Thank goodness I found Libby. She is one of a few people in the history of my life that I absolutely have no qualms with. I don’t ask too much of her. She does not ask too much of me. We don’t have arguments. We don’t take jabs at each other. It’s not like we are joined at the hip, but at least we know where we stand together.
I am confessing that I don’t know how to make friends anymore. I am equating this to many many things that I’ve seen over the years. I remember in junior high school that my birthday was the same day as one of the popular girls. An actual “Heather” if you will. Although she was not ever mean to me… she controlled the lion’s share of my small class, not to mention the ability to steal any boy she wanted.
Heather had a rather large slumber party that yours truly was not invited to. Most of my friends went. I moved my party to another weekend so they could all go and not have to choose. Choose… now that is funny. No choice really. I would lose.
I only invited three or four girls to my slumber party that I really liked. Eventually the conversation got around, or perhaps I directly asked. Yes, in fact, they had gossiped about me at Heather’s party. I did not blame my friends. This is how it was. I’d seen it myself and bowed out on many occasions. If you weren’t present, you were fair game for the smack down. I believe the term they used for me was “goody-two-shoes”. Probably because I got good grades and was quiet and nice to everyone.
We were walking down a major street discussing what a bitch Heather was when one of my friends looked like she was about to dive into the bushes. She grabbed my arm and said, “I thought that was Heather that just drove by!” I knew that she would be embarrassed to be seen with me. And as it was, I felt her pain. I would not want her to have to feel this shame. Basically, I understood completely and felt bad for her.
This is one small example of who I am and why I prefer solitude and few friends. These things build us and don’t have to make us, but I would prefer to be seen on a level playing field and my own reflection won’t let me if I surround myself with those who would venture to make this not so.