Miss Lala Procknoy’s Wondrous Booger Shoes.

(NOTE TO KIDS: The CAPITALIZED words in this story are to be looked up in a DICTIONARY. Your Mom or Dad or teacher can help you.)

Light years away from our own planet of Earth, was a small planet that the people who lived there, called Fwoible. Fwoible was once like Earth but the people of that planet started behaving very badly. Everybody wanted what everybody else had and they started wars to get it. Everybody that is, except for the good people of the tiny but wealthy country of Ploppadiddle.

The Ploppadidlians were APPALLED and disgusted with the behavior of the other greedy people of Fwoible and since they didn’t care much for war or the PETTY squabblings of petty people, they built a wall around their peaceful little country and smeared it all over with poop. Naturally, the greedy people left Ploppadiddle alone because nobody wanted to touch the poopy wall and frankly, it didn’t smell very good.

After many years, the Ploppadiddlians decided to check outside the wall and were shocked to find that all the greedy people had fought and fought and fought until there were no more greedy people left. Well, there was one fellow who used to be a policeman when Fwoible was PROSPEROUS, but as soon as he saw the Ploppadiddlians, he began blaming them for all the wars so the Ploppadiddlians said that he should go away if he was going to be so mean, so he did.

The Ploppadiddlians washed the poopy wall and tore it down because they didn’t need it anymore and they went on with their lives. They didn’t miss the greedy people much and had everything they needed so they went on CONDUCTING business as usual.

One day when their shoes started to wear out, they realized that one of the things they didn’t have in Ploppadiddle, was a good reliable COBBLER. Also, they didn’t make leather in Ploppadiddle because the people there were much to kind to kill their animal friends for leather.

Pretty soon though, their shoes wore out altogether and so the country’s LEGISLATURE got together and had a big meeting. Nobody knew how to make shoes so they got the best minds together to PONDER the problem. One of these great minds was a school teacher named Miss Lala Procknoy. Miss Lala was super-duper smart. That’s why she was a teacher. She said she would take the problem under ADVISEMENT and went off to think about it. She thought and thought and thought some more. It was a problem for sure because she had to come up with something that could be used like leather (because they wouldn’t hurt their animal friends) and whatever she decided on had to be dirt cheap because Ploppadiddle was on a very tight BUDGET. They were a wealthy country because they knew how to handle money.

On the walk home Miss Lala came upon and old woman who was kicking a bucket down the street. She kicked and kicked until the bucket flew up and hit Miss Lala right on the noggin. “Ow”, said Miss Lala, “Old lady, you really must be more careful about kicking the bucket.” But the lady wasn’t listening because right at that moment she decided to just lie down and die. Well, she was old, after all.

Now Miss Lala was stuck with a dead lady’s bucket. That’s when an Idea flew into her head just the way a frog doesn’t. “Maybe a bucket would make a good shoe.” She bent over and put the bucket on her foot and clumped around the street gripping the handle to keep it on her foot. That’s why she didn’t see the bus that hit her.

The bus driver jammed on the brakes and jumped out of the bus just in time to see Miss Lala rising from the dusty road and brushing dust off of her hiney. “Are you alright?” asked the bus driver.

“Oh, yes, I think so”, said Miss Lala. “Guess I wasn’t paying attention. I was wondering if this bucket would make a good shoe”

“It would make a better hat”, said the man as he got back into his bus. He waved goodbye and drove away.

That night after dinner Miss Lala washed the dishes and sat in her favorite comfy chair with Snuffles, her pussy cat curled up in a ball on her lap. She thought about her family and remembered that her little brother, Stanley , who was all grown up now, had a booger collection when he was a little boy. He saved them for years and years in secret but one day when her favorite ball got away from her and rolled into the closet in her brother’s room she went in to look for it. That’s when she found it. The booger collection was sandwiched in between two large pieces of wax paper and she remembered how much like leather it seemed. That’s when she got the most disgusting great idea in the history of Ploppadiddle.

The very next day she went to her job at the Freddy Fartsworth Memorial elementary school and asked the principal, Mr. Doubledip, to call all the children and teachers to an assembly because it was a matter of NATIONAL importance. At he assembly Miss Lala told all the children to start saving their boogers that very day so that they would be the first of all the children in the land to help save the feet of the good people of Ploppadiddle.

It wasn’t long before the word spread and even grownups were DONATING all their boogers. It was the children in Miss Lala’s school that learned how to make shoe patterns and sew them together. They did this with the help of Old Mrs. Sniffler, the Home ECCONOMICS teacher. She was not very happy about working with the piles and piles of booger collections sandwiched in wax paper that were coming in every day from all over the country until Mr. Puppypetter at the local dog food factory said he had a method for freeze-drying them.

This went on for months and months and then one day there were enough booger shoes for all the people in the land. Being freeze dried, they were pretty darned DURABLE too. They got just a tad bit slimy and slick in wet weather but this didn’t bother the Ploppaddidlians much because they were a happy people. They just DECLARED rainy days Snot Sliding days and they all took to the streets and slid up the avenues and down the BOULIVARDS.

And that’s how Miss Lala Procknoy saved the feet of Ploppadiddle with her IMAGINATIVE booger shoes.

The moral of this story is: Boogers make way better shoes than toothbrushes.

THE END

Miss Lala Procknoy’s Wondrous Booger Shoes.

George Yesthal

Brodheadsville, United States

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Artist's Description

This is another in my series of stories that are intended as blue humor for children. In this story the words in capitals are larger words than young children might be used to and are to be looked up in the dictionary or online with adult assistance if necessary.

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