Thomas was walking with a mission. He marched up the street looking for Adrian. He stopped only to peer in pub windows to see if Adrian was inside. He turned a corner and saw him, laughing and joking. He barrelled up to him with eyes blazing.
“Hail, fellow,” cried Adrian. “We were just talkin’ about ya.”
“Don’t you ‘hail, fellow’ me, you sod.”
Adrian looked behind him. “Me? Wha’d you say? Listen, let’s go down to Mick’s. I’ll buy you a shot.”
“Shot? Well, all right then,” Thomas seemed to calm down a bit. They headed to Mick’s, which was a few doors away. They walked in and plopped down in the usual seats.
“Hey, Mick, a round of whiskey for me and my boy here,” said Adrian. He turned to Thomas and smacked him on the back. “So what’s your trouble?”
“I saw you,” Thomas replied. “Now, I’m gonna kill ya.”
Adrian looked amused. “Why kill me, old man? I’m one of your oldest friends.” The shots were slapped in front of them. They gulped them down. “How ‘bout two more, please,” Adrian motioned to Mick.
“I saw you.”
“Yes, we’ve covered that. Now what the hell you talkin’ about?”
“You were in my house! I saw ya leavin’. What the hell were you doin’ at my house?” Thomas was indignant. “You had your chance. Just leave it be.”
“Had my chance with what?” Adrian was looking at his friend with concern as the second round of shots were slapped in front of them. They gulped them down.
“You had your chance with Liza. You keep away from her. She’s my wife and has been for 18 years. We’ve had four kids together and she ain’t interested in you.”
“Well, thank goodness for that,” replied Adrian sarcastically.
“Wha’d you say? You lousy… Mick, you give me another shot and he ain’t payin’. Bring this lousy bastard a shot, too.” He turned back to Adrian. “You owe me an explanation. Why were you leavin’ my house?”
“Honestly, old man, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. If you’re concerned about Liza…not if she were the last woman on earth” Adrian replied.
“Wha’d you say? That’s it!” Thomas yelled. “I’ve had it.” He flew at Adrian and decked him. He grabbed him around the neck and flung him off his stool. They both fell to the floor punching and kicking. The people in the pub all gathered around with a glow to see. They were going at it quite hard.
When they got too close to the furniture, Mick let out a loud holler. “Hey, you guys!” Everyone in the pub stood motionless. “You take it outside or that’s it for both of ya. Got it?”
Thomas and Adrian collapsed on the floor panting. Adrian stood up and managed to cough out, “Yeah. We got it, Mick.” He helped Thomas to his feet and they crawled back to their usual stools. Both of them were trying to catch their breath. “Mick, give us a couple pints. This time on me.”
They sat there and did not look up. They drank the pints slowly. “I enjoyed seein’ your boy in the Christmas pageant last month,” Thomas eventually said. “He’s quite a talent, that one.”
“Your Christie did a fine job with the triangle. Masterful timing, I might add. Guess she got that from her mum.”
“Wha’d you say? It’s a lot better that singin’ as if your jewels were tied in a knot.” Thomas’ tone escalated.
“Wha’d you say?” Adrian’s patience was now tested. “Outside then?” He said firmly.
“Yeah! Outside!”
They stomped to the door as the pub goers watched in excitement and hope for the evening. Once in the street they stared each other down attempting not to fall over. Thomas bent down with fists clinched and ran towards Adrian with all the speed he could muster. Adrian braced himself for the blow and dove quickly out of the way as Thomas landed in the trash cans that were set out on the curb. Thomas pushed himself up out of the litter that was strewn across the street and came charging at Adrian again. This time he pinned Adrian to the wall and pressed his face against the window. The crowd in the pub watched with noses up to the glass, drinks spilling and cheers escaping. Adrian stepped on Thomas’ foot and gave him a swift punch to the gut which double him over. He then tackled Thomas to the ground and they both fell in a drunken blur grabbing and punching at one another. This went on for a while before they both tired. They lay on the sidewalk sweaty and out of breath.
Minutes went by, and the pub goers took the opportunity to refill and return the window. “I need a shot,” Thomas cried.
“Me, too,” said Adrian. They continued to lay there. “I was at your house because Liza is planning a surprise birthday for you. She wanted me and Sarah to help so I stopped by the get the list of guests from her. You stupid ass. Now I’ve gone a told ya. You better not say a damn word to her.”
“Oh,” said Thomas after a long pause. “That makes sense then. Buy you a shot?” They rolled to their feet and stumbled back into the pub with arms around each other. “Mick, get my old friend here a shot of whiskey. One for me, too.” The shots were slapped in front of them. They gulped them down.
“You know how much I love my Liza don’t you?” Thomas said very quietly.
“Yeh. And you can bloody well have ‘er.”
“WHA’D YOU SAY?”
Mick's Pub
This is for Hail, Fellow
To men, honor, whiskey and old friends like my friend Adrian. : )
Damian, 3 months ago
LOL, that’s great! Loved the on-again-off-again violence, and the conversation that keeps sparking it :)
Zolton in reply to Damian’s comment, 2 months ago
Thank you. I’m well aware that comedy does not win Oscars, but I had fun writing it.
George Yesthal, 2 months ago
HA! A rousing good romp. laddie. Sure’n’ it’s the devil’s own t’ have such fun. Wailed like a banshee, I did now.
Zolton in reply to George Yesthal’s comment, 2 months ago
Thank you! So glad you liked it. : )