movies and seeing more european non blockbuster type movies and dining out in different places, not your family freindly chain style places. Seems so far that we sepnd time together going to basic places to eat, his idea of spending the day is looking around a shopping centre and he cant stand lots of different types of music, prefers his old style 70’s stuff which is fine but not all the time. I know he has trully fallen for me and yes I do love him but is that enough. I didnt epect to be dating some corporate type, thats what my Ex husband is. I made excuses friday night so that he wouldnt come over, and again today because its wet we couldnt go to a car show and im off to see a band at 4pm so I made excuses for him and his son not to come over. Am i just not used to things moving along so quickly or should i just let him know that i need me time to do things that i enjoy or should i try and get him interested in some of these things.
Following is another possible entry to the book I would like to publish about relationships. I believe many of us are dependant upon…
Following is another possible entry to the book I would like to publish about relationships. I believe many of us are dependant upon externals for our happiness. We look for so many things to make us happy but how many of these things are heart felt desires? I believe that we have been brainwashed by society with regards to what will make us happy. As a result we become very single minded about certain people or external things we need in our lives. This is none more evident than when we think of soul mates. Personally I do believe in them but believe that in most cases they will only work once each individual has connected to their own soul first. If either partner is not secure their soul mate is likely to become their sole purpose for living. This is the ugly side of romantic relationship. One or both partners become so dependant upon the other for their existence and happiness. The end result is a strangulation of life. Fear of loss being so great that the person feels scared to be truly free. I know how this feels as I have been there regularly. In fact the deeper one’s capacity to feel the greater the fear of loss. This example with soul mates permeates all sorts of human relationship in my opinion. Many parents place enormous dependency upon their kids for their own happiness. Their kids become so important to their own sense of self that these kids become sole points of interest in the parent’s life. Hence once again the parent’s energy strangles the child’s freedom and their own. Some others do this with status or wealth or their own appearances. They place something as a major priority in their lives and become ignorant to other people and activities that surround them. By placing sole importance on one or limited aspects of life they cut themselves off from so much experience and wisdom and freedom and strength. I believe our souls know exactly what people and experiences we need to achieve and maintain joy and peace. The trick is to be open and courageous enough to do what it takes to hear our souls. However these days so many of us seem so controlled by childhood fears that are long forgotten that we listen more to our peers than to our own souls. The thing is society and peers are far from pure and divine. If we are to listen to these controlling forces we are going to be encouraged to be selective and judge mental. To target selected activity and people over looking at each person and activity with an open mind. The thing is the more we think and live like this the further separated we become from our soul and from any meaningful relationship with our soul mate. www.leapoffaith.com.au www.bodylinecal.com
On a different Note… This will interest all of you Cyber Lovers Here at RB.. SASKIA SAMSON...
On a different Note… This will interest all of you Cyber Lovers Here at RB.. SASKIA SAMSON / HAS POSTED A POEM THAT GOT ME TO THINKIN…. / It was interesting because my brother Paul Reyonlds and I were having this same conversation last week… The perfection of Cyber Love…Check out her site and poem and let me know what your feelings are… My post was this: see below in comment box. xoxo just like to feel my way to all of you sometimes when something so relevent as the time we spend here loving each other.. IS IT REAL? XOXOXO
I am grateful to the host, Suzanne German, and very happy you found this drawing fit to be featured in your group. It’s a big honor. !...
I am grateful to the host, Suzanne German, and very happy you found this drawing fit to be featured in your group. It’s a big honor.
josh is treating me like crap. / he’s ignoring me, treating me like a stranger, not showing me any affection, or respect, talking to me ru…
josh is treating me like crap. / he’s ignoring me, treating me like a stranger, not showing me any affection, or respect, talking to me rudely. / i dont know what to do. / i love him.. i know i shouldnt, but i do, i cant help it. / i dont want to break up with him. / i just want some ideas on what i can do, maybe to renew the relationship…. / anyone got any ideas??? please?? from a girl in desperate need of some love.
okay, things are slowly improving. / i mean, josh cuddles me at night now, and treats me with a little more respect. he’s starting to help…
okay, things are slowly improving. / i mean, josh cuddles me at night now, and treats me with a little more respect. he’s starting to help around the house more aswell, to help me out. / but.. / during the day its like nothing has really changed. / well it has a little bit, like i said, he respects me a bit more, but he still doesn’t show me any affection.. / anyone got any advice for me?
It is with great pleasure that I announce the launching of a new group called: For The Love Of Jesus. Sally Omar will also be a host for …
It is with great pleasure that I announce the launching of a new group called: For The Love Of Jesus. Sally Omar will also be a host for this Christian group of believers in Jesus Christ. Our focus is on the life of Christ and a personal relationship with Him. / We will welcome photography, digital art, paintings, sketches and drawings that reflect God’s mercy, love, repentance, forgiveness and unconditional love. We ask that somewhere on the artwork or in the description their is written the name of Jesus or Lord; to glorify God’s precious Son. All writings should also glorify the name of Jesus. / / While we admire the dedication of pastors and missionaries, we ask that you do not use this group as a forum to promote a certain church or mission. Our primary focus is on the life and death of Jesus Christ and a personal relationship with Him in order to grow spiritually. So come join us and celebrate our precious Savior with our artwork and writings!!
“Their guardian angel” was featured in the group Soul Mates / !http://images-1.redbubble.net/img/art/border:noborder/product:mounted-...
“Their guardian angel” was featured in the group Soul Mates / “Abstract reflections” was featured in The Love of Eerie and Enchanting Artwork / I am very grateful to the hosts of both groups!!
“Intimacy – II” was featured in the group Woman Appreciation / !http://images-2.redbubble.net/img/art/framecolor:black/framestyle:box2…
“Intimacy – II” was featured in the group Woman Appreciation / “Face lift (to a self-portrait)” was featured in the group Artrageous RB Artists and Their Creative Adventures I am very grateful to the hosts of these two groups!!!
“Wherever you go, I will go… (Ruth 1:16)” was featured in the group Soul Mates / !http://images-0.redbubble.net/img/art/border:whit…
“Wherever you go, I will go… (Ruth 1:16)” was featured in the group Soul Mates / “Look me in the eyes! – skull tee” was featured in the group All Around the Styles / I am very honored, grateful and happy. Thank you sooo much, hosts of both groups!!!
I am very honored and grateful!! It is one of my most beloved creations ever, and it’s almost 31 years old now;-)
Why do we seek out a mate? Why is there so much intensity around this, around finding the right one, avoiding the wrong one, or pursuing …
Why do we seek out a mate? Why is there so much intensity around this, around finding the right one, avoiding the wrong one, or pursuing the wrong one and avoiding the right one? Next January I will have been in a committed relationship for six years and I must say that we have both been attempting to live a certain “yoga” for that entire time. I still have my frustrations, my idiosyncracies, shortcomings and so does she. We do not have a “perfect” relationship. What we have is two people that really want to know their depth and want to know their place in the the order of things. We use the relationship, its conflicts, its difficulties and joys to learn about ourselves and how we relate. We are together becuase we both want to grow in consciousness. Now everyone has a different reason for entering relationship and seeking it out. I am just offering my own perspective here and it might be helpful to you or it might not. You don’t have to find the “right one”. Its possible to forget trying to be fulfilled by another person and instead attract a partner that will help you learn about yourself and you will help him/her learn. All you need here is willingness, honesty, sincerity and a love of truth. It transcends the rest and then the really nice things in relationship become like blessings of serendipity becuase you know neither of you are controlling it. There are more advisors out there on relationships than there are on health it seems and just like the absurdity of treating all souls the same in the doctor’s office, so we have the same tendency of thinking that a partner is “right” for us. The way I see it, there is no right and wrong, no left and right limbs in relationship. There is only sincere communication or the avoidance of sincere communication. We have an extremely naive attitude toward conflict. We think that it indicates something wrong, never considering the possibility that conflict is inevitable, not because someone has done the wrong thing but because no two people are the same. We are each made of different stuff. Though the base materials are common to us all, the combinations we are made of are as eccentric and unsymmetrical as cloud shapes. Thus, when we meet someone else, there is first and foremost, conflict. It may be very sublte, but its there. Every conversation is a meeting of swords, even with those we love. By saying we should have no conflict withy loved ones is insanity. Harmony may be possible, yet it is not something “natural”, rather something that human consciousness must forge through constant exposure. If this is avoided, what choice do we have but to fester in the wastelands of compromise. This is a deadly erosive condition, this compromise, because it means we stop being ourselves in order to keep the peace. All the wonderful pregnancies of Being that we knew as children, all the potential contained within our seed is compromised in order to ensure “harmony” yet it is a false and dangerous harmony. It is, as M. Scott Peck called it, a pseudo-community. The major problem is, we only associate conflict with fighting, with defence of our ego. Even when I use the word conflict in this article, it rouses all the associations you have with the word “conflict”. Its like waving a red flag at a bull. But that’s not what I am referring to, I’m not talking about fighting for the sake of it. What I mean is that its possible to develop a certain respect in your relationships for one another’s standpoint, and you’re own standpoint. When there is conflict, our first reaction is to make someone wrong, either ourself or the other person. When right/wrong rules our interactions and perceptions, we miss out on the gift that the conflict is trying to give us. Right/wrong makes us blind to the fact that someone else is in a very valid position and has something to share with us, something that can expand our mind and turn us on to something “other”, like discovering an exotic country. All we really have to do is meet one another at the edge and learn how to not make ourselves, the other or conflict wrong. If this was a given, if we knew it was safe to be truly venture out and be ourselves, life would be so much richer. We would feel fulfilled, met, satisfied and full of wonder in our relationships instead of playing the game of superior/inferior or right/wrong. We may actually learn from one another, share and receive gifts of perception and insight because the truth is, we are all indeed teachers.
“Yummy…” was featured in the group Giraffes- the Long and Tall of It! / !http://images-3.redbubble.net/img/art/border:blackwithdetai…
“Yummy…” was featured in the group Giraffes- the Long and Tall of It! / “Safe sex” was featured in the group LMAO ART / “The kiss” was featured in the group All Out Emotion / I am very happy with these features! Thanks so much, hosts of the three groups!!!
“Saint Peregrine at San Juan Capistrano, California” was featured in the group PEACE, LOVE & TRANQUILITY / !http://images-0.redbubble….
“Saint Peregrine at San Juan Capistrano, California” was featured in the group PEACE, LOVE & TRANQUILITY / “I’m listening….” was featured in the group The Patchwork / “Afterlife and beyond” was featured in the group The Voyage Of The Surrealists / “soaking wet…” was featured in the group Light In The Darkness / “Last flames of the valley” was featured in the group American Southwest /
Specifically, do any nice ladies, suffering from romantic quandaries, want to meet a nice guy for the potential purpose of settling down?...
Specifically, do any nice ladies, suffering from romantic quandaries, want to meet a nice guy for the potential purpose of settling down? I’m not saying he’s a terribly handsome guy, or a rich guy, or anything else, but, that he is a very nice guy. He’s funny, he’s charming, he’s a bit of a nerd really; and, most importantly, he listens! He’s got his own personality and he doesn’t try to stop women from having their own personality. Apparently, he is involved in natural health, and, also, performing art. He told me something,once, about some group he belonged to, and I think it is one he was running, which would do things like go stand in the Mall in poses. Well, they did that once. Something about breaking out and taking art to the people or something. Okay, so, does any nice lady want to meet a nice, weird guy? He’s very sweet! And, for those of you who are likely to ask: Religious differences and my current undying passion for Spock: the Scottish version. Otherwise, yes, I’d be interested in this guy! Took me a wee while to realize it, but, he is charming and thoughtful. Location: Somewhere in America Would he relocate? : No bloody idea! Build: Roly-Poly, but cute Best features: Thoughtfulness, listening skills, and open-mindedness of the real variety! As in, he can talk about various religions and philosophies, lifestyles, etc. without getting offended, even if he is not into them personally. Age: Uhm .. I think he’s 40. Between 40 and 50, anyway. Well, think about it, anyway. Not guaranteeing you’ll meet and fall in love; just saying, he’s the sort of guy worth marrying!
This is Brazilian women reality, scantily clad on the beach, in real, unenhanced photos: !http://www.break-fresh-ground.com/photos/201…
This is Brazilian women reality, scantily clad on the beach, in real, unenhanced photos: My point, dear ladies (especially), is that they are not really more amazingly fit, toned, naturally well built, gorgeous, beautiful, or etc. than you are. They have that reputation, yes; but, the reality is that they are women of varying heights, weights, shapes, levels of fitness; some are prone to cellulite; most are prone to having periods, needing to shave their legs, demanding time from men who may be tired and cranky, and otherwise being human. So, buck up! It doesn’t matter that you are not exotic, that you have to work a full day at the office instead of cavorting in teeny bikinis, and otherwise fail to live up to some juvenile fantasy of how women should be. You are beautiful. And, these women, who are also beautiful, also fail to live up to those fantasies. Besides, have you ever met a man whose every fantasy of a big boobed, tan, completely submissive sex goddess type of woman was fulfilled? Yes? And, was he, then, giving, caring, monogamous to her, a good father to her children? Did he mind that her belly swelled during pregnancy or did he treat her as a fertile sex goddess? Or, did they have to live alone all their lives, no children, to keep up their fantasy? Did he still love her the same when her hair went gray and the wrinkles came? You don’t need the kind of man who lives in a fantasy world. You are the only you in existence- you have your own way of doing things, your own looks, thoughts, feelings, and you are all woman! That is enough fantasy for a real man! Especially when it comes in black silk stockings, or whatever else it is that he likes that you, being a happy woman who knows she is loved, are likely to don, or do, for him! This is Brazilian woman reality, after it’s been plastic-surgeoned to within in inch of it’s life, and quite possibly airbrushed: Here is another fine brazilian woman: There were two comments under her picture. One was “hello cool” and the other one was a plea for her to call someone. Here is another real Brazilian woman Here is some interesting, if slightly frustrating writing, from a site for dating Brazilian women: Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with brazil singles is sharing how they feel too early on. Attractive women are rare. And they get alot of attention from men. Most men do not realize this, but a attractive brazilian woman are being approached in one way or another. An attractive woman is often approached several times a day by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often 100s of times per month. Single brasil men have usually have spent time in a brazilian dating service. One thing that turns hot brazilian guys off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying You know, I really like you after you start brasil dating. This signals to brazil women that you are just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast and can not control themselves. A brazil woman is very different from men when it comes to brazilian men videos. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it. When a man sees a beautiful woman, he instantly feels a attraction. But does the same apply for a ukrainian wife? Do women feel attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on? Brazilian girls usually have their attraction mechanisms triggered by things other than looks. Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around? Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men and they are attracted to the way a man makes them feel than they are to looks alone. If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful attraction to you that you feel when you see a young woman. But it is not an accident. You have to learn how to do this. One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they have even gotten started because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money or guys who are a certain height or guys who are a certain age. There are some girls who are only interested in brazilian men videos. But most women are far more interested in a man’s personality than some brazil gay pride parade. Frustrating? Why? Because it is mostly true. Only, when you read it, you should pretty much cross out the word ‘Brazilian’ from your mind, and just leave it at women. If you’d do this, and take this advice for women in your own country, you would be a much happier person, woman or man – even if you are a man in a gay pride video, come to think of it. Men, especially: Being nice to women in your own country, instead of learning to do it only for women in other countries, as a last ditch effort to relieve your loneliness, makes for nicer women, a more pleasant planet, and a more stable economy. Think about it! Why only go off and be nice to foreign women, and berate the women in your own country for their attitudes which are developed because of the way they’ve been treated in their own country? Negative sites, negative jokes, negative t-shirt humor, etc. breeds negative women. And, ladies, that is advice for both men and women! Don’t look at your friends, girlfriends, wives, mothers, daughters, etc. and tell them what is wrong with them. Don’t day dream about other people in other countries being more desirable. Don’t look at airbrushed models and movie actresses and hold yourself, your loved ones, or your society up to those impossible standards. Deal with reality! Reality is that, the world over, most people are beautiful, and very few of them are perfect looking. Pretty much every person you see is someone that is going to make another person’s knees tremble with desire! If it isn’t your knees, then you need to ask yourself how much of it is your own negative attitude rather than their hideous features. Because, in general, when it comes to a man with quick change perceptions, a woman is beautiful to a man until he sees something that would be more acceptable to his friends, or until she is married to him, or etc. Then, often, she is no longer desirable, and the joke is that it’s because she lets herself go, gets fat, gets old. Yeah, just like men do? Is that what you mean? If you loved her, if she loved you, a little aging and growing of love handles wouldn’t matter. Especially once you realized that people in other countries also age, some of them are fat, some of them have zits or funny noses. Yet, people think many of those people are gorgeous anyway. Why? They are relaxed and/or in a different environment and/or ready to see things and people as beautiful. The women are treated better, told they are beautiful, so they behave as if they are beautiful. Here is a fact: If a woman tells a man she is ugly, he starts believing her. If she acts as if she is beautiful, he starts believing her. Or, if he doesn’t, his loss – some other man will. Here is another fact: if a man tells a woman she is beautiful, she will start to believe him. So will he. And, the reality is that, in either case- by acting as if you already are beautiful or being told you are beautiful, you do, physically, become more beautiful. So, if you want the women in your country to be more beautiful – whether it is you, or a woman you are interested in, or a daughter whose self-esteem you want to build up , or whoever she is – look her in the eye and tell her, in all sincerity “You are beautiful!”; and, then she will be.
I told off my favorite Scotsman. I don’t know how long it will be until he gets it, though; if he gets it! Strangely, he is still my fav…
I told off my favorite Scotsman. I don’t know how long it will be until he gets it, though; if he gets it! Strangely, he is still my favorite Scotsman, or, indeed, any man. Just because you love someone, it doesn’t make them good for you! Then, I went and retook the “Which doctor are you?” and, in celebration of the answer, I have looked up images of “myself” the 10th doctor. It’s so nice to be a babe! Although, to be fair, I love Jug Ears, too! This is who I was, the first time I took the Quiz: the 2nd Doctor. Well, judging by the pants and general crazy appearance, that could be right! lol There is one major problem that I can see with Doctor Who: there’s not enough! Especially of the new ones! It’s a good series, you know, that can make me forget, for a time, that Stargate SG-1 is off the air! Back to said lovely Scotsman. Basically, I realized that I had been worrying about him, and then being patient with him, for so long that I bloody well forgot most of the fact that I was completely justified in feeling used, abused, ignored, and etc. Well, I snapped out of it! So … Oh, I wish I could fully explain it to you, because, for one thing, that would mean I fully understand it myself. Basically, I was made promises, then when they were not fulfilled, I was given excuses; then, it got worse. So .. So, I still love him. Refer to top! (grin) ........... Had to come back to fix a link, so, may as well add more! Doctor Who New Earth Clip .
Tired, been sleeping a lot, definite flu … ate way too much candy, started going crazy for steak, realized I am in the midst of a chro…
Tired, been sleeping a lot, definite flu … ate way too much candy, started going crazy for steak, realized I am in the midst of a chromium deficiency. Keep that in mind: if you are craving a lot of sweets, a lot of beef – or, especially, both – it may be a chromium deficiency. Do not chew on a bumper to supplement! For what was supposed to be dinner, but turned out to be lunch, I made an egg dish that involved sauteing mushrooms with garlic and the last of the burgundy cooking wine, olive oil, tarragon, sea salt, red pepper flakes .. onions were involved as well .. and then throwing in the leftover eggplant and green peppers I spiced and broiled the other day, some pink salmon, and fresh spinach leaves. That was served up with a rolled up “slice” of Italian seasoned flat bread, 2 slices of extra crispy bacon, and a wedge of honeydew melon. Mom liked it, Dad hated it. Dad is the person who made us hamburgers with walnuts in them, when we were kids. We dreaded him going into the kitchen, for, while he could cook, he always wanted to put in some extra “special” touch. Oh, and lemon juice – in the salmon dish, not for Dad to throw in! So, now, he complains about it if I do anything remotely out of the ordinary. Says he doesn’t like weird food. Well, paybacks are a bitch, Daddy! (grin) My sister told me about a guy I would probably like, on some site. I went to look at his profile. He looked like an artist. I read his profile: he is an artist. He also likes to read, and seems a bit odd. Kind of cute, too! Feeling oddly like I’m cheating on someone, despite the fact that, officially, I am not with anyone. Not to mention that, so far, all I did was look at the profile of this guy. And, uhm, there is such a thing as friendship between the sexes, so, it’s not like if we did talk that 1) anything is guaranteed to happen or 2) expected to happen. I feel that way, anyway. I am loyal. It drives me nuts!
The Divine Feminine group gave me my first-ever feature on Red Bubble, and they ha…
The Divine Feminine group gave me my first-ever feature on Red Bubble, and they have given me my latest, this Saturday, June 20, 2009. The Choice – II was awarded today by Barbara Glatzeder and Terry Hinkle, co-hosts of The Divine Feminine group, along wtih MoonSpiral. The Divine Feminine gallery celebrates the essential goddess in women, and represents auspicious talent on Red Bubble. I’m grateful and honored by their choice. Link to The Choice – II
/ Speak – Self Portrait – © Jaeda DeWalt / !http://i25.tinypic.com/k3aw…
/ Speak – Self Portrait – © Jaeda DeWalt / / / A B S E N T I A I forgot just how deeply I’ve missed, my second passion, writing . . . until recently. It feels so good to let myself spill out in words. As I write this, the musical ecstasy of David Avarados, “Mayasongs” washes over my sensual soul. I didn’t want to come out of seclusion, I was quite content swimming inside my serene sea of solitude. I was kind of jolted out of seclusion by a magical series of encounters and events. After which, I realized, the box I was living in was getting smaller and smaller as the outside world loomed larger and larger over my isolated existence. I knew it was time to make some fundamental changes. BEFORE this strange series of recent events, I was quite the idealist. I wanted to give my friends my undivided attention, enjoy, connect and celebrate them during stress-free times in my life. Because on Planet Jaeda there are no interruptions when friends are over, no phone calls, text messages, all sense of time slips away. And I love giving my friends the 5-star treatment :). Good food, magical environment and a whole lot of love, creativity, caring and sharing. As a result, a pattern developed, wherein, I would go into seclusion, crank out art, get my business stabilized and then take a break and seek to spend time with friends, make time to dance with life and explore this vast and vital universe. I thought It was a great plan, until recently . . . I had a long stretch of struggle as an artist, made worse, when I recently had to close out all of my Cafepress shops. It was a huge financial blow and I am now struggling to get my head above water and have to start all over, rebuilding my business from top to bottom. The road to friends, fun and connection was getting further and further away from me. I realized if I waited until things were “stable and stress free” I would be away from the outside world and my friends, indefinitely. But I don’t like anyone to see me struggle or know how much I struggle and prefer to hide out until I get stable. It’s difficult for me to invite people into my world when it becomes deprived and desperate, I can handle it, but worry others will have difficulty with it simply because they care about me. So I knew it was now or never, I had to change course. At one of the lowest points in my career as an artist, I started inviting my friends back into my world. And I thought about what it would feel like to have a friend, like me, that disappears on you all the time, won’t answer her phone and floats in and out of your life when it’s best for her . . . well that would feel LOUSY! And the message I was sending was, “I can’t be bothered, I don’t care, this is the Jaeda show, don’t ya know”. The real message was, “I want to wait until I can completely focus on you”. BUT that isn’t what my actions were communicating. Which is another reason I changed course. Stress or no stress, good or bad, chaotic or serene, I knew I had to learn how to have people in my life on a consistent and normal basis (which is actually very uncomfortable and unsettling for me). This attitude also carried over into my art. I stopped creating for a long period of time, because I was determined to not create any new art until I got my business back up and running. But I was dying a little everyday that I did not create. I realized I would have to learn how to consistently create no matter how bad business was. I had several friends encourage me to keep creating, telling me that, expressing my creativity would help to fuel my business projects. It took me until now to follow that advice. And i am so glad I did! So today begins a new chapter in the book of my life. One with friends, creativity and connection, CONSISTENTLY. My walls are coming down and it is simultaneously terrific and terrifying. Good news is, I will be doing a photo shoot in a couple of weeks. It was difficult for me to pick a subject. I really wanted to delve into my deeper issues and more conceptual, photo-construct type work. But decided I needed to keep things simple for now, due to time constraints. So the photo shoot is going to be a celebration of pin-up and old Hollywood glamor, Jaeda style :). Will feel so good to get back into the studio! And this is where ABSENTIA abruptly ends . . . To continue on this journey with me, please read the blog, “SPEAK” below. / —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-— S P E A K After a freakishly long period of self-imposed seclusion, I have emerged from the ethers of my tiny little universe . . . ready to reconnect, reach out, risk and GROW. I had forgotten how a relationship and new friends can ignite creativity and emotion in new and novel ways. I have a 24-hour imaginarium going on in my mind and don’t naturally seek outside stimulation or inspiration and forgot how powerful it can be! It causes me to push up against myself and take a new inventory. This leads to the discovery of unexplored personal and / creative terrain as old selves are extinguished and new selves rise up from the ashes. And that is what leads me to S P E A K. I am so grateful for every relationship I have ever embarked upon. Each one offers me a chance to learn and grow, it’s a love evolution. The lessons are often bittersweet. I have no regrets. It’s always worth the risk. One of the greatest lessons, I have come away with, is that we teach people how to treat us, we really do! Recently, I had a chance to revisit certain aspects of myself, reminded that people often reflect us back to ourselves, though we may not recognize our own reflection right away. S P E A K seems such a simple thing to do, but it is something I struggle with. My voice, my power, were taken away so young, I am still learning how to find my voice. For so long I didn’t have one and took a passive/aggressive approach to getting myself heard. Took me awhile to realize that the reason passive/aggressive people irritated me so much is because it was a disowned part of myself, that I / could only acknowledge through others, possessing the same tendency. This, of course, also has to do with boundaries. I desperately wanted them and always expected / others to set them for me. My boundaries were torn down as a child. I didn’t know what boundaries felt like, looked like or sounded like, it was a foreign land of security and protection that I desperately craved. And instead of people setting boundaries for me, they crossed them. I realized I wouldn’t draw people that set and maintained good boundaries until I became a person that set and maintained good boundaries. I’ve come a long way on all fronts. I still struggle to be direct, to stand up for myself, to set and enforce boundaries. But over the years I have been able to weed all of the toxic relationships out of my life. I am free and clear that way, and it feels so liberating! We ARE the company we keep, I have learned this one the hard way. So every once in a while we should look around ourselves and ask ourselves how we really feel about the people in our lives. Some friendships are seasonal, some relationships are seasonal . . . they are only meant to be a temporary part of our journey, other friends, other relationships are meant to endure to the end. People tell you who they REALLY are by their actions, their behavior, the way they speak of their past, what they share and what they don’t and by the way they treat others in their life. / Through everyday conversation and the unraveling of time you can tell what a person wants, what their issues are, what they need, what they want from you. All you have to do is be a keen observer and a good listener. One of the best gifts we can give people is our integrity and honesty. If we don’t want to be friends with someone and do so out of guilt or fear, are we really doing that other person any favors by placating them? Set them free, let them discover a new person that really wants their friendship. Sure they will be hurt short-term but give them some credit, they will manage and they will move on. I firmly believe that one-sided attractions and friendships are a recipe for needless suffering. Relationships need to be balanced and interdependent. Relationships are best when they encourage us to give from a place of love, freedom and abundance. Relationships shouldn’t steal from you, they should enhance your life, enhance your world. This is why toxic relationships never work. Love is not possession or manipulation. And I am going to say it, the big “E” word. The Ex . . . When I was younger I would try and stay friends with my ex’s, not wanting to completely miss out on the love we once expressed to each other, the friendship, the emotional investment I made. This made it really difficult to heal from the relationship and move on. But then, inevitably, someone new would come along and being entangled with my ex’s meant the new person in my life didn’t have a clean emotional slate with me . . . as my past was in the present, haunting and complicating a budding relationship. I feel that Ex’s are best left in our heart, memories and photo albums. They played a significant role in our lives at one time and we shouldn’t pretend they don’t exist but it’s also good to live in the present and be fully ready to embrace new experiences free from sticky emotional residue. Emotional limbo is NOT a good place to be. However, I am not referring to relationships where children are shared, I have no experience with that and I can’t really speak to it. Patterns are meant to be broken . . . we are romantically drawn to the ones that hurt us at our core, that bring up our wounds from childhood. They call to our inner-child and that makes us feel whole and alive with fantasies we will change the ending, and unlike our caretakers, they won’t hurt us, instead they will heal our old hurts and we will live in love’s bliss. It makes that persons love GOLD to us. We all have a hurt panel with the wrong buttons waiting to be pushed by the right person. That’s what gives us our pattern. BUT patterns are meant to be broken. We can make a conscious choice to not fall into a pattern. We can seek to heal our wounds and co-create/nurture healthy relationships. I am so far from being a relationship expert! LOL But I have learned so many of the above lessons, the hard way and was bursting to share my experiences. More and more, people are showing me fundamental aspects of myself, that I need to change on a core level and I am grateful for the revelations and the chance to learn and grow :). Relationships can go a long way toward self-discovery and enriching our interior lives. Each person can open up a new universe inside of us. Thank you to every single person that has touched my life, transforming it in the most amazing and unexpected ways. PEACE and LOVE / j a e d a / /
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