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Humor

#15. all for science folks . . . . . I’ve wondered about perhaps building a very large spanking machine. / a man – size one / that works on m e n . . . / 1 at a time of… #13. a kitty cat swim Some Jims swim in the ocean / Some blokes stroke in the sea / Some cats float in a pool / On a raft / Un der / de Ko Ko nut tree. / I lik… #12. shall I . . amuse you? In my bolder moments . . . / sometimes . . . / I would / fantasize / oh! to be an artist’s model / his muse / of beauty and insp… #9. you are being kidnapped . . . . Hey pssst!! . . . / Come ere!! QUICK! / Like a bunny!! / Before anyone sees you. / Step over / Duck under / Forget about the clamor and the… #5. KittyKat Sometimes / I play a game / with my Kittykat / I call him Fluffy. / We are very careful / to keep a straight face / while our tails swi… #17. IUEP IUEP . . . / International Underwear Exchange Program / ~ it’s an organization / I made up / to promote world peace / in unexpected plac… #21. wringing out a few extra minutes . . . . halp I lost a day once and I mixed up some time / i dropped a quart of hours, is it really a blooming crime? / why oh why so linear are we … #3. it was a poem about sex. . . . i wroted a poem / in my head / while on my way to school. / it happens a lot / things come to me then / but I can’t drive and use me… #2. invaded . . . Madame . . / are you spraying for weevils? / incoming perfume fog / minding my own business / regular or extra strength? / let me just rea… Dear Mr. Scientist . . . sort of scientific wonderings and longings. . . . / and goofy thoughts and musings. kitchen dance um . . . fiction all fiction. think manly thoughts . . . . argh. argh. / manly thoughts. easy to live with . . . . ? we’re all gonna die someday / might as well enjoy some time to play aw shitski . . . . . . missed it. tmi . . . too much information? i regret nothing. / rumors of bloomers. Those Cookies smell . . . . . good. OH! You made cookies. YAY! / They smell so good. Can I eat one? / NO. / Just one. / No. / But I want one, just one. / No you can’t. They’r… Game on. Driving along on a winding country road one sunny summer afternoon, I chanced across two boys standing on eiither side of the road. Pre-tee… a wise retort And which one of us is your favorite she coyly asked? / He winked “Whichever one . . . . / is on my lap.” hmm . . . lost in s p a c e again and again / i go from / early / plenty of time / yawn / chomp / hmmm . . / stretchhhhh / ahhhh now let’s seee / what time is bl… I found a bear . . . . I found a bear . . / Wait. No. start over. / I have to stand up on this tree stump. / okay now. / I found a bear! / hey, make your voice l… don’t ask . . . I wear no tattoos / but prefer to draw images on myself / no metal piercings through this skin / but bejeweled none the less / All parts or… chicken interruptus . . . My dog’s howling mournfully in the kitchen / He wants his chicken sandwich. / . . . . . . / Neighbors mail ordered five baby chicks / They … Well, I baked a ham. a ham I am. Make one coyote happy / Make just one coyote happy / And you’ll be happy too. / Make one special coyote happy / Make just one extra special… play answer me . . . i asked ~ / so who do you think / loves who MORE? / do you think you love me more than I love you? / or do you think you love me . . . mo… . . . cover me bark pants on a tree / bark pants over me / bark my skin to cover me / make my skin like bark on tree. / my wish. / alive. / wick. / green … niggle niggle. / what a funny word. / niggle naggle / wiggle waggle / a pea sized stone in your shoe . . . / oh tender arch / what will you do? . … Confusing Advice you didn’t ask for . . . . So I was eating pretzels in my Davy Crockett hat / The little travel size one. . . no seriously I was / They were fresh baked out of the o… My name is . . . . . I had a lovely and enjoyable meal in the school dining room. It was the culinary students final exam to create a theme based 3-course meal … The Horrible Soup story. Once upon a time, I made some horrible soup. I didn’t set out to do that but that’s how it turned out. My step Mom bought me a … Valentine Community Theater tweeettt!! / clap clap!! / Okay people listen up!! we don’t have a lot of time to honk around, / Valentines’ Day is a couple we… random . . . pick I saw your muse. / She was riding the bus. / She’s like 400 lbs. / with a little scratchy mustache / right? / She told me to remind you / t… The math of life doesn’t always seem to add up. Chant this like yur in the Marines!! / Pretty Please. / I’ve been told / It’s probably true / heard it on the tv too / someone told me on t… btw . . . . How many people here have ever eaten a bug? / can I have a show of hands? / uh huh uh huh oh stop making that face already! / what’s … hmmm . . . . I have been waiting to meet my girlfriend’s ex and it turns out he’s a terrific guy. / We hit it off right away. Apparently he is known for… 1923 . . . minus . . . . my Dad’s a little annoyed with me. / Hey so tell me how it feels to be 90!! / I’m only 89. don’t give me the bum’… i tripped on step 2 Hi my name is Y . . . . and I’m an alcoholic. / Wait can I start over? / Hi my name is yvo, and I’m recovering food addict. / What? What m… lucky . . . to . . . i said to my girlfriend . . . / sometimes i change my clothes three times IN a day . . . / other times I can wear the same thing FOR thre… #14. an ode to drawing . . . When I first had life drawing classes / I was a very shy girl -18 and had not seen a grown man fully naked. / I was nervous as a cat on ice… #25. just asking . . . . you know how when you’re driving somewhere / and you’re thinking about a bunch / of different things really deep / and you are… 1. B. this one is a true story and i thought abou… one time i started giggling and i couldn’t stop / but that wasn’t the problem / the giggling was a bit disruptive / and out of … oh grill me a slab . . . . I could ALMOST be a vegetarian / Ovo Lacto only cuz . . . . / could not live without the fresh egg and cheese / Cheese in some capacity ple… insert scream here . . . . . . . . gasp / . . . . gasp / oh my God / oh mann / hold on / hold onnn / i gotta regrip / my hair is . . . soaked / hooo / i’m suck… Snippets and such . . . things said in the car w… Must be nice to be retired. Sheesh. Come on move it. / Oh mann!! Why would someone go 40 when they could go 50 or even 55? I don’t understa… easy now . . . easy now big fella / see I stop / I am guiet / let you see me / I am still very still / I crouch down / no fear / watch wait sniff / open… the fluidity of comorbidity I went to a meeting running late / which I hate . . . . / I don’t know / temporarily lost my tentaive grip on time / anyway / got stuck in… the last thing I saw before I fell into a deep sleep . . . . . by evon ski