Despair
695 creative works found
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This one is fairly self explanitory I think – it really is just becoming a sad planet.
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HISTORY RANT CONTINUED.. this starts – well it is pretty obvious i guess… Lost six months or a year and a half I don’t know managed to stop taking the meds they were killing me faster than the alcohol. Had a mad and stupid psychiatrist on a power trip: here, take some more STELAZINE Paul I can see that you are still vaguely capable of constructing a sentence and your hair hasn’t ALL fallen out yet. Better up the fucking dose. / Came off them then withdrawals and hallucinations my best friend told her she was a an evil bitch as I finally saw it her black heart so putrefied it was pooling behind her eyes. But I had never looked outside myself pity ME I pity YOU bitch. I was too mad to fucking SEE that was the fucking POINT / Stayed as far from my family as I could I could not look at them the only way of course to keep their lives clean of me. / Tried to fix myself went further and more mad and more mad and further faster it was still better pain beats lifelessness pain beats brain-death. Starved till the weight fell off me, wasn’t hard couldn’t afford to eat anyway at least my FUCKING HAIR GREW BACK. / Rapid cycling, oh so real after the fugue and it all slid back to me so fast skeletally thin and quicker than the rest… doing stupid stupid things wandering alone and manic. Euphoric drunkenness a cool ocean a delusion of relief honey sweet. / Beaten up again and a few more times finally worked out that I could to run away. Did gymnastics drunk on the edge of a cliff; on the roof of someone’s house. / Took stupid crazy girls to the lifeguard tower at the end of the pier at the edge of the beach in the middle of the night whenever it stormed. I waited I knew I took them whoever whenever it rained and howled at night and I could smell ozone. They liked THAT, I told them it was a full moon each one I told them a fucking ritual they always said how can you see through the clouds? / I went to clubs broke with no cigarettes and talked women into buying me drinks or just stole them; would walk around the room asking for cigarettes until I had enough to last me till morning; waking up where? Slept in a bus shelter, at the train station, in a construction site, in the bush on the doorstep of display homes and once in an actual for real DITCH. / I remember a shared rental house where I painted a six-foot self-portrait on the wall in blue and RED. I painted crows for eyes. Four houses in six months ending on the street again. Drank everything I could find oh yeah cooking sherry vanilla essence and fucking AFTERSHAVE. Used to love writing NO FIXED ADDRESS at social security called it social obscurity antisocial insecurity told then I had a job interview at a leprosarium. / I went there wearing a trench coat in the middle of the day in the middle of summer blood saturating the wool right to the edges sopping wet with it and trying so hard so hard to fill in the forms without it running down out the sleeves with my hands shaking so much I kept knocking the page onto the floor. / Must have worked I woke up a few weeks later lost them all; all those weeks were they weeks? / Got a sinus infection; reminder of humanity and mortality had to go to the hospital said hi to the staff in casualty. Remembered the nurse I slept with she turned white when she saw me and would not look again. High as a kite I waved at her and grinned oh such smiles. The infection was in my upper sinuses and about to get to my brain all those long drunk walks in the rain I guess. / Was still high even through the pain and told them I liked their x-ray machine because it looked art deco’. They fucked it up and hit the vegus nerve (the spelling is correct and the pun is clear – did I find that funny subsequently oh what do you think???) and I went and died on the operating table full cardiac and respiratory arrest wish I could remember that but I guess it would have HURT. No light at the end of any tunnels no light anywhere too cynical for a religious experience. / Was so weak had to wait three days before I made it to the bar, was straight out in a fucking wheelchair to smoke still high flirting with my face all swollen from the surgery like a freak like a lunatic of course. / Went back to squalor and starvation. / My best friend finally had enough and hit me and tore the skin from one side of my nose, though I had provided him with so many women after they realized just how fucking crazy I was and turned to his arms even though, then, he was a speed freak and a pot head and an alcoholic just like me. He is a good man. It took so much to break him from the love and bonds and fierceness ferocity of our friendship. But I found enough. Wasn’t even LOOKING. / Wartime syndrome before that us fighting the world so hard of course no cause for us. I ended up staying at my other ex-girlfriend’s place. / Tried so hard and stayed straight for three weeks; I think it was subconscious – conscious I fucking KNEW that that was what I was doing – preparation for the biggest and ugliest and least sane that I ever was. / Sleeping with my x-girlfriend and my current girlfriend and my ex’s flat mate and some girl (girls? lost days before I found my way back still high and getting higher) I found at some club… drank everything in the house and this was the time when I decided actually picked; CHOSE to go as mad as I could. Push it and see what was on the far far side. / .
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This tree bark has distinctive imagery that reminds me of the intense and prophetic song. “Little Girl Blue.” performed in the 60’s by the inspirational and immensely talented Janis Joplin. The lyrics of this powerful song reflect the despair and sadness of the “blue:” / little girl on the far right of this somber photograph that poignantly reflects the life of the artist who like rock / musicians including the brilliant Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain who also died from an overdose of powerful drugs. There are other faces in this macro bark abstract that are more apparent when viewing this in the large format. / I am always interested in what images you see. I wrote about depression and bipolar disorder in children in / my narrative of “blue boy.” I see a sad little girl / frightened and suffering in a blue cavern. Janis Joplin / was one of my favorite rock musicians, a heroine of the 60’s, who was inspirational, powerful and among others was the voice of a generation. Her poignant lyrics often reflected the profound pain and torment of the artist who like other rock heroes died before their time. Janis like Michael Jackson, two brilliant performers was “gone too soon” ‘Sit there, hmm, count your fingers. / What else, what else is there to do ? / Oh and I know how you feel, / I know you feel that you’re through. / Oh wah wah ah sit there, hmm, count, / Ah, count your little fingers, / My unhappy oh little girl, little girl blue, yeah. Oh sit there, oh count those raindrops / Oh, feel ’em falling down, oh honey all around you. / Honey don’t you know it’s time, / I feel it’s time, / Somebody told you ‘cause you got to know / That all you ever gonna have to count on / Or gonna wanna lean on / It’s gonna feel just like those raindrops do / When they’re falling down, honey, all around you. / Oh, I know you’re unhappy. Oh sit there, ah go on, go on / And count your fingers. / I don’t know what else, what else / Honey have you got to do. / And I know how you feel, / And I know you ain’t got no reason to go on / And I know you feel that you must be through. / Oh honey, go on and sit right back down, / I want you to count, oh count your fingers, / Ah my unhappy, my unlucky / And my little, oh, girl blue. / I know you’re unhappy, / Ooh ah, honey I know, / Baby I know just how you feel.” Janis Joplin / Little Girl Blue
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Original pen and ink design – 2008
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This image was made possible with Production and Art Direction by Alateia for the Shooters Gallery. Model: SEZ
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How long can you weep in silence? / Soon, the pain will be unbearable.. / If you’re not careful, you’d lose your mind.. / And maybe even, your life.. The original digital collage i did some 4-5yrs back.. / Done in photoshop. Photos and drawings used to make up this piece are my own shots taken and drawings done.. =D Also available as a print: /
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I will continue my story, which started with Mr.Moscow #1, this morning at around 10 am, Rebecca, one of the women who was sitting under the family tree with the ‘local’ mob with Mr. Moscow ,came to my restaurant and asked ‘miss are you coming again today, cause my friend wants to see you too’’ I love to come now I said, but I have to work, I come later ok, ‘after work’ maybe 3 pm..ok miss.. Later in afternoon 2 men came to my shop with the biggest boab, yesterday they where carving it, ‘miss, boab is now finished, you come mangroves, with feed?’ later I said, I’m bit busy in shop, but I will come, ..ok miss…I decided to make a nice feed for them so I made 2 plastic bags ready with rice, chicken, beef&lamb, some nice bread and softdrinks, 2 bags, for 2 groups, cause they ‘sitting’ under different trees..I even put some newspaper in the bags to use as tablecloth!.finally with ‘another’ lens 70-200 2.8L ,I went to the trees,...there was NOBODY there…s*&^% what I do now ?, i thought, I went back to the shop, emptied 1 bag and was determined to get rid off the other bag, I jumped in my old cruiser and decided to drive to the main “oval’ cause in the afternoon and especially at night are big crowds…ok a deep breath and i jumped out of the car and walked in a straight line to a group of maybe 9 people….1 lady (thanks God) regognised me and screamed “Miss, what now?” so I sat down with them and one lady attacked my bag with feed, but they told her off, and the biggest women (will get her name later) started chatting and did not stop till after 2 hours..it was ‘again’ a very interesting experience..hey miss. all white fellows looking at you sitting here, oh I said ,they jeaulous,..they all had to laugh.. they want me to come back and tell their stories, well thats exactly what i want, great I will come back, and we sit down again, and I’ll take feed and a pen and paper!! cause I can’t remember there names,also. they gave me two names, one for sister and one Aboriginal, skinname,..so I HAVE to go back and tell you’s later.. Broome 21 may 2008, main “Oval’
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“I expected times like this. But I never thought they’d be so bad, so long, and so frequent.” www.despair.com Uh huh. That pretty much sums it up! :-) Image by photographer Glennis Siverson, www.glennisphotos.com.
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Help!! was featured in Surrealism and The Voyage Of The Surrealists. It’s NOT A PENCIL DRAWING – it’s a pointillistic INK drawing, like all my other drawings.
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Placed in the Top 10 of the About Heartbreak Challenge in the “First Things” group. Placed in the Top 10 of the DISCONNECTED Challenge in the ART HOUSE PRODUCTIONS INTERNATIONAL group.
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TOP 10 in the “Eyes of a man” challenge of the The Eyes Have It Group (152 entries) ....stumbling in the dark
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Mixed Media
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People just keep driving by.
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oil painting 36” x 48” done in yellow “theme” of an earlier painting. Both relate to an episode of depression that I had to purge.
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Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or beatings. The world ends when you're dead.
by RaceyTayA Deadwood quote as a title is something to be treasured because rly? It’s a rare thing when half the worlds are not bleeped out.
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Model: Tori Bellentina / MUA: JK Makeup
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Created with fe202 What lies beyond will give you nothing but grief and despair / No matter how beautiful it may seem it is all a lie / Although you may get the feeling of trust from it, because of how wonderful it feels / Dont you dare, because not everything you see is always is what it may be
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A little self portrait.
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And when they had finished poisoning the earth, there was just a dark landscape of despair. The water was dead. The skies were empty. The ground was barren. Life had departed but only into death. The leap into outerspace did not occur. Only the leap into oblivion. The fools obsession with with ‘getting’ and ‘new’ reached the ultimate climax of total destruction. Earth. RIP.
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Part of a series More fractilius work, but blended in this time. Happy New Year everyone!
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