How to sleep 

8 creative works found

• On how to vomit effectively
  by Michael Efford

  Prepare yourself the night before by drinking a mixture of beer and red wine along with copious amounts of Vietnamese food such as beef a…

  Prepare yourself the night before by drinking a mixture of beer and red wine along with copious amounts of Vietnamese food such as beef and black bean, spring rolls, chicken with cashews and vegetables, wontons, seafood stirfry, fried icecream. Follow this by visiting a pub afterwards and drinking even more beer and wine. Upon exiting pub, go directly home and to sleep. Do not attempt to drink any water as this may affect your vomiting ability altogether. Sleep the required number of hours. This will be soporific sleep. You will dream lucidly. You will sweat. You will shiver. The cat will drink out of the glass of water on your bedside table. Yes, the same glass of water that you didn’t drink. It might then decide to sleep on your head and half suffocate you, but in an affectionate way that doesn’t really bother you in your drunken slumber. The morning sun glares against the flimsy curtains. Filling your room with 7-11esque neon bright light that infuriates your sleep encrusted eyeballs. You turn over, burying your head in the pillow and feel your stomach groan and wobble. The hot sweat starts so you unburden yourself of your socks and long-johns. Drifting back to sleep the saliva drools onto your pillow, forming a wet patch that eventually soaks your ear and forces you to turn over the pillow, only to find that the other side is also drool/sweat soaked and makes your hair stick together, this is the start and cause of bed hair. Now you know. Your bladder bulges and reminds your brain that you’ve been drinking all night and forgotten to pee. It forces you giddily out of bed and you stumble down the hall to the bathroom to relieve yourself. Hazy memories of the night before coagulate in your brain. You recall that there’s a yellow bucket out on the front lawn. Gingerly you open the front door and tip-toe out into the crisp morning dew. Bucket retrieved and you’re back in bed quickly defrosting your toes. The waiting begins. You lie close to the edge of the bed. You hang your head over the edge and stare endlessly into the bucket. Drifting off to sleep as some preliminary drool siphons into the bucket. Waves of nausea wash over and you know that you’re close. Spitting into the bucket seems to help. Positioning your body, you prepare for the evacuation. A nervous dry reach and then finally — finally it comes. HUUUUUURRRRRRGHHHHH. Bright purple and gushing, slopping into the bucket. The acrid stench fills your nostrils and invokes the second coming. Splattering into the first comes the second wave. It’s thicker and stronger this time. Finally, relief. Wait. No — a third expulsion and your stomach is empty. Your brain instinctively wants to make sure and a few spitty dry reaches follow. Your quickly sobering brain soon realises there’s not much left and leaves you to wallow in your filth. It’s over. You’ve done it. You’ll be ok now. You peer into the bucket and identify some undigested broccoli. Damn that tasted good the first time. Now, swimming in the purpley frothing juice of beer and wine you think better than to taste it a second time. Or do you?

• "I Can`t Wait"
  by tajuanisha

  It all started on December 20th,2007. Larry Smith sat on the edge of his bed with his 2 best friends sitting on the floor.”Man,Larry i ca…

  It all started on December 20th,2007. Larry Smith sat on the edge of his bed with his 2 best friends sitting on the floor.”Man,Larry i can`t wait for christmas.I think my mom and dad is getting me that XBOX 360 i`ve been bragging about all week.” One of the boys said to Larry. “Yeah, i think my moms gonna get me that Dirt Bike and Four Wheller i`ve been asking for.” Another boy said. ” What happened to you guys holiday spirit.Christmas is suppose to be about Santa Clause and the egg nog that you drink at parties.” Larry told them.”Come on Larry you know we stopped believing in santa clause a long time ago.” Travis said. “Yeah Larry you need to listen to Travis. He may not always be right but i agree with him on this one. All i look forward to on Christmas is the presents and spending time with my mom.It`s the only time of the year she can spends all day with me instead of just 10 lowsy minutes” Andy said.” You guys are probably right. But is that all you really look forward to on Christmas?” Larry asked”No.Not really i also like the parties i go to and seeing people i never met before.”Travis answered.Bright and early the next morning Larry got up made him some breakfast set at the family table and thought about what his friends said.Then a knock came on the door.Larrys big sister Jena rushed downstairs and pushed larry so she could get to the door first.”Who is it!!!!” Hollard Jena.”Travis and Andy can Larry come out?”They asked.Jena unlocked the door and said….... “It`s your dorkish friends”. As they walked in they looked at Larry in a unfamilair way.”What”. Larry said spitting his ceral everywhere.”Come on dude don`t tell me you forgot. It`s saturday morning for petes sake why are you still in your PJ`s we are suppose to be out shopping for gifts for our moms and dads. But in Andys case mom.”Said Travis.”Oh. Yeah right the shopping.Sorry you guys i can`t make it.”Larry said.”Why not you`ve been saying you would be free on today.You even made a promise that you would`nt bail out at the last minute.” Andy said.”Yeah i know but.Ummmmmmmmmmm.I…I.I have to help Jena get ready for her prom tonight.” Larry said taking a big spoonful of ceral in his mouth.”What. My prom is`nt until a month from now.Look you guys Larrys lying he does`nt have anything to do but sleep.He was up all night doing some homework.” Jena said.”But we didn`t have any homework!”Travis yelled.Jena ran upstairs as fast as she could.”Look Larry you are my best friend but if you keep continuing to lie like this.We won`t have a friendship!Now are you going or not?”Travis asked angerly.”Alright im going.Give me 5 minutes to change.”Said Larry.”Alright 5 minutes or else.”Andy said.”Don`t push it And”.Said Larry.As Larry ran upstairs Jena looked at him and started laughing.Larry wondered why she was laughing but he didn`t ask he just looked at her and ran in his room.After larry put on his stuff he ran outside to Andy and Travis.”Right on time too.”Travis said. As they left off the porch they ran into 2 old enemies.Alex Matason and Bug Brain.”Well,well,well.Look what the cat spit out.Alex Matason and Bug Brain.” Said Travis.”Aw Travis i think you better leave them alone they got a dog.”Said Larry.”Stop being such a wimp Lar they are not gonna do anything with those dogs.”Said Andy.”I think you need to listen to your boy for you get wiped on my by me and my homeboy.Oh and lil Sparky here to.” Said Bug Brain.”Like i said before you ain`t do nothing with that mutt or your homeboy.”Travis said to Bug Brain. “Didn`t we teach you last that you should mind who you talk to.”Said Andy. “What punk i`ll whip your tail.”Said Bug Brain.”Sick`em boy”.Then the boys started to run with the dog on there tail and the other 2 boys behind them.They hit the corner and lost Bug Brain,Alex,and the dog.”Man that was a close one when are you two gonna learn how to keep your big mouths shut you almost got us killed today. Didn`t you see how big that dog was.He could have eaten us alive.” Said Larry.”Stop your worries he was just trying to scare us.” Said Travis.”Well it worked thanks to you and Andy.By the way where is Andy.”Asked Larry. Then they heard a scream. It was Andy they had caught him and the dog was eating him up.”Help, help.Help me Travis,Larry help!”yelled Andy.”Leave him alone he didn`t do anything to you or that mingy mutt.”Said Travis.”You know you got alot of nerve talking to me and my boy like that.” Said Alex.”You aint gonna do nuttin punk about it”said Travis.”Yeah aight.Try me.”Said Alex.Alex threw the first punch and bam. Travis was out like a light.When he woke up he was in a wheelchair in the middle of a hospital.”Wha…what happened?”asked Travis.”Alex threw the first punch and you went down like that.”Larry said snapping his fingers.That can`t be possible he was just right here.”Said Travis.”Yeah hours ago.”Said Andy.”Andy buddy are you alright all i remember was that Alex and Bug Brain`s dog was eating you up and bitting you with his visus teeth.”Said Travis sadly.”Yeah im okay thanks to you and Larry.Larry was amazing after you and Bug Brain got into it and he knoced you out.Larry jumped in it and took on both of them.But he got knocked down.And had a slittyly sprained arm.But thats okay he just has to rest for the next 2 weeks or so.”Andy said.”Man what are we gonna tell our parents?”Asked Travis scared.”I don`t know about you but me and Andy already called our moms and dads explaining what had happened.”Said Larry.”What.Ya`ll just going to let me hang like that.Ya`ll suppose to be my boys we look after each other.”Travis told them.”I know,i know,i know.But this time we couldn`t bail you out you made your own desicion nobody asked you to help me.”Said Andy.”Hold up, hold up,hold up. You were the one screaming like a little girl talking bout.Travis Larry help please help me.”Travis said immatating a girl.”Yeah but how was i suppose to know you were acutually gonna help?”Asked Andy.”Because were boys and like i said we look after each other.”Said Travis.”Man i am in so much trouble.I can’t stand ya`ll”Yelled Travis.”Yall couldn`t bail me out this 1 time”Said Travis.”Travis we have been bailing you out ever since…..well forever.”Said Larry.Later that day when Travis arrived home he had a sprained arm a concusion on his head and a broken leg.”Mom and dad now before you say anything they started it.We were on our way to the mall when they said they were…...Well you know.”Said Travis.”No i don`t know Travis tell me.”Said his father angerly.”well it all sstarted like this.”He said studdering

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  How to get a good night's sleep
  by Melinda Kerr

  Anyone who knows me knows I love to sleep. My greatest teacher in the art of sleep (or ‘peep’ as I know it) has been my dog, Jess. And here greatest teacher? Dr Flossophy from the land of Nod. Tonight Jess and I decided to illustrate the best four positions of ‘peep.’ A great poster for home and for the workplace. Especially during those all important meetings. Enjoy ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  I Forgot How To Sleep
  by Evan Sharboneau

  This was a Christmas parade car with Christmas lights on it. It zoomed past these people, creating a silhouette.

• How to become a successful insomniac
  by Heinz

  How to become a successful insomniac There are many insomniacs in virtually all communities. There are long ones, tall ones, short a…

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  A Lesson On How To Be Cute...By Farva
  by Tracy Faught

  Always strike a pose, even when your sleeping, cause you never know who’s watching….purrrrr….

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  How to sleep?
  by Sebastiaan Koenen

  Not the most technical sketch I made recently, but the idea had something ‘allright’... Fineliner 2009.

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  This dog knows how to sleep!!!
  by Denzil

  Sammi is a rescued dog, from a loving owner who couldn’t cope. Now she owns me, and I can always cope!!!