My stitches have been removed so I’m off out with the camera again tomorrow. I don’t watch a great deal of T.V. so it’s been quite a no…
My stitches have been removed so I’m off out with the camera again tomorrow. I don’t watch a great deal of T.V. so it’s been quite a novel few days catching up with all the news. / They were playing swing on the TV. last night, seems it’s coming back into fashion. At last young people have realised that it’s quite cool to hold on to your partner when you dance. I remember it well. As a child of the sixties I would love to dance but always struggled with the ritual of asking a girl . Yet you knew that this was to be the time when you would meet the one………… THE very special one who was going to set your life on fire. THE one who you were going to spend the rest of your days with…… or at least tonight. Well, you didn’t want to go home on your own. Then the Twist came along and ruined everything. Not long after that I took off to New Zealand .. Straight from the swinging sixties. There was the music, the fashion, the scene, the swinging sixties of London!! Two days later I was in Auckland. I thought I was still tripping!!! / It’s all a blur now. Where did all that time go? Now I’m ‘middle aged’….. a time when if your clothes don’t fit it’s you that needs the alteration.!! A time when you wake up in the morning and start thinking in a moment of insane and irrational optimism that in a week or two you’ll be feeling as good as ever!!! It’s not true. / I was at a dinner party recently and someone asked ” Do you remember the first time you had sex?”………. I can’t remember the last!! My body is changing shape, I can’t hold my stomach in anymore, all my glands are swollen up………except the one that’s designed to!!! I never used to worry about getting old because I never knew any old people called Terry. What happens ? Does the day suddenly arrive when you have to change your name to Albert? I suppose you don’t worry about anything until you think you might lose it. Thank God I haven’t started losing my hair. That’s got to be the worst the hair, wouldn’t you think? You can go to the gym and work off some extra weight if you’re out of condition but how do you work off a bald head? / I get caught between a healthy body and a healthy bank balance. Which one do I concentrate on . I ask my friends and they’re no help. Their message is the same…......‘Money isn’t everything’ / They say “As long as you’re happy!” they say…..“Oh… oh, he might be a famous rock star with forty eight million dollars in the bank living in a 15 bedroom mansion overlooking the ocean and married to a beautiful woman half his age ….. But…… is he happy?? Does a dog shit is my standard answer. My old dad (God bless him.) he used to say” You can’t take it with you”… I can’t afford to go!.. I’ve been paying into an account that allows me to retire at sixty on 1800 a month . I just found out they mean calories!!…. They say …”money isn’t everything, as long as you’ve got your health!” / My friends say to me “why don’t you go to the gym, it’ll help you focus, help you sort your life out” I went to India to sort my life out, didn’t do me any good. I came back just the same except four stone lighter. The food in India is like ‘the magic porridge pot’.. one portion of curry in this end ….fifteen portions out the other. You could not fit the contents of my arse inside Dr Who’s Tardis. / They say “you should go to the gym and get a work out” My local gym has a notice at the entrance saying ..‘under no circumstances is this gym available for workout till 5am…………. 5AM! At that time of the morning I can’t work out how to open my eyes!! In my teens I always assumed there would be a golden period .. After the spots cleared up and before my hair started turning white. I’m already past my physical peak. It’s like the summer seems to have only just begun when you realise that the nights are already drawing in. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellp!!!
Thanks so much for everything. I will write an article and post it as soon as answers have been received. Sandra 1. Can you please …
Thanks so much for everything. I will write an article and post it as soon as answers have been received. Sandra 1. Can you please introduce yourself? / HI I AM PAUL THE ART GUY! / I write stories and songs, sometimes poetry (eventually started doing this again after having given it up at 14 to leave more time for masturbation!) I paid for an aptitude for bits of the arts with a general and wide ranging ineptitude when it comes to normal human tasks. “Oh well, what the hell!” sang Mcwatt (this is from catch 22; which remains the best book in the universe. If you feel the same way email me and I will MARRY YOU. Or. Err. Buy you a muffin.) / I read a lot. Weird big historical books through to comics. The best reason to live forever is to read everything that has ever been written. And then start again at the bottom of the pile. / Apart from painting I have a side-line in cat straightening – an uncommon skill that I learned in a dzong in Bhutan. One day I hope to have a young apprentice and the balance of straight cats in the universe will be in perfect harmony… / (I am still grieving over the loss of SPG – Special Patrol Group, my Burmese cat full time compatriot and best friend. she would follow me round the house and sit on my shoulder when I went to the shops and… oh man. getting sad again. my friends are s’posed to be getting me a li’l kitten for my birthday, but I don’t think I can ever hope to replace her. the cat is dead! long live the cat!) 2. What makes you create? What influences your work greatly? Which approach do you take towards your artwork? What pushes you? I remember when I was fifteen, I told my girlfriend… / “I have this terrible craving. It is there all the time. It never goes away.” / And she said: / “Is it for SEX!!?” (she tackles me into the bushes.) / “No, babe. No. I don’t know what it is for. It hurts. I want it to stop… wish for it. It hurts me.” / Then we had sex. Again. (She and I are still very close by the way. I have painted her many times. It is twenty years since that day.) / I wrote this in my journal that night. / The painting and the writing. The songs. They help. And they are endless. I feel compelled to paint and write. I feel sick with guilt if I do not. Yeh – compelled. It is a COMPULSION. / I can’t work in a conventional context. I have never been able to work. I am too mad and madness – well… it really, really SUCKS. I have been fired from about 20 different jobs. / Most people make monumental sacrifices to paint as much as they can. I had no choice, I guess. Nope. A blessing somewhere there after all that humiliation and failure. Almost all of the jobs were labouring. It is hard to… be fired for ineptitude from the most basic of human endeavours. After the fifteenth time it is kinda depressing. / I still don’t know what the craving is for. It is still there. But if it is not destroyed, the old wounds that it finds wear the aegis of my work… and keen as the ache remains, will always remain, I DO have that. And I AM blessed that I was born with the means to access this amelioration. More than that, yes… more… I am PROUD that I have forced these honest and often strange things into the world with my will. 3. I read on your pages about bi-polar disorder you have… Can you please explain how this impacts your life and work? It is often said that artists in order to create need to have severe mood swings how does this impact your ability to create? / That is… a huge question. The two things are ultimately inseparable. The madness is extreme and impossible to convey. It is horrible. It is ugly and not something to be aspired to or romanticised. At the same time the connection between the arts and madness is unconditionally real. There is a defining quote from Proust: / (Forgive me if I misplace a word or two this is from my head) / “All the greatest things we have have come to us from neurotics. It is they and they only who have founded religions and created great works of art. Never will the world be conscious of what it owes them. Nor, most of all, what it has cost them to bestow their gifts upon us.” / I spent a lot of time earlier in my life trying to work out how much was me – ME and how much was madness and distortion; what motivated every movement I took? We are determined by our environment as much as by our personality, simply by being human. With bipolar, does our environment have less impact or perhaps, as in all passionate artists; MORE? Either way we react in extremis, or of course just ACT in extremis. One thing that I do believe, and with conviction (“convictions are more dangerous enemies of the truth than lies.” Voltaire. I think I am taking it out of context huh?”) / We live out our lives with such pain and such elation. We live each moment with INTENSITY. I believe that this is a power and a form of advantage in itself. / And this is common to True artists; all of us. It is that we feel so much so HARD that we are able to put on paper/in text/ in music something that moves other hearts. / I am kind. I am creative and I cannot help myself, I cannot ever stop. These are constant and absolute. No matter how manic or depressed I become, even if I am unable to act on my impulses to help otters because of my illness, or to make beautiful things; I will have this as a tenet that can brace me and hold me through my moments of despair and even through true madness. The awful truth, or alternately, the wondrous truth, is that it does not matter. We live our lives and act as we do. We try and ameliorate the tragedy that is part of any human’s life as we are able. It is these truths that make us valuable. Because we are artists we have more tools, and powerful ones. But we are also so very much more likely to hurt deeply. / I am bipolar. This is not an evil thing – it is not good nor is it bad, but, here, HERE we go again – it just IS. I am human and I am kind. I am an ARTIST. They are all me. They are inseparable; utterly and irrevocably entwined. / How else to live? 4. Which artists do you look up to and why? / - I like late Goya. He was so brave. Honest. Rembrandt was – and his works remain – magnificent. Da Vinci for drawing, Michelangelo and Rhodin for sculpture. Whilst I have a deep respect for these artists, I do not hold them in awe. I don’t think I could honestly say that I look up to them. The phraseology is… not quite what I feel. However, their work moves me and it is an essential piece of the endless puzzle of our world. It will remain so as long as the threads of human history wind through our minds – most of humanity can feel echoes at least of meaning in these works in their bones. Michelangelo’s The Pieta – it is a work that blazes with life; it defines passion. Here is power; it is held in so very few hands buried within ages and for ages yet. It is this that I crave. And cigarettes. Muffins. Sometimes. / - Although the truth is that the heroes for whom I hold the most reverence have nothing to do with painting. They are humanists and showed us a different kind of brilliance, and even love. Perhaps that also. Noam Chomsky, Einstein, Jesus. (Though I am not religious and believe he was simply a mortal, moral genius.) Ghandi. Most of all this little Indian man. He is, to me, the most beautiful of any of the magnificent humans listed here. John Wheeler (another physicist). Stephen Hawking and my father. / 5. Which are your favourite paintings of yours and why? Can you please tell us a bit more about them…? / - Hm wellllllll the works that I truly love are some of the darkest, and least saleable that I have done. “Entropy” would have to be up there. I am about to add “The atrocities of school I can’t forget.” Having trouble uploading stuff today. Of those I have uploaded “Monsters of hope.” (In my web-page – the url is www.pauldrobertson.com if you feel comfortable posting it – there are more than 300 pieces. Some songs… a couple of thousand pages of text maybe.) “Kissing Miss Poli,” is recent and important to me. It is the first time I have ever painted myself not tortured or ugly. Though Poli herself was actually a right bitch. / Well. She was. Really. / - 6. You share a lot of wonderful personal experiences through your work as well through the amazing artist comments under each one of them…. How do you feel about other people being able to find out so much about you? / - We ALL wear our hearts bloody on our sleeves. It is what artists DO. I have found that exposing my deepest thoughts and even my most humiliating experiences (LOTS of those!) is… / - Well liberating I suppose. And rather than explain it… rather than RETREAT. / - Here…. For you for us whole in our pieces Our hesitance, we HESITATE how CAN we? / A deep and cold weight swaying and shuddering. Alive with staccato violence, punching through any wholeness any aggregate any omneity any cohesion any assembled assimilation of the WHOLE ENCHILADA. We are in the world like a killer’s swollen soul like a war, like a star dying! Collapse an event horizon we are too distended with mass to escape the weight in our hearts the cold mass the cold the stone curse the albatross of loss! The cold the COLD! / Such / VIOLENCE against my ribs like a Titan’s maul, a god-hammer of ending! / Uncountable a breath a hundred bruising spasms another is there not yet blood is there not yet an end is there yet more breath after this after THIS. / Give up. Give IN. / Let it fall… swift enough to stir the air between our outstretched aching arms. De-integration – less than dust something neverthere. / Fail to clench fingers around what slides precious, precious and gone across our palms. Acquiescence like slipping into cool water; soothing radiation burns and gravel rash and paper cuts and humiliation and thrush. Like slipping into the best shoes that you ever ran in just before they fell apart; like slitting a throat. / Give in. / Close an empty hand in a slow, a soft folding. / Fingers trembling; a half grin peeled over teeth aching and worn; worn uncertain and fading in the half light. / Rictus of acceptance. Smile of the damned. Absolution in MEDIOCRITY. - / 7. You have received a number of awards for your artwork, and had your paintings hung near paintings of some amazing artists… can you please tell us a bit more about that and how does it make you feel? / - It was flattering to be hung next to some artists who had achieved such fame, and important because it happened at the beginning of my career. Though I think that there are far better artists on deviantart than the Australian publicly favoured. / - Almost all of the awards are small and local. Not THAT small but small. So far the prizes are normally a thousand, though sometimes they want to keep the piece… I won an international award for the first time a few months ago. I am REALLY BAD at keeping track of such things. I can FIND thirteen award certificates, though I know there are 16 and according to my ex-girlfriend there are 19 now. There are probably more in my house somewhere. I dunno. If I have cycled down and I have despair, when I find out I have won something I cry. I think I do that when I am up too. Yes. The validation, the vindication of it takes my breath away. That others can see what seethes in my heart… / - 8. What advice would you like to give to other emerging artists? Can you please share some of your insights, and experiences? / - In a practical sense – try different media! If you can draw you can paint. And… / - BE BRAVE. TRUST YOUR PASSIONS. SPEAK TRUTHS WITH YOUR WORK AND SHOW WHENEVER AND WHEREVER YOU CAN. BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU DO AND ARE. HOPE AND HOPE AND HOPE AND HOPE AGAIN.
I thought this was soooo quirky it couldn’t go unspotted… Australian’s have been hearing about this all week, now the President is…
I thought this was soooo quirky it couldn’t go unspotted… Australian’s have been hearing about this all week, now the President is gone (oh woe!). In the wake of yesterday’s sadness, I wish to highlight to the world how secure we really are! Even with 10s of 1000s of dollars, tch tch… The Chaser is a program aired on the ABC (Australia’s Independent Government Broadcaster or something). They specialize in making a scene by challenging political thinking and basically making public asses of themselves through ‘comedy’. I am not a regular viewer of the program, and they have their lovers and haters. But whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em, I can’t deny the potency of this example… It’s a wonder they didn’t get killed, and I am glad they didn’t, but they were antagonising the security for the entire time… How did they not see this coming… Good work Chaser… you proved something to me that I already thought anyway… Below is a transcript from the ABC News website and a few other links for those interested… Mixed response to Chaser’s APEC antics THE ABC has received 266 complaints about the Chaser team’s breaching of security at the APEC forum in Sydney last week. The national broadcaster has also had 177 phone calls, emails or letters of “appreciation” for the stunt in which the Chaser team were charged by police with entering a restricted zone after driving a mock motorcade bearing Canadian flags through two security checkpoints. The Chaser team maintained they had no intention of entering the restricted “red” zone. Once inside it, they turned around voluntarily and were approached by police only after Chaser performer Chas Licciardello got out of the car, dressed as Osama bin Laden. An ABC spokeswoman, Lesna Thomas, said: “People generally call to complain. You usually don’t hear from them when they like a show, so the number of appreciative calls is high.” She said the ABC had not had any complaints about the Chaser prank from politicians or police. Talkback callers around the country supported the Chaser by a four-to-one margin.Media Monitors figures showed the Chaser stunt accounted for more than a third of the 420 calls on APEC between last Thursday and Sunday. On 2UE in Sydney one caller thanked the Chaser team for highlighting a major hole in the APEC security, while another on Melbourne’s 3AW said the stunt was funny and criticised the Government for spending more than $170 million on security for APEC instead of on hospitals and public transport. On the ABC in Sydney another caller called the prank hilarious and said she did not think it was irresponsible. But one caller, on 3AW, said if US President George Bush had been in his hotel, the Chaser team could all have been killed. He described them as lunatics. Late yesterday, the day before the sixth anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks, the Chaser team released on the community networking site, My Space, a spoof address from Osama bin Laden. The team have renamed their program tomorrow night The Chaser’s War on APEC. http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,23663,22345122-10229,00.html / http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/09/06/1188783378804.html / http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/09/07/1188783496428.html
I got attacked by a dog a few days ago. It came out of nowhere this thing snarling and growling. Not sure what it was …. Some psychopathi…
I got attacked by a dog a few days ago. It came out of nowhere this thing snarling and growling. Not sure what it was …. Some psychopathic pit-bull Chihuahua…… / Readers Digest Book of Handy Hints says “ Once the attack has commenced use anything on your person as a weapon” ….I only had a Bic biro … what was I supposed to do …. Write on it?! (Please f**k off) / The owner came sloping along … I knew it was the owner he had ‘Bollocks’ tattooed across his forehead. I shout out “ Hey mate!.. MATE!! ..can you call your dog off?” He snorted back.. “Don’t be a pussy mate………he even likes kids”…I thought I bet he does …………..with gravy. / “You must have done something to get it going’ / Like what? Sniffing it’s arse ………….or humping it’s leg!! I was lucky to get away from both of them. / I got home to find the bank have stopped calling me “ Dear valued customer” …. is that an omen? / See……….. they give you an umbrella when the sun’s out and when it starts raining they take it back again. ……they’ll lend you money alright, as long as you can provide evidence that you don’t need it. …………. I always need it!! Well it does come in handy …especially with the recent news….. My daughter has a new man in her life ….. It seems things are getting very serious now and she’s talking about changing her name to his……………… that’s ok but………. I’m never going to get used to calling her Rodney. I wish them a long and happy marriage , the same as I wished myself. …..Mind you that dream was shattered a short time back when after thirty years of marriage my wife and I decided to call it a day. / Let me tell you wether a relationship is good or bad, after thirty years of being together when that person is no longer there it leaves a big gap to fill….. I wandered around in a bit of a daze at first…….started doing things I don’t normally do………..like the dishes, making the bed…. / She said I never told her I loved her enough.…….,she said even Adam said to Eve ‘I love you’………… course he did… who else was there?! He’s hardly seeing someone on the side is he? He’s not exactly out with the lads every night is he? Coming home pissed looking for ‘rumpy pumpy’ No! / And Eve wouldn’t have had to pressure him much if he did turn up late….. “WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE BEEN???!” “…………………………………...over there.” She called me a typical man ……………. A typical man. what’s that supposed to mean? By that reckoning Jesus was a typical man ……He said he’d be back again and nobody’s seen him since. I wish my bank manager would take a leaf from him
David, my ex-pat London lawyer friend had a visit from his parents this week….. …….Lord and Lady something or other…… ‘Loads-a-Money’ I …
David, my ex-pat London lawyer friend had a visit from his parents this week….. …….Lord and Lady something or other…… ‘Loads-a-Money’ I think……man have they got serious cash ……I once visited their huge mansion in Bath, England…. monstrous place, even their chauffeur has a chauffeur. They’ve got glass hand bells for summoning servants and sporting trophies in a cabinet. / He says to me “my parents are here why don’t you come round Friday after dinner” …….We’re just worlds apart. He’s had a a long and successful career… I come from Dagenham in East London. People who live there don’t have careers they‘re well pleased just to have jobs. / It’s not twinned with anywhere that’s for sure. It hasn’t any strange attractions which must not be missed, or an information centre…… nobody wants to go there…. It has got an escape committee and a suicide pact with Stevenage. / Our house was really pokey….. two short strides and you were half way up the stairs. The walls were so thin if the television wasn’t switched on you could hear next door’s budgie talking to itself. Mind you these days the budgie would be more entertaining…..Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than look at each other. If I settle myself in front of the T.V. for, I don’t know, ten minutes. I am in serious danger of remaining there for ever!!……… I cannot drag myself away!!!. I sit there and watch the most crappiest movies into the wee small hours , eyes bulging out of my head. I know where the remote is …. It’s on top of the telly but I can’t be arsed getting up to get it!! / I was addicted as a kid……… / I loved the cowboys…..Hopalong Cassidy, Rin Tin Tin ,The Lone Ranger, The Cisco kid…………. I’d spend hours in the shed afterwards slapping me chaps…………………………………......as cowboys did !!!!!!!! / I arrived at David’s, knocked on the door he opened it wearing a dinner jacket and bow tie saying….” I thought I told you to come round ‘after’ dinner” …..I said “That’s what I have come round ‘after‘…… (know what I mean ….worlds apart.!)………. / Have you ever been for a stuffy tea in the house of the rich….they have fish knives and cruet sets. I’ve never seen a fish knife in my life. Come to think of it that’s not strictly true ….my old dad had one that he used to scrape out the chicken shit from the nesting boxes. …… I’d spot him a bit later spreading butter on his toast………… same knife!!!………………… / David’s mother said ”Do you mind if I sit on your right hand at dinner?” …(you’re ahead of me I’m sure..) I said…” I guess so………. But I might have to use it!……….( not a smile ..not a crack …. Not even a grimace.)… I thought some Friday night this is tuning out to be. I know the dying process starts the minute we’re born but somehow it accelerated this night. We started with consommé …. It tasted like someone had left a bowl of warm water and a piece of meat in the same room together….. and NOTHING is less important to me than what fork to use… / She said “ I have no concern for the common man other than he should not be so common”…. I said” Go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut!” and it was all down hill from there………..
Having dinner with my rich English friends last month got me thinking again about the whole class structure I grew up in. New Zealand cer…
Having dinner with my rich English friends last month got me thinking again about the whole class structure I grew up in. New Zealand certainly has one but unlike the U.K. it’s not directly in your face. At their home in Bath they had tables you couldn’t put things on and cushions you wouldn’t dare sit on. Expensive ornaments were placed in back lit alcoves. These people had shelves with just one item on!! They wore dinner jackets and polished shoes. / I was brought up on blazers and stay press trousers for best…. socks with open toe sandals. We had a cosy cover on the toilet seat and a musical lavatory roll. We had a shed with pigeons. Simple meals at home ….. The joy of golden syrup on white bread…………. / The neighbours ….related or not… were my aunts and uncles, each one of them a colourful cockney character. All decked out in cloth cap and work boots. Braces over collarless shirts worn thin from endless washing, looking for all the world like the entire cast of ‘My Fair Lady’……. “Oh wouldn’t it be luvely!!!” …… / As a boy I used to go to the local swimming pools. There was a whole class structure there……… based on suntans. Ranging from the bronze Adonis strutting their stuff by the poolside down to ……. well me! I used to go to the far corner with all the rubbish and the spilt ice cream. People would say…………. “Look at that skinny white kid he shouldn’t be allowed in”. / That’s how we’d end up swimming in the local duck pond…… and I use the word ‘pond’ loosely. Please put out of your head any image of a pristine pool with white fluffy ducks gliding across its surface. This was full of stuff that nobody wanted. Old tyres, old tins of paint …….. old people! / There’s a shopping centre now where that pond used to be and the pool closed down when people found out they could get a better class of verruca at the new leisure centre. Funny ……they talk about extra leisure time but if you go down to the local leisure centre they’re all doing something to keep fit! They’re lifting, squatting, sweating, running………. If I owned the place there would be nothing but rows of beds covered in Sunday newspapers……. / I’ve never been into keep fit myself not even the stretching type like Yoga….. There can be no more terrible sight than a man in his under pants locked in the lotus position with his feet stuck under his arm pits completely unable to move! When ever I feel like exercise I lie down until the feeling passes. / Even Mick Jagger jogs 30km a day… 30km!! And he’s started to look healthy! / I preferred him the old way…wasting away from drink and drugs. He was always a hero of mine…… / We would have just finished the Sunday roast, every week a winner….. / If you don’t eat roast beef you’ll never know the joys of Yorkshire pudding. You can hardly soak the gravy up with musselli. ….Meal over and everyone falls asleep. The only thing on the telly is one of those black and white English war films. You know the sort…… the sergeant takes this platoon of raw recruits and moulds them into a tough and fighting force and then hands them over to John Mills who gets them all killed. I could never stand it but the trouble was the only alternative was to go driving for the afternoon with the old man ……. And even the thought was scary! …I firmly believe the term Sunday driver was coined for my dad!! He’d say “ I don’t know what they’re rushing for they’re not going to get there any quicker”…. Oh yes they are dad, about a day quicker at the rate we go….. / I’d saunter over to the stereo and put on a Rolling Stones record. . My mum would grumble “ You can turn that off for a start!. .we don’t want to listen to all that Beatles rubbish”……… I could never understand how she could not tell the difference between the two groups ….because it was clear to me. / If the Beatles had knocked on the door they”d have been all polite and giggled a bit because they just had a joint down the road and then got all embarrassed.. ….. Paul would have blushed and they would have had tea and pulled mother’s leg a little, then a bit of a laugh again and “Thanks ”and “Ta’ra” and off down the road together. …..whereas the Stones…after dropping acid, would have come in tripping , swallowed the gold fish, knocked a few of the flying ducks off the wall, pissed on the rose beds and fucked off!!…….. / Sadly the Sunday roast is losing it’s grip in the 21st century with too many people working eighty hours a week to keep up their life style!…… . The newspaper adverts told us we could have it all. On the TV there’s always the happy smiling kids and parents laughing around the breakfast table together. We could be great dads and still go off skiing and earn lots of money and pop out of a business meeting to tell our children a bedtime story over the mobile phone……but it can’t be done…something has to give!………………… usually the sex life. / Now days we have milk that lasts and marriages that don’t! / I blame it on women’s magazines….most men dread them coming out … they never know what to do….each month something else from another expert… / She’s saying… “Oh look at this …. ’Ten Ways To Win Back Your Man’s Attention’ ……… this looks interesting……….ten ways…win back attention” I think put the magazine down would be a good number one don’t you? This month ‘Twenty Five Ways To Improve Your Sex Life’ ….. Sorry ….‘NEW’………. ‘Twenty Five NEW Ways To Improve Your Sex Life!’ ……….. I don’t know twenty five OLD ones!! / Last month in Cosmopolitan they suggested yoghurt!……… I don’t even like yoghurt on its own!!!…..
Thought I’d share this message I got last night…. ... / Hey! Sorry for disturbing you, my name is xxxxx and I’m from xxxxx, I saw one…
Thought I’d share this message I got last night…. ... / Hey! Sorry for disturbing you, my name is xxxxx and I’m from xxxxx, I saw one of your t-shirts and I loved it. There’s no way to buy it from USA, so I’d like to ask you can you please send me the original picture of the cloud and the ice creams to xxxxxxxxx. / Thank you! / ... Hilarious! / Boy did I laugh! But listen kids – DON’T do stuff like that!
Go Here / To see what has been done to me now. Posting your pictur…
Go Here / To see what has been done to me now. Posting your picture is dangerous sometimes. LOL!!!!
For those of you in Melbourne during the Comedy Festival with an interest in local comics, I highly recommend trying to get over to Trade…
For those of you in Melbourne during the Comedy Festival with an interest in local comics, I highly recommend trying to get over to Trades Hall for this. It’s free to go, and features some fantastic local talent, including Nicki Greenberg, author of the highly-publicised graphic novel adaptation of The Great Gatsby. Nakedfella Productions Presents Stand-up comedy is lovely, but it’s got a Twilight Zone-style mirror world which lives on paper and feeds on ink: the world of the underground cartoonist. Australia’s vigorous community of independent comic book makers spend their days as clerks, shopgirls, students, teachers, ad artists, animators and telemarketers. By night the spotlight drops onto their drawing boards and their pens and brushes come out to play. Their work is angry, scatological, satiric, whimsical and just plain funny. Comic Book Funny is a series of free events presenting the often hilarious, occasionally touching and always purchasable works of Australia’s funniest comics auteurs—the print analogue to the rest of the Comedy Festival. Drop by the Bella Union Bar at Trades Hall each Saturday at 4pm and you’ll meet a few more talented cartoonists. See their wares! Ask them questions! Drink with them! Admire their ink-stained fingers! Featuring Australia’s best and funniest cartoonists: Gerard Ashworth, Neale Blanden, David Blumenstein, Bernard Caleo, Pat Grant, Nicki Greenberg, Ben Hutchings, Dean Rankine, Glenn Smith, Ross Tesoriero, Andrew Weldon and more! David Blumenstein and Ben Hutchings will be podcasting local comics talk and general silliness during the festival, at http://www.nakedfella.com/blog/. This show is part of Comedy @ Trades LISTING INFORMATION Venue: Bella Union Bar, Trades Hall / Dates: Saturday Mar 22, Mar 29, Apr 5, Apr 12 / Tickets: Free / Times: 16:00pm / Bookings: None
Hi all, Here is a recent story of mine, hope you like: !http://i30.photo…
Hi all, Here is a recent story of mine, hope you like:
What a weekend. yesterday spring had definitely sprung, temperatures rose to 20C and the sun shone all day. / I attended the dress rehear…
What a weekend. yesterday spring had definitely sprung, temperatures rose to 20C and the sun shone all day. / I attended the dress rehearsal of a play I had written with a few friends-it is being performed tonight to the public :) It is only a short play but has all the components which add that sense of drama > a funeral, conflict, comedy, missing jewels and a secence; complete with thunder claps and spirit activity. It was so much fun writing it. Yesterday was also the day for setting up and hanging for an art exhibition I am part of. 16 South Island NZ Art Guild members are set to wow Cantabrians (people from the Canterbury region) with their eclectic collection of artworks in a first of a kind exhibition. “Common Ground” is showing from Monday 15th – 21st September 2008. / Mon – Sun 10am – 5pm / Opening Day – Artists in Residence – Monday 15th September. / Gallery “O” in the Christchurch Arts Center, Christchurch, New Zealand. / Level 1, Boulevard shops and galleries / Worchester Boulevard (stairwell adjacent to Coffee Corner) The Exhibition titled “Common Ground” will raise the bar for artists throughout New Zealand as this group of well known artists showcase their talents and make their original works available for sale to the general public. The public are invited to a unique opportunity to meet and watch the “Artists in Residence” who will be creating paintings onsite during the opening day celebrations, Monday September 15th. The Artists involved are excited to share this experience with everyone. All the participating artists – Amanda Hook, Anni Morris, Barb Warren, Chavah Kinloch, Cheryl Irwin, Elissa Ramsay, Janet Marshall, Jude Blake, Kirsty Black, Maria Hartley, Pam Buffery, Rachael Inch, Ron Esplin, Sharon Burger, Shelly Van Soest, Tanya Dann, Viv Hansen – are proud members of the NZ Art Guild. The NZ Art Guild is a nationwide organisation which is committed to promoting, supporting and providing resources and opportunities to all kiwi artists. I got a phone call last night to say I had sold a painting ‘The Sisters’ before it opened. It was totally unexpected,and a big suprise. A fellow artist had bought it. / Fingers crossed for lots of sales over the next week for all the artists involved. Oh…yes, the cheescake. I have a weakness for raspberries and made a raspberry cheesecale. The recipe is soooooooooo easy and definitely worth a go. End result is impressive and incredibly yummy so thought I would share the recipe here. So creative vibes to all and happy painting and eating ;) ~ Hugs Anni Raspberry Cheescake -Easy / Serves 8 / Prep 20 mins / Cook 40 mins / Ready in 1 hour Ingredients: * 8 digestive biscuits * 50g butter , melted * 600g cream cheese * 2 tbsp plain flour * 175g caster sugar * vanilla extract * 2 eggs , plus 1 yolk * 142ml pot soured cream Method 1. Heat the oven to 180C/fan 160C/gas 4. Crush the biscuits in a food processor (or put in a plastic bag and bash with a rolling pin). Mix with the butter. Press into a 20cm springform tin and bake for 5 minutes, then cool. / 2. Beat the cream cheese with the flour, sugar, a few drops of vanilla, eggs, the yolk and soured cream until light and fluffy. Pour into the tin. Bake for 40 minutes and then check, it should be set but slightly wobbly in the centre. Leave in the tin to cool. Try – Put a handful of whole raspberries into the base before pouring over the cheese mixture. Mash and sieve a further 200g raspberries and drizzle 2 tbsp over the top, running a knife through any large blobs. Bake as before and serve the rest of the sauce on the side. Top the cheesecake with more fresh raspberries.
OK.. THE… HOOK UP ARTIST SENT THIS TO ME ON MY PIECE / BUTTERFLY EFFECT...
OK.. THE… HOOK UP ARTIST SENT THIS TO ME ON MY PIECE / BUTTERFLY EFFECT / STEVE HOOK CAN REALLY MAKE YOUR DAY WITH HIS HOOK UP FACTOR HERE IS THE….....BUTTERFLY EFFECT IN REAL TIME I have only watched this a million times!!
At 2am last night / this morning – sorry Sunday – (whatever!) / I uploaded my NaNoWriMo Novel! _”Freedom Pione…
At 2am last night / this morning – sorry Sunday – (whatever!) / I uploaded my NaNoWriMo Novel! ”Freedom Pioneers” ( for want of a better title! lol) ☺♣♪♦♫♥☼♥♫♦♪♣☺♣♪♦♫♥☼♥♫♦♪♣☺♣♪♦♫♥☼♥♫♦♪♣☺ / ……………… ☼ !!!!!!!!!! YAY !!!!!!!!!! ☼ ………….. / ☺♣♪♦♫♥☼♥♫♦♪♣☺♣♪♦♫♥☼♥♫♦♪♣☺♣♪♦♫♥☼♥♫♦♪♣☺ Don’t ask me how, don’t ask Mick either [he was non-compos or wisely absent for most of it!] but I managed to upload close to 75K Saturday 22nd into here. It’s not finished [that’s what this week is for!] but I’ve passed the min word count! / ☼☺☼ YAY!!!! ☼☺☼ / I dread to think how it reads though! lol The Challenge is to just sit down for a month and write a novel! / You don’t have to edit – that’s what December is for! – you just have to get the story on the page! / November has 30 days so it’s about 1667w per day! or 2 pages ish Of course I join 5 days late & have the hassle of having my irritating boarder & then my weekend with my kids so really I started this in earnest Thursday! [ish] and last night [well 2am this morning] I finished uploading the story I created in those 3 days of solid typing! [my hands hurt!] The word count minimum is 50,000 words / And of course I’ve done close to 75,000! / I have to admit it’s not finished yet – but that’s what this week is for! lol / (did I say that already? Sorry I’m psyching myself back into it! lol☺) So I have created links on my homepage for the 3 parts that I have written to create / this massive novel! Part of the objective of the Nanowrimo is that when you have exceeded the 50k words you then email your manuscript in (for verification predominantly) but also there will be literary agents & publishers looking for the next Bryce Courtney or Mem Fox [or whoever!] for me THAT is this challenge aim! To have my words read by someone who can then offer them to be read by everyone! I had been trying to write mine starting the 5th – 5 days late making my daily average aim 2000 – ok I can do that! I do journal entries that are more than that! Heck my comments can be that long sometimes! / But then I had a boarder & kids & pets & mothers & ... no just the border from annoyville! / I could not think! let alone type when he was shoving some inane toy or whatever under my nose to look at & gush over & talk to him & answer him & play with him & watch Pirated DVDs with him etc….. & the sooking that went on if I ignored him !!!! Man !!! He was a bloody HUGE overgrown spoilt 2 year old! {breathe … in … out … and in … and out … and in and out … there all better!} [NO I did NOT watch the Pirated DVDs and you have no idea how tempted I am to dob him in about them! – still might the Brat!] So I got a sort of skeleton down in a week about 20Ks worth – uploading the first chapters of each part – just to confuse everyone! ☺ But it’s FUN!!! {and I call him a brat! lol} So he goes Wednesday 19th & next morning I wake up early (Thursday 20th) and start fleshing out the skeleton [I take a break every now and then to think & bubble! lol] and in 2 ½ days I have 55,000 words more! – ok that’s 6am – 2am Thursday & Friday [with a break for tea & going to the shop with Mick – I think we did] so you could say I typed my fingers off! That is averaging 25k each day and then Saturday morning doing the last 4.5 or so as I started uploading the rest. Anyhoo if you feel so inclined I invite you to have a read – if not just breeze over the pages in my Folio filled with the chapters and chapters in parts and parts & oh forget it! lol Keep Happy! ☼☺☼ / Chookas! X♥X PS!!! Any of you artists out there think you can come up with some cover art for me? I would be eternally grateful!!! [They end up in Melbourne 1851] ok? ☼♣☼ “FREEDOM PIONEERS” / ~ an action packed Historical Romantic Comedy [I hope] / Set trans Atlantic & Pacific 1850s / each part’s first chapter - / Phoenix / Worldly / Expeditions / follow the links from there / Enjoy! ♥
Go Here His name must…
Go Here His name must be Stuart Chapman Cause he is the funniest Chap I know! LOL Be warned he has a split personatlity. Or an alter ego.
Must see Here / I think I need…
Must see Here / I think I need to get a lawyer! These allegations!!!!!!!!! / Are they true? / Stuart you ROCK / Thanks buddy! Great Laughs….....Cheers /
Sheep pong – well they do, but this is NOT what you’re expecting! / ...
Sheep pong – well they do, but this is NOT what you’re expecting!
Found this on a joke site, but, it is real bloopers from church bulletins; and, cause of one of the biggest laugh sessions I’ve had in ag…
Found this on a joke site, but, it is real bloopers from church bulletins; and, cause of one of the biggest laugh sessions I’ve had in ages! 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 3. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” / The sermon tonight: / “Searching for Jesus.” 4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall – Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. 5. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands. 6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you. 8. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help. 9. Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 10. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons. 13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ” Break Forth Into Joy.” 14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice. 17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. 21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to / follow. 23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. / They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. 26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge ! – Up Yours!”
Compliments of my friend Alie… Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the c…
Compliments of my friend Alie… Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. / The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” / “Eight,” the boy replied. / The man continued, “do you know what these are used for?” / The boy replied, “not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either.”
09-09-09 saw the opening of my first official art exhibition… / I say official lightly as it was not a publicized traditional solo exhib…
09-09-09 saw the opening of my first official art exhibition… / I say official lightly as it was not a publicized traditional solo exhibit, but one held in conjunction with the Cinefest Oz French Australian film festival, which is held annually in Busselton. Some amazing films were on view for the public at the local Cinema, as well as many short animated clips showing daily at the ArtGeo gallery and cultural centre (where my art was on display) / The exhibition ran for one week to coincide with the French Australian Film Festival, a busy and exciting time for the arts in this region. / I was honoured to share my exhibition space with an incredible artist by the name of Troy Bennell. Troy is an award winning artist, highly acclaimed in the indigenous arts scene not just in australia, but internationally, and a most wonderful young man as well, his work is strong and beautiful, and I must say I look forward to working on future projects with him. / I got a surprise to realize I actually had images of Troy already here on RB, taken at the beach festival in January when he was performing on the didgeridoo Here are a few glimpses within the walls of the gallery – an old building that was originally a bank, then the Agricultural Department building before being restored and upgraded into a professional art gallery. I have to say it was overwhelming to see my work on those big white walls!! / Bill Webb of the Wardan Cultural Centre delivered a wonderful “Welcome to Country” speech for the movie premiere of Stone Bros and guests, and here he strikes a pose in front of the artwork featuring his portrait, that won an award for me at last year’s Signature Southwest Art Prize. / Hmmm….someone taking time out to play while the others are busy inside working…... As part of Cinefest Oz, Saturday night featured the West Australian premiere of the new movie Stone Bros , followed by an after party for VIP guests, stars, producers etc, at the gallery where my art was on display. It was an amazing night and loads of fun too! / Stars of the movie Stone Bros, Luke Carroll, Sarah Lawrence and Leon Burchill party with local lady Josephine Ziino… It was great to meet these people after seeing their movie, they were all so down to earth, fun and friendly. These photos were only taken with a little handbag point and shoot, so aren’t the best but will give you a bit of an idea of the fun / Luke Carroll (Eddie), Sarah Lawrence, Leon Burchill (Charlie) and producer Ross Hutchens / A bit of fun with one of the stars from Stone Bros – Gary Cooper. / Gary Cooper, Leon Burchill, Merlin, and two lovely assistants outside the ArtGeo Gallery. / The most unlikely star of the movie, and one who stole the show, was little Merlin….shown here with owner/co-star Gary Cooper. / After playing a monster of a role in the movie Stone Bros, Merlin looks pretty humble and quite approachable…..lol If you get the chance, you must go see this movie Stone Bros…..it was filmed between Perth and Kalgoorlie in Western Australia, and is described as being an “indigenous comedy”, but that is an understatement….. it is the most hilarious movie I have ever seen, a cross between Cheech and Chong and Priscilla Queen of the Desert, with a whole lot more thrown in (including one scene that was a real take off of the Paris Hilton look ab-original style…lol…..) Very original, fresh, funny, and with a lot of smoke, a damn lot of smoke, and stones of all descriptions, I defy anyone with a pulse not to laugh out loud at this movie! check it out Stone Bros. Trailer from Australian Film Syndicate on Vimeo.
Well i found him he is in MY IMAGES!!! / Just some fun to give everyone a smile for the day. / Stuart Chapman...
Well i found him he is in MY IMAGES!!! / Just some fun to give everyone a smile for the day. / Stuart Chapman / Let the games begin buddy!! “Stuart always trying to get in my images. Here at Birch Tree Alley“ / “Here he is popping up right as I was about to shoot this shot.“ / “Oh and I am not kidding give him a few beers and he will do anything.“ / “Now he is just out of control“ / “Um Can’t explain it…....and don’t remember it.“ / “And his favortie image of all time.“ / “I swear he is a Kangaroo“ / Stuart Chapman’s Leap Of Faith / “He is Everywhere“ /
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Wishing Tree Christmas Card Series / Little Profiles Christmas Series / Angel Christmas Cards / Nativity Christmas Cards / Other Christmas Cards / Party Girl Card Series /
Just found I have sold another Beware of the Photographer...
Just found I have sold another Beware of the Photographer t-shirt. It’s one of my top 5 favourites so I always get an even bigger buzz when someone else likes it too :-)
I can hardly believe the last few days – since the beginning of November, I have sold NINE of my Beware of the Photographer....
I can hardly believe the last few days – since the beginning of November, I have sold NINE of my Beware of the Photographer t-shirts. A huge thank you to all the buyers – you have fantastic taste LOL and have done my morale soooo much good.
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