the heaviness of a head that is full of medication, the eyes that don’t want to open to yet another day of seeing the world thru bleary and uncomprending eyes. will people notice me not walking just quite right? am I talking nonsense…... is the person I am talking to really there? .... I am really here…..
motivation is gone…. yet i want to grab opportunities and really be someone, not just another ‘case’. my therapist tells me i am doing fine, just take each day at a time. people do not understand, they look, they pity, they judge, they write me off with a sigh. is this life? am i ever going to find someone that loves me, wants to be with this mess everyday. will i ever have children? to experience the love and laughter that is within me, just waiting for someone to come and untap the insurmountable love that I have.
I am not so different. we help the people with broken legs, in wheelchairs, with broken hearts…. but what about people with broken minds….. is it all an illusion…...
Estelle O'Brien, 5 months ago
Awwwww Yeddles, you brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful, poignant writing…and so true. Having a broken or even bruised mind is so hard… people can’t see the injury or the damage. Connection is so difficult. But there is still love all around! I am soooo happ to see you writing on the bubble again. xx
Yeddles, 5 months ago
thanks Stelle. yes i was just thinking about how people see those with mental illness. as psychologist or counsellors we see it as a physical problem where the brain is not absorbing the chemicals as it should as it is a medical condition. A lot of people just see it as an emotional ‘get over it’ syndrome. it is quite sad really. i have a couple of friends who have mental illness, and of course there are those I counsel. One family has it running through 3 generations with chemical depletions, and over production of hormones/chemicals. It is a hard thing for the average person to understand, so i thought i would just put up how it feels for those that are trying to live ‘normally’ with an abnormal brain. of course the medications these days, while they can have side effects, are quite brilliant (SSRI’s) and breakthru’s are being made.
of course there is just the ones like us that are just plain crazy :~))
I am not sure what the journals are used for on rb. so i figure i would put my thinkings and ponderings down here, and people could enter into discussions if they wish. hope that’s what this is for. and it’s good to be back. although i am enrolled in 3 subjects next semester so i don’t know how long it will last
picketty, 4 months ago
keep writing. I never wrote before I came here and although I havent done much it is a safe place to start. This is a very interesting piece.