Manic Reflections . . . One…
Manic Reflections . . . One day i awakened to a simply sweet, “I heart you!” message on my bathroom mirror. Days later, a bi-polar/manic/sleep-deprived version of me impulsively grabbed my camera, tripod, trusty remote and started striking poses in my mirror. Wishing to immortalize the i heart you message, in some way, before zapping it with Mr. Windex! So . . . i crouched up on my counter, gradually getting closer and closer to the mirror. It was wonderfully strange, surreal and comical – as i carefully attempted to seat myself in the bathroom sink . . . while the rest of me perched perilously on the bathroom counter. Purging my manic energy, creatively, provided me with a sense of relief and surrender. After this series was photographed, i went on to photograph two more, in my studio. It was after the photographing of the three, separate series – that i was finally able to slip toward slumber. So what follows are manic reflections . . . partake and enjoy :) / image title – the mirror speaks / image title – the sensual realm / image title – another version of me / image title – the inner sanctum / image title – fragile / image title – inward bound / image title – the confrontation / image title – the chameleon Bi-polarities . . . Around 18 it started to sink in that something not-quite-right was going on in my frantic mind. As I was always struggling to pay attention in school . . . i also became aware that i would get these incredible highs, feeling euphoric, invincible, on top of the world – no matter what my actual reality was . . . everything was grandiose! These manic episodes usually lasted about 2 weeks, followed by the worst lows which often lasted months. In a depressive state everything was life and death, everyday problems became overwhelming, i just wanted to crawl into a quiet, dark corner and simply cease to exist. Then there were those inbetween states where i guess i would be what was considered “normal” though to me these inbetween states felt like emotional flat-lining, i felt kind of numb – being so used to the extreme emotions i felt most of the time. When i was younger, my manic episodes were amazing, accompanied by feelings of invincibility, euphoria and pseudo-bliss. I would feel on top of the world! Now, these manic episodes are more dark and frenetic in nature. And i find myself craving the sleep these manic episodes deprive me of. It’s hard to stay on schedule/task when i go day, after day – without sleep. I don’t have more energy when i am manic, i am just more hyper and restless, unable to slow down – which creates the illusion of high energy . . . inside my body and mind are crying out for sleep. It would take another 12 years before i learned how to manage these intense moodswings, learned to go with the flow and how to keep my head above water – no matter what my mood. There were years of self-destructive coping methods and soul numbing medications. Eventually i decided to approach my bi-polarity from a spiritual/holistic perspective. I decided to go vegan and stopped consuming foods loaded with additives/preservatives. I learned about behavioral management, structure, meditation/yoga, prayer, daily spiritual renewal and daily exercise. Putting all of these things into practice, over time . . . allowed me to utilize my moods creatively AND constructively. beingnormalisoverrated JAEDA!
To my great surprise I found my Jeremy and Willie pic has m…
To my great surprise I found my Jeremy and Willie pic has made it into the finals of the Black and White groups Emotion contest. Considering I don’t even consider myself as a black and white or portrait photographer I’m pretty pleased to be in the company of all the other great shots. Thanks for reading. Trav
Precious friends, I give God thanks for you all, and your prayers and support. You are so precious to me and the lord. While I was pr…
Precious friends, I give God thanks for you all, and your prayers and support. You are so precious to me and the lord. While I was praying early this morning for each of you, as I doe each day, The holy Spirit allowed me to feel a members pain and the lord laid it on my heart to share with you the words that you are about to read. This is for someone here, and I do not know, but the Lord Jesus knows. I pray it will bless all, but especially the one whom God sends it to. [Gods personal message to someone he knows]. Zephaniah 3:17-20 [Common English Bible].The LORD your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love.” (18) The LORD has promised: Your sorrow has ended, and you can celebrate. (19) I will punish those who mistreat you. I will bring together the lame and the outcasts, then they will be praised, instead of despised, in every country on earth. (20) I will lead you home, and with your own eyes you will see me bless you Then you will be famous everywhere on this earth. I, the LORD, have spoken! 1. As a minister of God, I have often counselled Gods children who have come to me with all sorts of problems and Challenges. One of the challenges that was most common is that they feel guilt and condemnation. / Their thoughts were filled with guilt over what they had done in their past, someone they hurt, something they said or done. One precious child of God would wake up at nights with fear that God was angry with her. Another would feel he was being judged by God because he was always depressed about his past. satan would like all of us to think and feel that way. But you need to understand something. God is Love and he loves you. God has spoken to you today in Zephaniah Ch3. Does that sound like God is angry with you his child. NO!. / One of the strategies satan uses is to get you to feel shame, guild and worthless because of your past. I knew a dear friend who would not pray as they felt God was angry because of the things they did in the past. They would cower and feel so unclean. He said that he knew God had forgiven him, but he still felt shamed and unworthy. Beloved, here Gods minister now as I speak to you under his anointing and in the power of his Holy Spirit. If that is you, and I know someone feels like this or similar, God has something to say to you personally right now. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. When you asked Jesus into your heart / He washed away every sin, every wrong, and you became a brand new person. You became a brand new person. Notice that in 2 Corinthians 5:17, it clearly says that the old things have passed away. God does not see your sins or wrongs, as they have been washed away in the Blood of Jesus. God does not remember them anymore. Jeremiah 31:34 And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Here God is talking about his children. Now before this was fulfilled, the price for Sin had to be paid in full, before God could forget their sins and wrongs. Jesus Gods son paid tat price in Full. God sees you through the finished work of his son Jesus. He sees the Blood of Jesus applied to your heart. He has forgiven you and does not remember your sinful past. When you received Jesus as saviour, you became a new person. Now you have a new father, and you have the DNA of God. You are brand new. Often satan will try and bring to your thoughts things that you did and then get you to think or focus on them. When he does this just tell him, “I have no sinful past, as the Lord Jesus you thought you could destroy, rose from the dead and his blood paid the price for my forgiveness, and that sacrifice was excepted by God, and the blood has washed away all my sinful past from Gods memory and mine”. Tell satan, you are born again and Jesus lives in you! / There is no need to feel unworthy, shame or guilt. / / 1 John 2:1 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. / The Blood of Jesus never stops working and is all powerful. Precious friend, See yourself as God sees you. He sees you righteous in the righteousness of Jesus. He sees you as his son/daughter. You have the same father as Jesus. Hallelujah! / There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. [Romans 8:1] / / Colossians 1:12-14 [Amplified Bible] Giving thanks unto the Father, of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has made us meet [Qualified] us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light: (13) Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath [translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son]: (14) In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins. Now you know for sure that God in Christ Jesus has made you worthy to be his child, and that you are forgiven. There is no condemnation to you. You’re a new creation. Hallelujah! No more need to ever feel guilt or shame. You now can come boldly to your Father, knowing he has forgotten your sinful past and welcomes you to his presence as his dear child. I will close with Zephaniah 3-17-20 our opening scripture. The LORD your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love.” (18) The LORD has promised: Your sorrow has ended, and you can celebrate. (19) I will punish those who mistreat you. I will bring together the lame and the outcasts, then they will be praised, instead of despised, in every country on earth. (20) I will lead you home, and with your own eyes you will see me bless you / Amen.
Saying Goodbye was featured in Emotive Art – Not Happy Campers..
Saying Goodbye was featured in Emotive Art – Not Happy Campers today! I am honored it was chosen. Thanks to the hosts! I still have a few more thoughts for this series, so stay tuned! =)
Earlier this week the typical Henley Beach cricket match was featured in “A Place to Call Home” ... for which I thank the kind moderators…
Earlier this week the typical Henley Beach cricket match was featured in “A Place to Call Home” ... for which I thank the kind moderators. (And nearly missed) and now “Hugs” – Grandson James with Self – was featured in “All Soft and Cuddlies”!! Thank you Indeed for the recognition!! / Bradman?WhyNot? / Hugs
Picture Imperfect Maine photographer paints a more / hopeful picture of eating disorder recovery / PORTLAND, ME- Photographer,...
Picture Imperfect Maine photographer paints a more / hopeful picture of eating disorder recovery / PORTLAND, ME- Photographer, Erin Kroll, has a lot in common with the images she captures. A sense of stillness and depth lights her eyes as she speaks about her battle overcoming anorexia and how courage came unexpectedly through the lens of a camera. Eating disorders, like anorexia, are serious illnesses with a biological basis that are often influenced by emotional and cultural factors, making recovery even more difficult. “There is so much silence and shame around eating disorders in our culture.” says Kroll. “When I was sick I just wanting to literally disappear, a wanted to be invisible.” And Kroll isn’t alone, according to the National Eating Disorders Association, nearly 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting a life-and-death battle with an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. Millions more are struggling with binge eating disorder. Without recovery, Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Kroll speaks candidly about her struggle, with the same tender grace that comes across in her work. It’s from this authentic and vulnerable place that she inspires. “I stopped shooting when I stopped eating”, says Kroll, “I didn’t touch my camera for two years. I was consumed by fear, anxiety and self-doubt…I starved myself of everything that could possibly make me happy and fulfilled. My eating disorder pulled me away from myself and all the things that gave joy and meaning to my life. Unfortunately, photography was one of them. There was no passion, no purpose, and no voice. I was totally empty. “ Kroll says that her road back to health began with wanting to be more than empty. “People always ask me how I was able to ‘let go’, I don’t really have this elaborate answer.” Kroll mentions that it is common for people with eating disorders to contemplate recovery. Tragically, the majority of those who suffer continue to be affected throughout their lives. “There’s no such thing as shotgun recovery,” says Kroll. “There is no external cure, no pill, no self-help book that can free someone from the illness that they have created. In the beginning, I put my recovery in the hands of someone else. It was exactly like riding shotgun off a cliff with no one at the wheel. I crashed horribly.” “In the end, we are each responsible for our own wellness. Loved ones can encourage and validate, but they to have to learn to let go, they can’t save you if you don’t want it and you have to want it- you have to want to get better! You have to think about what you’ve lost and decide what you want recovery to mean for you. I was sick and tired of just existing, of being completely defined and governed by my eating disorder. I wanted the things it took from my life; I longed for fullness. Most importantly, I wanted to live! I saw a glimmer of something more in me and that was enough-I truly wanted to get better.” Kroll’s journey led her to the New England Eating Disorders Program at Mercy Hospital in Portland . “I was reluctant and terrified, but I was out of options. My life was spinning out of control. My body was shutting down. I knew I had surrender fully to recovery and I needed to be in an intensive treatment program to do it. The months I spent at Mercy were the most challenging and rewarding in my life!” Kroll explains that combined with intensive group therapy, weekly art therapy sessions helped her reclaim her voice and rekindle her creative spirit. Slowly she began to shoot again. “I felt like I was seeing everything for the first time. I felt more connected with the world around me, more patient and open. I felt alive. Each click of the shutter was a moment to celebrate life. It was amazing.” Celebrating life and exposing unexpected and often overlooked beauty is a common theme in Kroll’s photographs. As she works to cultivate her own inner beauty and self-worth, she strives to capture in her work, what she calls the aesthetic of imperfect, “It’s not easy” she says, “photography, by nature, can be such a superficial art. I find the more I appreciate myself, the more I am able to draw substance and soul into my images.” Drawing inspiration from Zen Buddhism, eastern philosophy, surrealism and the graphic design, her photographs convey a subtle but important message,. “I spent years chasing the impossible dream of ‘perfect’ and it nearly killed me.”I was unable to grow as an artist. I was always trying to create the perfect piece, take the perfect shot, and wait for the perfect light, use the best equipment. It just wasn’t happening. I continued to feel like a failure. Failure doesn’t exist in an imperfect world. Until I learned to let go with grace and dignity and accept imperfection, I simply could not appreciate the authentic beauty within and around me.” In a little less than a year, Kroll has transformed her life and the lives of those around her. Last winter, she launched Pink Dragonfly Clothing, an inspirational t-shirt company that supports eating disorder awareness and education. Seeing a tremendous need for Eating Disorder Outreach in her community, Kroll has set out to establish a non-profit that will offer free, recovery-based, support services and educational programs in Southern Maine . Kroll hopes to be able to offer the model nationally in the future. “Anorexia starved my spirit and silenced my voice. For fifteen years I hid my illness from the world and myself. I lived in shame, secrecy and denial. Picking up my camera again, returning to my creative roots, has freed me from the silence. Now all I want to do is engage, educate and inspire.” In a media culture that is overrun with harmful images, icons, and ideals of beauty, Kroll says that as a photographer contributing to the media landscape, she has a responsibility to produce work that inspires hope and represents courage. “Somehow, it’s become socially expectable and expected of artists, especially photographers, to document tragedy suffering and the grotesque, as a means to validate authenticity in the image and human experience. I am not discounting the value that painful imagery have in our media , and I’m not denying the existence of suffering, I just want to people to understand that there is another side to it all, another story to tell.” Telling the ‘other side of the story’ is exactly what Kroll is doing with her latest project, Hope/Full: The Warrior Portraits. As traveling interactive photography exhibition with a companion book, Hope/Full will tell the inspirational story of people who have recovered from eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia, celebrating the fullness they have found in health, their passion for life and the people they have touched along the way. While still in the early stages of production, Kroll says that she has already received requests from people across the country eager to sit for portraits or support the project, but she says that many more are needed. “There is strength in numbers. The more representation and diversity I can bring to this project the more powerful the message will be.” She encourages anyone who is interested in participating to contact her. In bringing the exhibition into communities and schools Hope/Full will engage a new dialogue about eating disorders, self-esteem, and body image, ” one you won’t find in the media or popular culture” says Kroll, and inspire hope in those still suffering in silence and solitude. # # Resources & Information For more information about Hope/Full: The Warrior Portraits Project call 207-615-2283 or email Erin Kroll at erinkroll@yahoo.com or visit www.erinkrollphotography.com Body Positive Outfitter, Pink Dragonfly Clothing Co supports self-esteem and eating disorder awareness, helping fund research and educational programs. Visit www.pinkdragonfly.org for more information About the Artist: Portland native, Erin Kroll spent the majority of her childhood scribbling crayon on her bedroom walls. Naturally, a camera seemed like a better alternative. Kroll studied photography and design at the Harrow School of Communications and Creative Industries at the University of Westminster in London . She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts from Goucher College in Towson , Maryland . In 2004 she returned to Maine to pursue a career in marketing and advertising. When not looking through a camera lens, Kroll enjoys traveling, exploring the Maine outdoors, and giving back to her community.
Precious Friends. I greet you in the Precious name of Jesus our Saviour, Lord and closest Friend. I am off to India for two weeks miss…
Precious Friends. I greet you in the Precious name of Jesus our Saviour, Lord and closest Friend. I am off to India for two weeks mission on Tuesday 16th June. I will be ministering to Indian gypsies, known and treated as [Untouchables]. Please my dear Friends, Pray for me and the mission. I will have lots of testimonies, Photographs and Video to share when I get home. I want to take this opportunity to Thank each and everyone of you, for your prayers, Love and support. I really appreciate you all. I thank God for blessing me with wonderful friends. I love you all. Trevor.
Hi guys. Haven’t been on in a couple of days and just logged in to find some really exciting news! I have 3 features this week: “K…
Hi guys. Haven’t been on in a couple of days and just logged in to find some really exciting news! I have 3 features this week: Kyle, the Drooler has a first place spot in the group Oh baby! I’m so excited, thanks so much guys!!! :) Ready? March! has been featured in the group Current Issues Thanks guys!! This is a personal fave!! :) LA Full Moon has been featured in the group Shoot the Moon which I have been hoping for a long time would be featured!!! Thanks so much to the group!!! :) LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!! I have been featured as an artist in the group Children: The Power of Raw Emotion WOOOHOOOO. This is my first time ever being featured as an artist and I am so grateful and happy that it was from this group. Kids are great and fun to shoot. They have all the emotion you can ever think about and are not afraid to show it!! Thanks so much guys!!! Really made my day! xoxo / Jen
Yay for Justin….. All the girls always get featured and now its he’s turn!! Tonight BOYS RULE!!! I Love this pic! thanks so much to…
Yay for Justin….. All the girls always get featured and now its he’s turn!! Tonight BOYS RULE!!! I Love this pic! thanks so much to the group The Eyes Have It You guys made my day and his I’m sure!! Thanks so much!! xoxo / Jen
Now you can benefit from a 10% MarkUp on all my prints until the 15 of January,2008. Happy New Year to all,hope everyone had a good ti…
Now you can benefit from a 10% MarkUp on all my prints until the 15 of January,2008. Happy New Year to all,hope everyone had a good time celebrating, and that this coming year will bring along better opportunities to all. Cheers;
Is It Winter Yet was featured in the group “Capturing Emotion…
Is It Winter Yet was featured in the group Capturing Emotion I’m so happy because this is really one of my faves and has totally grown on me as I love her expression…. it cracks me up…. Thank you ladies for featuring this work and feel truly lucky!! You made my day!! xoxo / Jen
Thank-you very much to the hosts of the “Image Writing” group for the feature of “Cradle of Creation”. I am very honoured by the recogni…
Thank-you very much to the hosts of the “Image Writing” group for the feature of “Cradle of Creation”. I am very honoured by the recognition of my work. Thanks again. Lauri :-))
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