Building Blocks

Thank goodness I found Libby. She is one of a few people in the history of my life that I absolutely have no qualms with. I don’t ask too much of her. She does not ask too much of me. We don’t have arguments. We don’t take jabs at each other. It’s not like we are joined at the hip, but at least we know where we stand together.

I am confessing that I don’t know how to make friends anymore. I am equating this to many many things that I’ve seen over the years. I remember in junior high school that my birthday was the same day as one of the popular girls. An actual “Heather” if you will. Although she was not ever mean to me… she controlled the lion’s share of my small class, not to mention the ability to steal any boy she wanted.

Heather had a rather large slumber party that yours truly was not invited to. Most of my friends went. I moved my party to another weekend so they could all go and not have to choose. Choose… now that is funny. No choice really. I would lose.

I only invited three or four girls to my slumber party that I really liked. Eventually the conversation got around, or perhaps I directly asked. Yes, in fact, they had gossiped about me at Heather’s party. I did not blame my friends. This is how it was. I’d seen it myself and bowed out on many occasions. If you weren’t present, you were fair game for the smack down. I believe the term they used for me was “goody-two-shoes”. Probably because I got good grades and was quiet and nice to everyone.

We were walking down a major street discussing what a bitch Heather was when one of my friends looked like she was about to dive into the bushes. She grabbed my arm and said, “I thought that was Heather that just drove by!” I knew that she would be embarrassed to be seen with me. And as it was, I felt her pain. I would not want her to have to feel this shame. Basically, I understood completely and felt bad for her.

This is one small example of who I am and why I prefer solitude and few friends. These things build us and don’t have to make us, but I would prefer to be seen on a level playing field and my own reflection won’t let me if I surround myself with those who would venture to make this not so.



Comments

  • perfect
    perfectabout 4 years ago

    I felt for you when I read that…Kids and young adults can have such BS.
    Aim High and never look back " – )) Finding peace in your own company is always a Biggy. I never was chosen for sports teams I was always the new kid at school My Mum had us at a new school every year. But this training enabled me to make it in New York for 14 years from scratch knowing no one. There is always a purpose somewhere in reality spinning its web me thinks ’ – ))

  • Agreed. In fact, I think more kids went through this than didn’t. I am just sorting through some issues at the moment. It’s important to know where we came from. : )

    – Zolton

  • Rusty Gentry
    Rusty Gentryabout 4 years ago

    Oz, first of all, please stop it. I mentioned your “Bird” photo to someone on the phone the other day and their exact response was: “Yes, that was hot. She’s a beautiful woman. She ought to model.”
    Ironically, I’ve always been the kid who just didn’t fuck with people because they were warm. Always something of a cat who just did my thing with a very small group of friends. Somehow we tended to fit into any click, probably because we didn’t give a fuck. May I make a suggestion? “Don’t give a fuck. You are beautiful just the way your are.” xo

  • OH! Thanks, Rusty. Yes… I know. That’s really good advise. I just wish my not giving a fuck didn’t mean cramming it down people’s throats because that clearly is giving a fuck! ha ha Aaargg.

    – Zolton

  • Rusty Gentry
    Rusty Gentryabout 4 years ago

    Don’t cram it, just don’t acknowledge. It’s rather natural to me, but I’m sure you can practice: otherwise it’s not “not giving a fuck!” Right?

  • Rusty Gentry
    Rusty Gentryabout 4 years ago

    Learn to walk away laughing.

  • Rusty Gentry
    Rusty Gentryabout 4 years ago

    Of course, I’m a multifunctional, maladaptive,, misanthropic, shut in, who just doesn’t even try. So, you may want to delete all previous comments.

  • Well that is just precious! ha ha xox

    – Zolton

  • Solar Zorra
    Solar Zorraabout 4 years ago

    Why does everybody have a “Heather”? Really her f’n name was Heather. In Jr. High I was really tall and skinny but not in a good way. I was worse than a goody two shoes….I was invisible. The popular girls (Heather was the prettiest but Kelly was the alfa bitch) used to make fun of me by making me think I was accepted by them then somehow shitting on me. I was a dork but not stupid so I shut it down fairly quick. I actually had a fairy tale ending though……the summer before High school I blossomed into something. I went steady all through HS with the most popular guy, captian of the hockey and football team. I don’t even remember Heather or Kelly in all of High School. NOW neither of them are my friends on facebook, the whole rest of the school is, but they STILL shun me. I’ve never been to a reunion but my 35th is coming up in 2014 and I can’t wait to go back to my stinkin home town and see what’s become of these ignorant bitches. Wow, thanks for letting that out……see you’re not the only one that go trampled on. To this day I have 0 girl friends, i guess it’s better that way.

  • I did not “blossom” until I got into my mid thirties. It was weird having guys suddenly going out of their way opening doors for me and shit. ha ha… I had no issues going to my 20th reunion. I am friends with a lot of people from high school on FB because I got on there for the reunion. The people I’ve clicked with on there were people I didn’t even know. The people I probably should have been friends with. What is funny is… we had another Heather that looked like Winona Ryder! ha ha… but anyway. I love women for the most part on a real level, but women tend to see other women as competition. I don’t know if men deal with that. I suppose they do. Most of the ones I know just see a man as another beer buddy though. ha ha

    Consider me your girlfriend. And do tell about your reunion after the fact. ; P

    – Zolton

  • John Nelson
    John Nelsonabout 4 years ago

    Amen Sister! Heathers hmmph! :)

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