within . . .

within . . . .
the brokenness a crazy life
the gaps of unmet needs
the shames of my hidden mind

i dance among the pieces
because i NEED to dance
i laugh because I’m a camel for joy
i tip toe between the cracks
because they are still tender
i avoid the craters
because i cannot seem to finish peering into my desolation
to gather the remaining flecks of gold.
still assessing what I need against what it will cost me
because it always does
all the while breathing hot sand..

i believe in redemption
i believe in justice
i believe in goodness
i believe in the sustanance of an overcoming spirit
i count on a power that is way stronger, wiser
steadier and more creative and amazing than i
infinite resources

my mind is the shortcut
the trapdoor
the secret path
the rabbit in the hat
the ancient program
the aces up my sleeve.

So yes to . . .
divine compensation
grace that covers
mercy I don’t deserve
but cry out for anyway
and gratefully accept
in the core of my goodness
near the remaining shards of darkness
still sometimes . . . .
a blackness seeps out of me
alongside fragrant elderberry juices
of varying ripeness
body flowers out leeching bleeding toxin
to pant recovery
suck air and wait
as healing fills the voids
in foundational layers
i never did like this place
of desolation
but these threshing fields
have hammered out
the refinements of my soul.

still . . . .
a pain
that defies sound
a loneliness I was born with
a sorrow that is inconsolable
silent eyes watching
from behind the separation
I have been so alone on this earth
nearly all my life
it must be God’s compensation
that i truly enjoy my own company
as i carry among my birthrights
a loneliness
that is both a singular priviledge
and common curse
i choose the embrace of acceptance
over the the hell of rejection
to trailblaze find and follow
my own wild unfurling paths.

within . . .

evon ski

Joined June 2009

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