Guilt
63 creative works found
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/ Photographer for Hire – All Occasions – Mail Me :) / / My rules for photography and art are very simple – I like it, or I don’t… / / Thanks for visiting my folio :) / I certainly appreciate your taking time to view what I’ve been up to, and enjoy reading your comments. / / / Writings (or ramblings) / Another World / The 3rd / The 10th / Weaver / High-Flyer / The In-Between Place / The Haggard Crone / Come, Dark / Chandelier Brain / Eat Me / You’re Strange, Rick / Ever-Queen / Sleeping / The Black, White & Grey / /
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he'd be nine now
by Yasemin SumnerI’m the eldest of five.
not fiction
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The Fly
by barnsyHis head was aching and the buzz seemed to be growing in intensity. ‘It must be the wine!’ he thought but he knew it wasn’t.
The next installment to this story is The News
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PAIN
by Samantha Cole-SurjanYou firstly say that I am not at fault, / And then you made your last assult.
This was written about someone who meant a great deal to me and I thought felt the same way, but instead crushed me like I never thought possible.
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Damn Brain
by RellaThese brains / These complex brains / So much bigger than we need
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Truth and Guilt - When it's over it's over. (19th August 2007)
by Suzanne GermanHonesty about my memories…the changes / My truth…my tears…the release.
The end of a marriage….mine / This is a piece i wrote at a major intersection in my life – a real crossroads.....I think it is pretty self-explanatory. / It is written with sincerity and comes from a place deep in my heart… It is about acknowledging that when change has begun its ball rolling the best is to trust the process – feel the fear and do it anyway…and remain honest.
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Seduction
by PhotogeniquE IPAYou lie there, / Silent, / Inviting, / Seducing. You don’t see me, / But I see you, / Silent, / Inviting, / Seducing. I reach out, / Run m…
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Do You Realise... (1)
by Melissa VowellNothing is where it should be and the world aches for you, my sweet. Silently you cry without so much as a tear. The hunger and the r…
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A Vicious Preparation - The Blade
by RellaIt will never be / Your face
A little bit of fictional emotion / A little bit hurt / A little bit psycho Preceded by: / A Vicious Envy / A Vicious Intent – The Message / A Vicious Awakening – The Eye
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The Other Woman
by LouilouI hold your face close to / my neck while you come; / Your lips, your breath, / my hairs on end; / Over your shoulder, from / her picture on…
(In my defence, I would like to add…they were on a break!)
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Changes : Seeking Universe's Guidance
by webgrrlI’ve been quiet for the last few months.. / i havent stopped taking photos.. or making art.. / just havent had the time and/or headspace to…
I’ve been quiet for the last few months.. / i havent stopped taking photos.. or making art.. / just havent had the time and/or headspace to put it online here im writing this cuz i need to SEE where im at, hoping it will help me / ive got so many ‘things’ scattering/floating around my life / stress and changes, big changes.. that effects me and my kids / but its just me that have to make these decisions / mega decisions that WILL change everyone.. me and my three kids / i welcome advise, any type of help/assistance My ‘family’ structure has been crumbling around me / from June 2006 till Dec 2007 ive been to hell and back / my youngest of the four children i have has put thru tests i never thought id experience.. / sent me to the darkest saddest space that no one has sent me before / i’ve had to question myself.. my past and my future / testing my strength, provoking my weakness Ive been the tower of strength as long as i can remember / ive always been able to rise above all challenges / except for this time I accepted that i had to ask for help / only to realise there is no one to seek this help, or even guidance / except from strangers… / Relinquishing my pride, i seeked help from councillors, Parents Helpline / only to confirm disbelievingly that my options was minimal… i shutdown everything that makes me happy and smile.. / to attend to the family needs, especially the youngest / even simple things like taking photos at events, dancing and being with people, it stopped. / i didnt leave the house for NINE MONTHS, except to the corner shop, and councillors and doctors / i cried everyday, i worried everyday, i stressed everyday / one part of me screaming for help and support.. / Screaming from the inside, seeking on the outside / but nobody came… Nine months, uncanny.. its same length of time that a baby sits within my body / and coincidence that on the 9th month of 2007 (Sept), i discover a 4cm lump in my left breast plus other weird health issues (circulation) start to develop mainly on the left side of my body.. I take it as a signal from my soul to take care of ME, and i try.. / i scrape whatever left of energy i have, to nourish me / i hangon to my art, as its the only thing that keeps me positive / each card or tshirt that sells, is the lightbeam reminding me to not let go of my dreams.. my self esteem and confidence is in tatters, shredded / i realise though im known by so many / that i know no one, / no one real that can listen or help, or even just empathize / just hundreds of acquaintence, / its makes me laugh…sort of.. a sad laugh Options.. what are my options? / the answers sends me back to the frustrated dark stress corner / People ask me how i am… i answer with “I’m alive” / though many times i wish i would not wake up from the sleep that never goes deep enough to consider it as ‘sleep’ i make myself eat breakfast, vitamins / i set some house rules.. two pages of it, and stick it on the wall for all to see / i seek structure and help.. / i cannot believe that i have to spell it out to my kids about the situation / they are not toddlers.. they are 14, 15 and 17 / Every weekend there are some dramas.. / the moment i am to do something for self, to go out.. to attend my ‘work’ / some farkin drama would happen.. There’s not much of ‘me’ left.. / something has to give..or someone has to go.. / i send my youngest to the father.. / i accept defeat, for i will be totally destroyed, with no use for anyone / i dont want to enter the new year, with this hell / funny how my name means, heaven… i find the airfare to fly her to qld.. / the one way airfare costs me two months worth of what i make here at redbubble.. thankgod..there is that.. It was the weirdest christmas ever for me.. / i just felt so lost..though i was at home / didnt seem to effect the other kids.. they were more concerned with their girlfriends and boyfriends.. / i didnt get a card..i didnt get nuthing..not even a written note..nuthing / i hear my heart shatter..like a burst bauble.. / i cry in the shower…again, and tell myself to take myself out / finally i head into the city….on christmas night 25th Dec 2007 / my last outing was 9th March 2007 / I was having anxiety attacks on the inside…but i didnt backout, i was scared. / It disappeared after the second beer once i got to the venue.. i take myself, my other daughter, my son and his girlfriend, and his mate to the annual psytrance festival for new years..3hrs drive from here / i spend money on fuel and ‘holiday costs’ that i should be saving for other ‘important’ things, but i NEED this holiday.. i NEED to get some sun, go outdoors, dance and be around people i know.. / i trade my graphic design skills for the entry tickets for everyone / i ask the help from my old friends for transport to get us there and back Everything goes well… until new years eve, when once again, i get slapped with a reminder that my kids dont have any “CARE” about each other, or this ‘family’ that i’ve been holding up for the last 23years.. I cannot still comprehend how i ended up with such selfish, uncaring humans / I question universe and self about how our children are Reflections of Self.. / for i dont recognize these reflections at all.. / I push aside these feelings..and try to enjoy my time with my friends, and i plant the seed of Selfishness in myself, telling me to stop caring so much..even my children 2008 : / There is less tears, not daily anymore.. Even a few weeks without doubt and angst.. But there is a new stress.. Money. / With my youngest (14yo) gone, there is less money coming from Centerlink.. $100 pw less, and in March..everything will stop..as my 15yo turns 16, so everything will change/stop.. I have an appointment at Centrelink to tell me that i will switch to Newstart (Unemployment benefit) and no longer get any Parenting payment. It doesnt matter that i still have 2 kids living with me..for they will be on Youth Allowance ($190 pf each) i do my maths and realise that im in the midst of having a Financial hemorrhage / and my kids dont seem to realise how ‘bad’ things are..even though i tell them. i dont know what to do….. / my head feels like a vice is squeezing the life out of me / all the issues just swirl and swirl / i seek the light at the end of the tunnel / but i know its the oncoming train.. (pause) my nearly 18yo son tells me yesterday that “When you move out of here, dont bother getting a 3brm place, cuz i dont want to live with you anymore” and then he leaves the house.. We dont mention this again later in the evening, as there are guests in the house.. Today i enquired with him if he was serious..and he says yes..I says, “When are you planning on moving out then?” He says “When you move out and stuff”. And i replied “Im planning to move out in about 6 weeks time, so you better take this as a four week notice for YoU to move out” I feel so hurt, and confused. I’m walking on eggshells on how i can/should and could..act as a mother..and a person.. Who am i first? The person or the mother..? the hurt must be cuz i feel rejected as a mother, that they dont realise is their best friend..who is still on the journey of finding out the her person.. i put my hand out for guidance….
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THE CHOCOLATE IS FINISHED-at a friends wedding and they had a chocolate fountain; too tempting and the resultant shot is the evidence of indulgence.
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Duff – As Guilty as it gets.
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My own worst enemy
by MOBIUSSometimes i go too far / i see the line and cross it / foolishly i wade into mud / sinking deeper with every breath
Sometimes i mess things up
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An odd assortment of things that gather in the strangest places in my house!
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A Vicious Attack - The Cutting
by RellaPain seeps listlessly / From my limbs / And puddles / On the floor / Where I soak in it
A little bit of fictional emotion / A little bit violent / A little bit psycho Preceded by: / A Vicious Envy / A Vicious Intent – The Message / A Vicious Awakening – The Eye / A Vicious Preparation – The Blade
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Guilt starts and stops here / Hands Series / #2 / #1 / #3 / #4
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Thoughts on My Father
by Patricia L. BallardMy dad has been on my mind lately. Two weeks ago when my daughter was home, she was asking me all sorts of questions about him and resear…
My dad has been on my mind lately. Two weeks ago when my daughter was home, she was asking me all sorts of questions about him and researching his war record. She’s an aspiring writer and is usuing him as a character in a piece that she’s working on. He’s been dead for 12 years this September. My father was may things. He was a small town lawyer, an almost orphan, an alcoholic, a farm boy. I was his favorite and never knew why until a few months before his death. My youngest niece and her then fiance were making the obligatory meet the grandparents trip to my hometown in Kansas. My niece’s fiance, a history teacher, was asking my dad about his World War Two experiences. We had known that he was in the Air Force and in the Pacific. We knew that he had wanted to be a pilot but wasn’t allowed to fly because of color blindness. That was probably a lucky thing for the war effort, if his later skill at driving a car was any indication of his talent for flying planes. What he had told no one, until that conversation with Bob, was that he was on one of the planes that accompanied the Enola Gay to Hiroshima. Lawyers during the war either went into JAG or intelligence. My dad was a sort of spy! After his return from the war, he told my mother that he didn’t want any more children. Sworn to secrecy about his war experiences, he had periods of depression. He drank too much during these times. Not much was known about radiation during the 1950s. I think that he was probably certain that he was dying of radiation poisoning and that I would be born horribly deformed. When I came out healthy, it was probably the biggest relief of his life. My birth is a text book example of the bonding that goes on between parent and child. He didn’t see my sister until she was two. He was sent overseas just as she was born. When I was born, he was home and helped my mother with all of the new baby work. By the time my brother was born, he was over his worry that he would cause a child to be born maimed. I wish we had all known of this sooner. I grew up with so many questions about my birth and childhood. Nothing in my parents marriage made any sense to me. With this bit of information everything fell into place. I became a real adult at the age of 45.
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The Interstate By Pass Bridge
by Sally OmarShe drove on The Interstate / The funeral was today..it was getting late / Her mind continued to wander / And she will always ponder / What…
Thanks to Mel (Mlgkats) for her photo…which as usual…inspired me Please check out Mlgkats … my friend Mel has many more awesome photos…
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I was addicted to this dedicated character on ALL levels.
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