Jan. 22, 2008 Today the scales informed me that I have reached an all-time high. True, only a couple pounds more than my previous all…
Jan. 22, 2008 Today the scales informed me that I have reached an all-time high. True, only a couple pounds more than my previous all-time high, but that’s the way it’s been going for the past … let’s see … 13 years. That’s 13 years since my last major weight loss success, of which there have been several in my life of overweightness. The reason for this latest new zenith in pounds is because I’ve been RE-reading some stuff I’ve collected about how the way to stop being a compulsive eater is to stop depriving myself. The theory is that very business of thinking about what I can’t or shouldn’t have, or what I just ate way too much of, is making me fat. The first step in correcting this problem is to stock my larder with every goodie and forbidden food, and enough of it to make SURE I won’t run out before my next shopping trip. And in the meantime, I’m supposed to banish all thoughts of diets or counting calories/carbs/fat from my consciousness; stop thinking about food, and just eat what I want. In both the books that tout this method as The Answer, they urge the reader to TRUST this, not to worry – I might gain a few pounds. But then, after I’ve come to believe that I will never inflict deprivation on ourselves again, I’ll automatically correct my eating, crave the things that are good for us, and eventually arrive at a comfortable weight. I can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I just can’t. In just a few short days, I gained 12 POUNDS from doing this. I’m already so fucking uncomfortable with my body IN EVERY WAY that throwing caution to the wind and having an eternal binge-fest is just not something I can do. I’m 54 years old. I’ve lived my whole life worrying about being fat, even as a little kid (I wasn’t then, but dear old mom thought I was and made sure I knew it). And now it’s come to this: I can’t walk around for very long – my back and feet start hurting. Climbing stairs anymore like to just about kill me. Tying my shoes in the morning involves me tossing my foot up in the air so I can catch my pant-leg and haul my foot over my knee to reach the laces. Bending over to pick up stuff, with all this extra flab in my mid-section, is quite an ordeal. I can barely get down on the floor, and getting back up again requires either nearby sturdy furniture, and/or a strong person with a good grip. Because if this, it is difficult to play with the grandkids or dogs the way I want to. Getting in and out of the car is a real heave-ho process. I can’t run, or even trot. I sweat like a pig (do pigs sweat??) at the least little exertion. I don’t even enjoy being outside in this little slice of heaven we live in, because all the chores I want to be doing will be hard for me to do, and remind me that I’m obese. I love to garden, walk about the property, take photos, etc., but often choose to stay inside because it’s feels more … safe. I am embarrassed in public, especially in the summer. I’m always tugging at my shirt tail or my pants or my bra strap, just the way I observe other fat women doing. I’ve eliminated places and activities from my life that I used to excitedly look forward to. I won’t go to Mexico anymore, or raft down the river that runs by our house or camping; don’t want to go anyplace where I will be uncomfortable in my skin, which lately seems like everywhere. I find that sitting in my recliner here at home is the most comfortable place for me. Sitting there, eating. I have tried or at least looked into every weight loss plan know to human-kind. I’ve been successful and gotten down to being ‘normal’ three times in my life. The rest of the time, I’ve hovered in the neighborhood of 40-50 pounds overweight. Until the last 8 years, when I retired and my body entertained the menopause idea seriously. Now, I am a full 100 pounds heavier than I should be. One hundred pounds. Oh my god. It was hard enough to look at losing 40 pounds, but it didn’t seem totally overwhelming. This does. I’m humiliated to admit that I have a standing binge-date with myself every night as soon as Tim goes to bed, UNTIL I fall asleep. A few times I’ve even fallen asleep WHILE I’m eating. If there are no goodies to eat (cookies, chips, crackers, etc.) I will improvise, no matter what. Then the shame, guilt, betrayal, and comes the morning when I realize what trance-like behavior last night’s eating was, and vow to never do it again. Until sometime later in the day when I start thinking about all the things I can eat after Tim’s asleep. Sick, sick, sick, SICK. After much research, I have come to the conclusion that I am heavily addicted to food. Whether I’m dieting or bingeing, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what, when, how much I’m going to eat. When I start eating something that tastes good to me, I start obsessing about how I want more and more. I pay no attention to my body cues, whether I’m hungry or stuffed. While I’m eating I don’t care a bit that I’m morbidly obese and I’m slowly killing myself. That thought just magically goes away. Once I start eating when I’m in binge-mode, there’s just no shutting it off. Last night I decided to have a piece of a Costco muffin (yeah, I always start by telling myself I’m just going to have a litte something). I sliced off a couple pieces, buttered them heavily, and after the first bite I knew I would be eating the whole muffin. And I did, even though that last few bites were making me feel literally ill, I was so full. Anyway, enough history for today. I’m planning to study up on compulsive eating, and see if there is any help out there for people like me. And I believe that I eat at night because I’m avoiding thinking about other things, or at least it started that way. So if I write, write, write, then maybe I’ll be able to figure some of this stuff out. And if anybody has gotten this far in this blog, bless you. I decided I’d put it out there, in the hopes that I’ll garner a bit of support, and maybe even some others with a similar problem. So, write to me and tell me it’s all going to be OK. Help me learn to love and trust myself. ~ birdinsun
a local news station did a story about my son Timmy! You see Timothy has a disease that keeps him from eating food. So, after years of …
a local news station did a story about my son Timmy! You see Timothy has a disease that keeps him from eating food. So, after years of testing…adding and removing food…we have found the Venison is the only meat he can eat! My dilema? WHERE and HOW am I supposed to get deer for my son?! So, I called our local station and asked for their help! Well, they helped alright! Not only did we get tons of calls from the story airing here – BUT, FoxNews.com picked up the story and posted it…and BAM! People from all over the country – Nebraska, New York, Georgia, Texas, Virginia, Arizona, Mississippi, and more than I can’t remember! So – now, Timmy will NEVER want for deer! EVER! We are set for life! It was an amazing experience, and has restored my faith in Humanity! The only negative thing we experienced was a website for vegetarians … Most were understanding…But, others were just down right mean! I went on that msg board to educate them, and let them know WHY! It was a good opportunity to educate people about his disease! Anyway – I just wanted to share this very positive thing that has happened to us recently! It has been quite a ride! Gotta love it when people pull together…and for one little boy! WOW! Really filled my heart! :) / stacey
MCLEAN, TEXAS The sun was dropping on d…
MCLEAN, TEXAS The sun was dropping on down when we arrived at McLean. In the downtown area, the road split into one-way east and west bound segments, divided by a city block. Although closed for the day, we saw a dual museum called “Texas Route 66 Museum / Devil’s Rope Museum” The term “Devil’s Rope” referred to barbed wire as there were two gigantic balls of barbed wire perched on concrete columns. Where else but on Route 66 would you find a tribute to barbed wire? It is a wonderful country we live in! A great photo opportunity was the tiny cottage-style Phillips 66 gas station all decked out in fresh tan and orange paint. The sign on the street corner indicated the station was originally built in the 1920’s and was the first Phillips 66 station in Texas. An antique Ford tanker truck was parked to the side, also painted a bright orange with the Phillip 66 emblem on the door. The gas pump showed a price of 19 cents per gallon! As we drove west through McLean on Route 66, there was the smell of something delicious cooking! We followed our noses to the Red River Steakhouse. Once there our stomachs began to do the Route 66 rumble… We were greeted at the door by a very friendly hostess who had the same southern accent as we did. For a tiny town like McLean, the parking lot was packed when we arrived. A full parking lot at a local restaurant is always a good sign. We were late-comers for supper and people began leaving while we were eating. Everyone knew everyone else as there were shouts of goodbye from across the room and farewells that included “be careful driving home”. It was obvious that this was a very friendly ranch community on Route 66. As my daddy used to say, we must have “popped out like a sore thumb” as visitors because the waitress immediately wanted to know where we were from and the hostess later brought out the guestbook so we could sign it. A big ole salad was served first, heaped high with crisp, cold lettuce and lots of fixin’s. Then our 8 oz. steaks were placed before us, completely covering a large platter. The steak was so big that it was nudging the baked potato out of the way! Both were tender and cooked to perfection. The complimentary dessert of homemade peach cobbler was delicious. For $1 more, we added a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. If you are anywhere near McLean near supper time, don’t miss the Red River Steakhouse.
As the redbubble world turns… I must log-out and go eat mongolian barbeque / indulge myself in a new addiction… / $8.00 usd for one…
As the redbubble world turns… I must log-out and go eat mongolian barbeque / indulge myself in a new addiction… / $8.00 usd for one plate of food! / how ridiculous? but it tastes soooo good. I hope the controversy has come an end, / as everyone stated their opinions / bashed me and my friends… and to all you fathers… happy fathers day again! hope all is well in redbubble -joe p.s. be back later d=)
I have a new photo submitted to JPG Magazine’s ‘Delectable’ theme. Check it out!
I have a new photo submitted to JPG Magazine’s ‘Delectable’ theme. Check it out!
Well I’ve got a ‘real’ job now as a Graphic Designer so I’ve been very busy. I’m hoping to upload some new stuff soon, so come back and …
Well I’ve got a ‘real’ job now as a Graphic Designer so I’ve been very busy. I’m hoping to upload some new stuff soon, so come back and visit please :) While you’re there, buy something, I need to eat this week …..... x / Joelle / RD / RB
Our first port of call on our new munch-musings blog satisfied not only our hungry little bellies. Drifting on an already cumulus-y sunsh…
Our first port of call on our new munch-musings blog satisfied not only our hungry little bellies. Drifting on an already cumulus-y sunshiney Melbourne day, we perched ourselves on the bar in the minimalistic (white- on- white warehousey without being cold) and busy open room and wet our gums with an aperol spritzer and Samuel Adams Boston Lager. We shared slow cooked octopus with aioli, dehydrated olive, a beetroot salad with walnuts & goats milk feta and baked gnocchi with taleggio & truffle vinaigrette, which were all sublime. / The service smacked Adrians ‘tsk, the service in New York is so much better than in Melbourne’ right across its silly lipped lie. / All in all, wonderful classy food in a casual atmosphere that suits animated punters like us down to a T. / Photo assignment for next week: Coffee /
I sit at a computer all day at work. I almost always feel hungry or thirsty; and if I have a snack (such as chips) its “hand to mouth” t…
I sit at a computer all day at work. I almost always feel hungry or thirsty; and if I have a snack (such as chips) its “hand to mouth” till it’s gone. And snack might come from the vending ($1.25 for a coke; $0.90 to $1.25 for chips or candy.) I almost always get one or two (diet/zero) cokes and at least one ‘snack’ per day. Sometimes I go across the street to the base ‘convenice’ store (yes, there’s a sign spelled like that) where small to full-size bags of chips or candy are available for $0.90 to $3.95. Always seemed to ‘get hungry’ for a snack around 10:00 AM or 2:00 PM. Fattening. And expensive. Also available to me: one small fridge I share with my team, and a water cooler. So here’s what I did: I got a 12pk of diet coke for about the cost of 3 vending bottles. I got some of those ‘crystal lite’ (and WM generic) drink mixes and teas. They have about 0 to 10 cals each, mixed w/ 16 oz water. I got a HUGE bag of tortilla chips and a thing of salsa from Sam’s, about $5. And some cans of Slim-Fast. Also: saved one old coke bottle; got some small gladware tubs. Put salsa in the tub and brought it to work, put it in the fridge w/ 1 or 2 cokes and a slim fast per day. Drank 1 coke and a lot of flavored water all morning. When the 10 o’clock hungries hit, out came the salsa. More flavored water. Slim fast at lunch. More water w/ taste. Maybe another coke. And never got hungry in the afternoon. Did this all week. Looking back, not only was what I took in all day a WHOLE lot healthier (Salsa is fat-free, for one thing!), I didn’t put one nickel in the vending machine or visit the little store across the street. ($$$!) Not exactly a diet… but a definite improvement. :D
Ok the coffee is kicking in and i just discovered that ” Stay smart….eat smarties has placed 6th inThe Most Colorful Work (Photograph…
Ok the coffee is kicking in and i just discovered that ” Stay smart….eat smarties has placed 6th inThe Most Colorful Work (Photography) challenge. / woohoo thats gotta make ya feel good! thanks for all the votes everyone. /
1- Sundried tomatoes / 2- Doritoes with salsa(perfect movie time snack!) / 3- Apricot jam on toast / 4- Cucumber Sandwiches / 5- Peanut butte…
1- Sundried tomatoes / 2- Doritoes with salsa(perfect movie time snack!) / 3- Apricot jam on toast / 4- Cucumber Sandwiches / 5- Peanut butter and banana rolls / 6- Peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches / 7- Peanut Butter on its own!! / 8- Rice with soy sauce / 9- Yufgas / 10- Salad / 11- Cherry Tomatoes / 12- Cashew nuts / 13- Pine nuts / 14- Melon / 15- Plums / 16- CHOCOLATE! / 17- Yogurt covered peanuts / 18- Dark Chocolate / 19- Corn on the Cob / 20- Cream Cheese on crackers / 21- Apple crumblets / 22- Natural Yogurt / 23- Friut n Fibre / 24- Rice Krispies / 25- Nutri Grain Elevenses / 26- Pringles(the green ones!) / 27- Pasta / 28- Black Olive(they make me feel classy!) / 29- Strawberries / 30- Quorn anything! / 31- Celery / 32- Mince Pies / 33- Jaffa Cakes / 34- Celery / 35- Pancakes with brown sugar and cinnamon / 36- Banana Sandwhiches / 37- Toast with jam and coconut / 38- Pot Noodle Original curry flavour(but only when there is no healthier option;) / 39- Stir-fry / 40- Yellow peppers / 41- Homemade garlic bread / 42- Fahitas / 43- Chips with ketchup / 44- Sweetcorn / 45- Feta / 46- Pineapple on pizza! / 47- Relish / 48- Aduke bean pie / 49- Cream of Tomato Soup / 50- More Chocolate!! /
While this might remain a mystery to many, we have now discovered to our delight that the Sri Shan Curry and Such (location 383 Persiaran…
While this might remain a mystery to many, we have now discovered to our delight that the Sri Shan Curry and Such (location 383 Persiaran Ban Hock) serve the most divine pineapple roti also banana and jackfruit roti with curry accompaniments (Perfect for breakfast). Highly recommended also is the lime and sour cherry iced – very refreshing. The loveliest, most ambient coffee house is the Black Bean Coffee House on Bishopgate (extending off Jalan Carpentaria). This delightful little coffee house serves the most heavenly coffee and tea creations. My personal favourite (iced of course) – the Jasmine and green tea with lovers plum. The environmentally conscious coffee house also serves local coffees, the aroma of which is celestial – too hard to stop at one.
Tired of looking at all the ART here at RB? Need a little break? Come join Dave and family for a happy time at one of the down-home r…
Tired of looking at all the ART here at RB? Need a little break? Come join Dave and family for a happy time at one of the down-home restaurants in one of the few motels inside the borders of Glacier National Park, in beautiful Montana, USA. We hope you enjoy Dining at Two Dog Flats Restaurant Warning! Not for the squeamish eater! - Dave
Here is a selection of my favourite work in my folio, and would all make great Christmas gifts, and look great hanging on any wall! A…
Here is a selection of my favourite work in my folio, and would all make great Christmas gifts, and look great hanging on any wall! All my work is available in different styles and formats available through redbubble, and here is a preview: Farm Windmill Mosman Bay Boatshed At Dusk Jetty At Dusk Water Under The Bridge Cygnets Mobile Home Crawley Edge Boatshed Swan River Jetty At Sunset Thunderstorm At Dusk Bathed In Light Bathed In Gold Moody Morning Crepuscular Rays Sunshine After the Storm Reflections Kwinana Grain Jetty At Dusk Crawley Edge Boatshed Panorama Pink Cherry Blossom Flowers Standing out in a crowd Lake Clifton Thrombolites Lake Clifton Thrombolites Lily flower Mammatus clouds Honey Bee Lancelin Sand Dune Dusk At The Dunes Lancelin Sand Dune Three Of A Kind Path Of Shadows Sand dune / / Decoy At Sunrise Peaking through the window Kalbarri Beach / / Kalbarri Beach / / Kalbarri Beach Pinnacles / / Boat on the beach DNA Tower at Sunset Perth City Dusk Kings Park Lights Kings Park Lights Peak Hour Traffic Noble Falls Panorama Collie Dam Bird on a branch / / Black Swans Farm Trees At Sunset Chinese Meal Chinese Noodles Chinese Noodles Having trouble choosing a single artwork? Maybe My 2010 Calendar Is what your looking for! “
This is a fun write for Raymondoantonio and princessleah, in response to their playful, erotic haiku’s to one another…..hahaha!! I w…
This is a fun write for Raymondoantonio and princessleah, in response to their playful, erotic haiku’s to one another…..hahaha!! I want to sink my teeth into him / Like a fresh Alberta peach / In the breathless heat of Spring / I dream of licking whipped cream / From his long and throbbing / Eager fingertips / In nature’s wild fine dining room / I know he is well worth the eating I want to sip, to slowly sup on / Her cool cucumber soup / Waiting in her liquidly tureen / Lace it with a dash of sherry / Pop a cherry in her open mouth / In some languid leafy glade / Roll her giggling in the moss / Who gives a toss if we are seen Like a Lady I am waiting / He’s drooling for my buttery juices / Hissing like a soda bottle / Opening ever, ever so slowly / He’s lingering in my minestrone / I’m feeling sort of soporific / He’s rolling me in tarragon / His finger in my oyster pate She makes all others seem insipid / Her timbales simply make me crackers / She is a juicy rack of lamb / You can keep your dry old flapjacks / I want her slinky ginger bavaroise / Laced with all that makes a noise / I want to kiss her fillet rare / Vault headlong into her vichyssoise….. ;-))
Just a week from tomorrow, we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving here in America. Some will be travelling great distances to be with family &...
Just a week from tomorrow, we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving here in America. Some will be travelling great distances to be with family & friends, others will stay home to welcome guests to join them there. It’s a time of celebration with a table of bounty, a time of sharing & reflecting, & a time of giving thanks for God’s provision. We have so much here in America to be thankful for & may none of us lose sight of all the blessings that we often so easily take for granted. I just want to take the time to extend a very Happy Thanksgiving to all of you & to say thank you from the bottom of my heart (& the top of it, too) for all the wonderful comments & encouragement you’ve shared with me over the past few months. So glad to call you my friends. My only regret is that I’ll never meet you in person. :( Love to all, / Marsha The original Thanksgiving!
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