Today I went online to see
If there’s a good used gal for me
I saw a bunch of dating sites.
But which one’s wrong and which one’s right?
I started wondering just what
I’m looking for in a good used twat.
What attributes are requisite,
And do I really give a shit?
I do know this: and that’s for sure,
She must be like the girl next door.
Part playmate, part friend but largest part whore.
Seems like that’s all, but wait, there’s more.
What features would I build into
The perfect broad, and what and who
Would she be like when I was done?
’ Don’t know, but I’ll tell ya this much, son…
She’d have to be one of a kind.
Trustworthy and that’s hard to find
’Cause women tend to only care,
’Bout money, sex and of course, their hair.
She’d have to have exquisite tits,
And be one of those that swallows not spits.
A tight box of course and what the heck
Give her a voice (but keep it in check).
She’d be a genius in the kitchen,
In bed she’d be a raging vixen.
Serve me coffee in my favorite cup.
And just know when to shut-da-fuck up.
She’d darn my socks and damn my foes
She’d mop the floor and wash my clothes.
She’d hang onto my every word,
And when I’m done, be seen, not heard.
She’d have no wishes of her own,
Except my comfort when I get home.
She’d wash my truck, take out the trash,
Lay down in bed and spread that gash.
Now I don’t think I ask too much,
But no-one’s gotten back in touch.
Doesn’t anybody see,
The value in a catch like me?