Eligible Bachelor

Today I went online to see
If there’s a good used gal for me
I saw a bunch of dating sites.
But which one’s wrong and which one’s right?

I started wondering just what
I’m looking for in a good used twat.
What attributes are requisite,
And do I really give a shit?

I do know this: and that’s for sure,
She must be like the girl next door.
Part playmate, part friend but largest part whore.
Seems like that’s all, but wait, there’s more.

What features would I build into
The perfect broad, and what and who
Would she be like when I was done?
’ Don’t know, but I’ll tell ya this much, son…

She’d have to be one of a kind.
Trustworthy and that’s hard to find
’Cause women tend to only care,
’Bout money, sex and of course, their hair.

She’d have to have exquisite tits,
And be one of those that swallows not spits.
A tight box of course and what the heck
Give her a voice (but keep it in check).

She’d be a genius in the kitchen,
In bed she’d be a raging vixen.
Serve me coffee in my favorite cup.
And just know when to shut-da-fuck up.

She’d darn my socks and damn my foes
She’d mop the floor and wash my clothes.
She’d hang onto my every word,
And when I’m done, be seen, not heard.

She’d have no wishes of her own,
Except my comfort when I get home.
She’d wash my truck, take out the trash,
Lay down in bed and spread that gash.

Now I don’t think I ask too much,
But no-one’s gotten back in touch.
Doesn’t anybody see,
The value in a catch like me?

Currently unavailable for purchase


  • deliriousgirl
    deliriousgirlover 5 years ago


    You freekin crackkkkkk meeeee uppppp!!!!

  • The comment was supposed to be a reply. I do this all the time ’cause I usually write while imbibing.

    – George Yesthal

  • George Yesthal
    George Yesthalover 5 years ago

    LO FUCKING L!!! You Got back in touch! What could this possibly mean, Babe?
    Seriously though…thanx for getting it AND enjoying it.

  • Valerie Simms
    Valerie Simmsover 5 years ago

    Hmmmm ???? yep got to say this made me smirk but I wouldn’t bank on too many takers pmsl

  • What? No takers for such a fine gentleman? Well, I never. HRUMPH!!!

    – George Yesthal

  • Bob Fox
    Bob Foxover 5 years ago

    Say, maybe try pasting this in— could be the makings of another great story!

  • Hmmm, maybe just. Thanx, Bob.

    – George Yesthal

  • Tim McDonald
    Tim McDonaldover 5 years ago

    Classic shit. I haven’t seen anyone use the word ‘gash’ in far too long. Great pace, honest voice and it says things alot of men are thinking (except me… I would never say things like that!)

  • I’ve read your stuff and I must say you write from the hip. I also just sit down in front of the glowing monitor and tickle the muses pussy to see what issues forth. I have become a fan of your style so your comment here is highly valued. Thank you.

    – George Yesthal

  • nnimus3
    nnimus3over 5 years ago

    some of us… well some of us…. fuck, how do I respond to that?

    She sounds like a feminist to me.

  • Really? I was trying to make the guy sound like a chauvinist.

    – George Yesthal

  • nnimus3
    nnimus3over 5 years ago

    maybe that makes you compatible

  • Damian
    Damianabout 5 years ago

    LOL, that’s pretty damn funny George :)

  • liljo
    liljoabout 5 years ago

    What a bloody ripper!!… wonderfully non-PC …bless your cotton socks for putting it in poetry!

  • It was a fun write. Gad you liked it. Thanx.

    – George Yesthal

  • Jim Hall
    Jim Hallabout 5 years ago

    Glad to see that you swing a pair, George! And yours are bigger than mine, but at least I have them!.JH
    PS Say hello to Jack.

  • LOL. Yeah, but unfortunately the biigger they are the more they hurt.
    Thanx, Jim.

    – George Yesthal

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