I hate you, you fat bastard
And you, you wrinkled hag.
How dare you condescend to me,
you doddering old bag?
Yes, I’ll get your quarter pound
Of cole slaw, you old shrike.
And I’ll pick through all the salmon
Til I find one that you like.
I’ll do this with a smile and then,
While wishing you the best,
Wish for real that you go home
And shit yourself to death.
I’ll gladly go check in the back
If you don’t see it up front.
Will you offer a small thank you?
NO, you arrogant rich cunt.
So in my mind I’ll get revenge
For all indignities
A reckoning for never saying,
“Thank you, sir” or “Please”.
My mind’s eye conjures many things
To amplify your woes.
A maelstrom of fine torments
To afflict you…here we go…
I’d break you and I’d smite you
And your great finances too.
I’d burn your fucking house down
Then I’d REALLY turn the screw.
I’d spit in your rice pudding
I’d put tacks upon your chair
I’d load your mashed potatoes
With dead bugs and pubic hair.
I’d trip you going down the stairs
And watch you bounce and tumble
For all the times you bitched and moaned,
Insulted me and grumbled.
And as you lay there bleeding
I’d get out a can of mace
Say, “Sorry, can I help you”?
As I spray it in your face.
I’d key your car, I’d kill your dog
While poisoning your well
I’d spike your punch with shit and piss
And send you straight to hell
I’d spoil the mayo in your tuna
To give you salmonella
Hand it over, smiling and say
“There ya go, Big fella”.
I’d drain your veins, I’d break your bones
I’d pour salt in your eyes
I’d fill your mouth with molten lead
So no-one hears your cries.
Well, I feel so much better now
That all this has been said
“Have a nice day, sir and ma’am
Or…simply go drop dead.”
Before anyone gets the idea that I am a homicidal maniac, I wish to offer this disclaimer. I work at a well known food chain in central New Jersey. This area is populated by some of the wealthiest, most disgusting, sour, ill-tempered, degrading, self absorbed, trite, miserable, avaricious, loathsome human trolls I have ever had the distinct displeasure and misfortune to to have been thrown into a collective social cage with in my entire life.
I have to serve these horrific examples of human debris six days a week with a pleasant word and a winning smile.
This is my way of letting my resentment and disgust go to ground. Nothing more.