attention. special offer. special offer. mister khan offers to make on-line virtual suicide for pleasure of redbubble users who think …
attention. special offer. special offer. mister khan offers to make on-line virtual suicide for pleasure of redbubble users who think he deserve now to die. problem to decide how to die if to die. but maybe their is hope? he kind master. maybe their is redbubble users who think mister khan maybe should live, produce and reproduce. maybe even is pretty redbubble girl who want to help him achieve this? huh? problem to decide how to live if to live mister khan says ‘you decide’. i just his butler. (he now drinking cocaine tea on permafrost lawn with anorexic models in rabbit fur coats.)
your last chance to kill mister khan. update. mister khan offered to make on-line virtual suicide for pleasure of redbubble us…
your last chance to kill mister khan. update. mister khan offered to make on-line virtual suicide for pleasure of redbubble users who now think he deserve now to die after serious online moustache abuse scandal and repent for unfortunate deep sea fishing manslaughter incident. problem to decide HOW to die, if now die. (it big creative window no?). fleece say ‘live’. fleece say my master fighting ‘mediocrasy’ which i no spell WarOfROSES suggesting ‘try shotgun mouthwash, then post hirez.’ which seem good effectiveness. if do on big kanvas make nice work too, and less clean up work for butler. i suggest him. jienn heibloem say ‘stay, go…it’s up to you’. what mister khan say is NO. STOP. WRONG. MISSING OF POINT. whole point being ‘up to you’, not up to him’, now he dedicate his life to redbubble like a soldier to the trench. Mrs. Whirligig also saying similairs- ‘Why do you need other people to decide your fate for you? It’s your life, your decision’. i go ask mister khan now this question. he mumble into silk stocking stuffed into mouth. i think what he try to say is after kinky game cannot make decision because hands are tied. and he like it that way. why no pretty redbubble girl who want to help him achieve production/ reproduction? he have noble ears and excellent fetlocks. in our country this very good. mister khan wishing well on everybody, and invite for tea. butler.
mister khan offered to make on-line virtual suicide for pleasure of redbubble users who now think he deserve now to die after serious onl…
mister khan offered to make on-line virtual suicide for pleasure of redbubble users who now think he deserve now to die after serious online moustache abuse scandal and repent for unfortunate deep sea fishing manslaughter incident. mister khan say response ‘pathetic’. and by mister khan’s no research standards, that very bad indeed. oh dear. misterk khan spend this time ‘resting’ vigourously with his famous undernourishing models, pondering death like joan of arc with balls- and now ready to come everywhere, from nowhere, like bat out of the hell. he injecting steroids into brain, and putting crack in his biro. (he no telling what he putting in his crack, but it probabably full strength.) he ready. / he more than ready. / he even grow beard to enter ‘facial hair’ debate at mature level. he say rules changed and nobody tell him nothing no more. he hire three new chimpanzees, do typing for him, and shoot two of the old ones ‘for farting’. you message getting? he message giving. and most important- he promote me to colonel. now i have medals. you no tell me what do no more. colonel butler
i’ve just moved into a new house. my landlady is baba tanya. (baba is short for babushka- grandma in russian) when i was introduced to…
i’ve just moved into a new house. my landlady is baba tanya. (baba is short for babushka- grandma in russian) when i was introduced to baba tanya, i assumed her to be a medium to heavy drinker in her fifties. turns out she’s a light drinker in her late seventies- the cellar is full to the brim with bottles of homemade raspberry wine and apple cider, which keeps her going. i am assured a neighbouring house has a still producing crystal clear ‘samogon’ – home made vodka, which she doesn’t touch, except on holidays. this is the sort of place where holidays are pretty regular. my new space is 8 square metres behind a curtain on a wooden verandah built onto a hundred year old log house, sloping about five degrees to the south. to be honest, it smells of cat piss, which i’m trying to address with agrabathi and citronella. in my ‘space’ (a ‘room’ has four walls and a door- i have three walls, a wardrobe and a curtain.) there is an ancient wooden table, an ancient wooden bed and a thick woolen carpet. the wall is lined with rotting soviet era books and a large tatty oil of a man trying to shoot a constipated bear. rustic is too refined a word. its costing me 275 euros a month, including cooking and laundry and conversation. a lot of conversation. although this might seem expensive, average price of land round here is about the same as monaco. i have to type quietly. on the other side of my curtain a woman, baba lida, is sleeping. she was born here, in this house, 80 years ago. inside the house, baba liza is also sleeping. she was born here 82 years ago. i don’t think baba tanya ever sleeps. she’s too busy arranging the sinister children’s dolls which decorate every corner of the house. the house itself has full amenities, both inside and out. the inside amenites are perfectly adequate- but the sisters seem keener on the outdoor variants- a brand new ‘fitted’ plastic shower cubicle in a wooden hut at the end of the farmstead, fired by a cast iron stove- surely one of the most remarkable engineering visions of the 21st century. just beyond it is the external ‘summer toilet’, which looks remarkable indian to me. the half hectare of land baba tanya tends tends to with her octogenarian sisters bears all the potatoes, tomatoes, apples, pears, raspberries, dill, cucumbers, cabbages, peppers and onions that they need to live without having to worry too much about the green grocer. their ten chickens are in an apparently lazy mood, producing a meagre three to four eggs a day, compared to the 8-10 peak in mid winter. baba tanya’s not too happy about this, but the chickens don’t seem to care. baba tanya’s not too pleased with pirate either. pirate is a dog- an irish wolfhound. baba tanya saved pirate from being put down as a pup for being a runt (he’s more prince naseem hamed than george foreman), and she doesn’t think her kindness has been repayed in kind. the problem is pirate likes biting. the first thing to present themselves to me upon arrival were his snarling jaws snapping from under the gate, the teeth of his lower right jaw conspicuous by their absolute absence. i asked baba tanya about this over a glass of red wine (mine) and a slice of salted fish (hers) this evening. she recalled how once a neighbour had bought a new car- a lada zhiguli model seven- and pirate took such dislike to it that he tried biting out its headlights. headlights are made of glass. thus the missing teeth. baba tanya is almost as angry at the unscrupulous rise in cost of the public transport system in recent years as she is about the unscrupulous rise in compensation demands pirate’s victims have started to make- where once twenty or thirty rubles (up to a dollar) were adequate to hush up a light to gentle mauling, a hundred or even a hundred and fifty (up to five dollars) are now expected- an excellent indicator of the detrimental effect of the capitalist vibe in russia plying pressure on the pockets of pensioners. this afternoon i gave pirate two sausages, in an advised act of friendship. it worked. now he stands very close and stares at me expectantly, and i’m a little bit worried he’ll bite me if i don’t give him more. but on the whole, according to baba tanya, life is good. the water is especially good apparently, as it is on the same main as vladimir vladimirovich putin’s palace, the back wall of which dominate’s the view at the end of the short leafy road that constitutes the village- and the local authority is very keen to spare the second president of the russian federation the sort of heavy metal contamination the rest of moscow’s population is said to be exposed to. i didn’t ask why, but i suspect it’s because he’s good at judo. I’m considering gently introducing them to smack, then switching them to crack as a ‘remedy’, and then rinsing them of their little house. The land’s worth about 2 million. Do you have a better idea?
If anyone is sitting in front of the box – put BBC2 on NOW as they’re showing ‘The Twenties in Colour’ and it is about the amazing collec…
If anyone is sitting in front of the box – put BBC2 on NOW as they’re showing ‘The Twenties in Colour’ and it is about the amazing collection of photos as commissioned by Albert Khan. Breathe in it’s beauty, marvellous!
The Twenties in Colour – on BBC2 NOW (7pm) for 30mins – quick, rush for the remote and enjoy….
The Twenties in Colour – on BBC2 NOW (7pm) for 30mins – quick, rush for the remote and enjoy….
Indeed. It’s a long infamous history. From the dark ages of bubbledom there has been much rumour surrounding the identity of the artist often known as Khan. His associations have been lucrative, and some may say he rides the waves of foam and fame on the backs of t-shirt greats. His sheer abrasiveness, tainted with the eloquence of an editorial commentator is littered throughout the village, emanating with the stench of revolution while the carcasses of his former parodies lie around the old town hall of the Parody and Satire and Lampoon Group, seized and overrun by the extreme ideas of a sociopath. Q. What is the object of your ARSE initiative, and what is in it for you? A simple jaunt through the colourful halls of RedBubble will soon tell you that there is a lot of seriously fucking boring shit going on. I mean really bad. Take the Fungilicious group for example. They should be eating them, not taking photos. And then there is the RPA, which is drier than a nun’s knickers and twice as starchy. I shan’t say anything about ‘Living Christianity’ apart from my understanding of the word ‘living’ is, well, a little bit more alive. When RedBubble was but a little bubbling, things were looking much more optimistic. There is also quite a lot of whining and quite a lot of mutual masturbation. Nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn’t do it in public. To be fair it’s not big bubble’s fault it turned out this way. The square world is just a reflection of the round one, but I’d like to see more groups called ‘crazy shit i saw on holiday last year’ (I know Ms. Pryor would also), and less ‘panoramic views’, and I’d be really chuffed to see ‘fundamentally Islamic’ up on the board. In essence the ARSE movement is a reaction- an attempt to unite similarly ironically minded people and mobilize their collective power for whatever purpose their collective power is needed. to yell, as opposed to whine. it’s been riding on the back of Danny’s lampoon and parody group for the best part of a week, causing confusion, mayhem and disruption, but… we’ve just received news from big bubble of official recognition which may or may not change things, ‘cos I might fall off a cliff tomorrow, and everybody would have forgotten about it all by next Wednesday. What’s in it for me? I’m just trying to restock the rabbitollah’s harem, and make sure that when I log on to RedBubble i don’t get assaulted by pictures of llamas and short stories with punch lines. Q. Do you steal other people’s ideas, as has been suggested in the past? If not, why? Like anyone I take inspiration from anything I see. Occasionally other people’s work- if that’s the case I normally turn it on its head. I like playing with other people’s ideas or images, with the intent of changing their meaning entirely through some simple modification. to my mind that’s not really copying. That [expletive starting with c], who used to sit next to me in my Latin tests, looking over my shoulder, was copying. [Expletive starting with c] copy and I’m not a [expletive starting with c]. Q. As a creative soul, how do you find outlets for expression in Russia? What opportunities are there for exposure? In the ‘real world’ I work with pre-school children, specifically – the richest children in Russia. I’ve had 2 of the richest 10 families in Russia as my clients, and countless politicians, business leader etc in the last 5 years. i make materials for teaching the children- songs, animations, stories, plays etc- this year I recorded an album of educational kids hip hop for using in English lessons, and I’m submitting a picture book for publication with Egmont, who’ve just opened offices here. If I can add anything positive to the idea-base of the kids I teach, who will doubtlessly come to hold the reigns of the nation and their fortunes in the next couple of decades, then that is my outlet. For exposure there are galleries and magazines- the best English language magazine here is ‘the exile’ (exile.ru) fucking hilarious, and deeply disturbing at the same time. The only example of free press in Russia- (because it’s in English). And it’s very free. Never tried submitting anything to them due to the fact they seem to be doing quite a good job by themselves. Q. To be observant, you have done some travel around the place, how does this shape your expressive presentation of ideas? The world is round, not square. If you see something with your eyes, and not on a screen, you can understand it, not just observe it. This is one of the reasons that religion plays a big part in my work- i go to a Hindu temple, or an orthodox church, or a mosque, and i feel the same connection with the earth, with nature. Doesn’t matter what clothes it’s wearing, or what clothes I’m wearing. I also understood that the way people live is different. The philosophies, ideals, and morals by which they live, are different. There is no right or wrong. There is diversity, and that diversity exists only because it’s what people want. Do you think Islamic countries want democratic leaders, or strong military rulers? As my grandfather quoted from someone I’ve totally forgotten- ‘every country has the government it deserves’ (Joseph de Meistre). You think in India they want beef stroganoff on the menu. Different strokes for different folks. That understanding gives me the ability to happily include symbols from different places and cultures in my work that possibly might not be orthodox in its employment, but which I think is valid. I’ve never been to America; that is my mistake. / To my mind this travel is not just physical but psychedelic also. I probably did too much acid, about twice when I was out in Goa in my ‘formative years’, tripping for a couple of months at a time. Real flying in the heavens talking to trees shit. When I came back, I sort of discovered I was in Russia. Not the sort of thing you can book from a travel agent. it’s just like in the matrix with the blue pill or the red pill. Those that have understand what a fucking joke everything really is. Q. How do you expect you will revolutionize Russian in the next 5-10 years? I think my results will begin to kick in through the next 20-30.
so the u.s. banking system eats itself, affecting everyone and everything that is associated with it, after providing huge profits by bas…
so the u.s. banking system eats itself, affecting everyone and everything that is associated with it, after providing huge profits by basically lending and charging interest on huge amnounts of money to itself (suddenly the economic system isn’t a group of wolfish competitors, but a pull-together bunch of pals) – money that never did, and never will, exist- valueless promises that were dressed up with confidence to be sold, resold, and then resold, doubtlessly in some cases back to where they came from..a pyramid system that naturally collapses when it catches its own tail and the top becomes the bottom. and the u.s. government decides to spend a whopping series of zeros on healing the enormously abstract self-inflincted wound as the banks literally stuffed their own heads up their arses. the same government that won’t provide health care for their own citizens. how does that work? my congratulations to the republican nazis who stopped bush the nazi’s resuce plan today. at least they’ve got some sort of integrity and understand the hypocrasy of it. and why aren’t the executives volunteering to pay back their huge bonuses that they’ve been paying themselves for the last decade? surely it make sense to prop the system up with the very same stuffing that has been removed, instead of pulling it out of another toy? a silly question of course. I’m being facetious. even if they wanted to, they couldn’t, because being clever, they reinvested them back into the financial system to make them even bigger, because they weren’t big enough in the first place, and now they don’t exist at all, becasue balance being what it is, has redressed the fact that they didn’t exist in the first place. abstract wealth. now you see it. now you don’t. just like to add that i personally don’t have a bank account, and am going to stay as close as i can to mother russia’s gushing oil wells as long as i can. my friends tell me to buy stocks in 3rd world water companies. that to me, is sound economic policy.
THANK YOU so very much Bonita for featuring my artwork KHAN / in the “L…
THANK YOU so very much Bonita for featuring my artwork KHAN / in the LIVE,LOVE,DREAM GROUP THIS GROUP ROCKS !!!! WooooooooooooHooooooooooo !!! Big Hugs !!!!! KHAN*
i received an application for a job i was advertiseing through the internet from a british asian- here’s an excerpt: ”....my parents…
i received an application for a job i was advertiseing through the internet from a british asian- here’s an excerpt: ”....my parents are from India, I was born in England and have lived here ever since. By birth I am a Muslim, my parents decided this for me, I didn’t choose this ;) and I do not practice this. My former wife was a Christian and I believe all religions have a place in society. I visited Moscow last year and I very much like the city. / I am very serious about moving to Moscow and so I hope you will read my CV and give me an opportunity to work for you….” how wrong is it that he has to apologise for being a muslim? is this normal. germans certainly don’t feel the need to do it.
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