one time i started giggling and i couldn’t stop
but that wasn’t the problem
the giggling was a bit disruptive
and out of place
but that wasn’t really the problem either
the harder i tried to suppress it . .
the worse it got.
i tried to squash it down in my chest
but damn it was slippery
like an oiled fish it leaped up and flapped.
it stuck it’s head straight up and flippedflapped
somebody . . a couple somebodies right in the face.
then the dirty looks started.
and they were badddass wheew.
normally woulda stopped me dead in my tracks.
but see . .
this was the problem
i was at a funeral
i was suppose to be quiet
or cry quietly
I dont remember how it started.
i TRIED to make it SOUND like I was crying but . .
it dint work.
i was almost ready to crawl out on my hands and kneeswhen
my uptight Mr. I foldedmynapkin and dotted all my T’s – brother!!
sounded like he snorted a piece of fuzzz . . .
and then i realized it had gone . . .
and he WAS having conniptions too!!
oh thank GOODNESSS I’m not alone!!
so I gave him the fake dirty look
but accidently crossed one eye when I hissed
KNOCK it OFF!! your gonna get us kicked out of this funeral!!
but my sister sounded like she was trying to swallow a smashed bug
that dint wanna be swallowed.
and it was KILLING her.
so then I barely sputtered “what’s wrong with you horrible horrible people??”
in between gasps for air
but by then our whole bench was gripped in convulsions
and my makeup just was smeered around my eyes
like some crazy loonitick raccoon . . .
yeah . .
oh mannn. wheew.
the pastor said later, sometimes grief does that to people.
it was horrible
just h o r r i b l e
in a hysterically funny way.
wheewwee. my stomache hurtz.
i’m calling thisaoneanumber twenty fore.