Okay people listen up!! we don’t have a lot of time to honk around,
Valentines’ Day is a couple weeks away and we gotta whip this production into shape.
There’s big chocolate finger prints all over my sign up sheet and notes, so you are gonna have to help me out here. Please add to this as I am sure I have forgotten names and parts, so chime in as you can!!
Ken, are you still okay with being Cupid? Cuz that’s great, but you can’t wear those speedos Buddy, you gotta put on the swaddling cloth and wings. The harness needs to look invisible while your pals swing you across the stage. No Cupid doesn’t have a squirt gun. Well, yes I see your point, but let’s stick to the original script.
HEY!! Who let the New Year’s Baby in here? Escort him back to his crib, this is an R +.5 production and I think he’s eyes are wide enough. Take that cigar away from him!!!
Where’s Tim?? Tell him to stop waltzing around in that pink tutu, he needs to get ready to do his big romantic poetry reading.
He said the bear suit is too hot and smells like B.O.
Hey you want IN or OUT? Spray some air fresher in it and don’t zip it up completely. Get out of that stuffy wool suit for crying out loud! You can be in your underwear in the bear suit. Oh he’s shy. . . . Yes we PROMISE we’ll all shut our eyes. Right?
And Donna? Donna has volunteered to assist with people’s costumes but for the record, she will only shut one eye. Oh and what’s the status on the Chocolate Fountain? Just make sure that thing r e a l l y squirts the chocolate Donna, like a geyser otherwise it won’t have the same effect if it just lamely trickles out. Yeah sure if it helps chant CHOCOLATE GEYSER! Are you wearing chocolate lipstick?
Cyth! Cia!! Your outfit is vwery vwery lovely! Come back come backkkk my wittle flwower. Now remember when you twirling twirling twirling, let the air suspend the layers of chiffon . . floating floating FLOATING on a breeze like a delicate fweather in the wind as you gracefully disperse the Valentines’ candy. And STOP eating the candy necklaces!! Ach! I can hear you crunching from here!! You must have the little granite teeth of a rodent. Your tongue is bright red!
Okay, I can’t make out the names here, we need three people to be shot out of the Cannon of Love for the big finish. Canonman, our Dennis you’re the middle guy! Yes you have to wear the unitard with the glitter hearts on it . . It’s part of the deal. I do believe there IS a reinforced support panel over the package area. No let’s skip the arrow. And goggles are optional. Somebody wrote Sorina’s name down for Cannon of Love Girl number one , but she said she’a afraid of heights and doesn’t want to ralph on the audience for Valentine’s Day. She has volunteered to paint scenery and bake cupcakes. Lots and lots of pink cupcakes with marshmellow frosting. Oh cupcakes that look like breasts? Excellent.
Karen G., you are also a Cannon of Love Girl! Now remember you need to time your harmonica flutter tongue with the slide whistles just as you land in the net. Wait, what are spanky pants? Yeah sure, wear them if you feel more daring in them. very good!
Where’s KarenSue?? Did you sign up to man the Love Bazooka or did someone fake sign your name? Well ~ yes the outfit is quite skimpy but I think you can pull it off nicely. Oh not it’s skimpy enough? Modify. The headpiece is QUITE a balancing act and you will need to practice your aim in full dress. Are you committed? Oh you are such a good sport! Get some guys to volunteer to wear the t-shirt with the bullseye, you’re gonna be the Annie Oakley hotshot of this number. OKAY!!
Now the four He Men . . . It looks like Mark, Will, Phil and Paul. Are you handsome gentlemen still in? Have you been working on the choregraphed dance number? Let’s see your jazz hands. Step ball, change, grapevine . . . very nice Boys. Well, go help paint each other gold . . yes every part of your body!! YES this is a dress rehearsal!!
No Mark you can’t be naked. I understand your were born to be naked but the fruit HAS to stay in the basket. I AM talking code. Oh now you ALL want to do the dance number naked? Sheesh. Look ~ go paint yourself and have Donna help with the sugar stencils. Yes gold first and then dusted in powdered sugar. Gonna be one SWEET number.
Annie, John, Louie and Charlie said they were going to checking on the hot air ballon, but someone said they smelled like weed. Well, they better be able to balance on those unicycles while doing their juggling heart number inside the live elephant forest. Those elephants can get pretty spooked. Will somebody please check on them? I hear hysterical giggling by the back exit door. I smell toast.
I still don’t know who alls in the jug band, but I think Anthony is working on emptying the jugs, we still need two freestyle squirters . . . and a girl that can do cartwheels continously for like 5 minutes with a delirious smile frozen on her face. I was thinking about RiveySue . . . any one see her? Her red hair will look like a kicking firestorm and that girl is full of SPUNK. Snickidy snackidy!
Someone check and see if our lovely Mermaid Girl got her flippers resequined and her sea shell brassiere fixed, we can’t have another nipplegate incident, oh, the sponsors were all cranked up from before but she got tons of flowers and baskets of squid sent to her dressing room!
Oh Sandra my love, there you are, have you practiced the hoop jump? Well it will be on fire when you jump through it but then you do that Russian Break dance number and so you keep building up your quads. Your the Tina Turner of this show! and long neck, swan neck, keep that crown stable. You’re a Queen!! Beautiful Darling. Yes the monkey is part of the act. No Monkey, no big number. Well, you’re gonna have to work that out with the monkey, I don’t know what union he’s in!!
OH Lawrence, thank GOODNess you’re back!! Have you got my grilled cheese with mayo? Fabulous!! Are you ready to do the sax solo? I mean you gotta wail it Buddy,
when you hit that note and fricking COOK that’s the signal for the cinnamon candy rain to be released onto the audience! Yeah ~ it’s gonna be great!
Ah Birgetta, you look Mavalous Darling!! You are the Highly Exalted Head of the Dancing Walnuts so your fishnets are black with sparkles and you have the grand puba hat. Practice your tap dancing with your team of nuts and keep the fiberts in line. Capital! Timing is key in the can can sequence!! Oh and Nathan is gonna join you as Mr. Peanut so be a doll and help him with his heart-shaped monocle.
Remember people This is for charity!! Just give give give!! Is everyone excited??
Okay. . . I’m gonna go take nap while everyone finishes getting dressed.
Hey who’s in that giant rabbit suit? Is that Eon? Oh man, he’s really busting a move there! Go Eon!
Places everyone, lights . . . que the music . . .
let’s make this the best Valentine’s Day production ever!! Still plenty spaces open on the sign up sheet!!