Cold As Ice
Submission for TTST 42 (Twisted Tales Group)
Cold As Ice belongs to the following groups:
Twisted TalesFootprints beside the river told a tale of toil in the growing drifts
John followed. The blazed trail eased the effort required for him to make his own way along the snowy lane toward home.
It was still a long slog to the bridge. John had often returned from school on this path, but it had been warm then with birds singing and the trees rich with autumn foliage. Now there were only the bare bones of a forest and a rolling white carpet that made walking exhausting.
Home was just across the river. If John dared cross the ice, he could be there in minutes.
The footprints over which he laid his own were child sized. One print turned out further than the other, like his brother. Whomever he followed put more weight on the right foot than the left.
John wondered if perhaps the kid had a limp or was carrying something on one shoulder.
A biting gust ripped at John’s face and eyes. Blowing snow obscured his vision.
John turned his collar into the wind until the white-out abated.
On the trail ahead stood a lone deer. The buck bolted; in two bounds he was down the bank. He cleared the width of the stream in a single majestic leap.
It seemed so awfully far to the bridge. If only John could jump the water like the buck. John paused next to the path where the deer had been browsing.
Snow scratched aside showed last year’s grass; scat still steamed.
John thought he saw a book bag on the ice, but was unsure. He could only discern for certain that footprints veered down the bank and up on the other side of the river.
The wind howled. He moved closer and waited for wandering snow to settle again.
John’s gaze swept the ice where the impressions were drifting over. Beside a bag the river boiled in a breach. Only deer tracks rose from the river’s far side.
RobPM
I do hope there’s more. I enjoyed your use of metephors at the beginning and on the whole the phrasing kept my interest.
Good work Bob.
Bob Fox replied
I glad I could hold your interest! You have given me a lot of encouragement to write during the past few years and I’m very appreciative of that too!
Danielle Daven...
Great way to end this…sparks the reader to continue the story within their own imagination, evokes emotion…love the use of metaphors…I could see and feel the cold, snow, and Johns sense of unease and then the realization of what must of happened. Keep it up Bob…I look forward to more!
Bob Fox replied
Wow! A favorite! That’s an honor! Glad you like the end. I really fussed with it and almost gave up.
Zolton
Definitely a frigid tale. I think it is a good length for this story. It does tell everything without going into too much. But in my own head I was thinking of the silence snow creates and how the main character must have felt. Nicely done. : )
Bob Fox replied
Growing up, it seemed like every winter at least one kid went through the ice on the river and was swept away by the current— including the older brother of a friend. He said he saw it happen. Still makes me shiver!
cdwork
Wonderful writing
Bob Fox replied
Thanx! I really appreciate having you give it a read!!
Solar Zorra
Well written, your use of imagery was excellent, couldn’t help but shiver. :) SZ
Bob Fox replied
Been there— grew up in Michigan and never rode a bus. School was never closed for snow— only 2 times in all my school days!
George Yesthal
You held me rapt til the end once again, Bob. Were you Bob Kratchet following Tiny Tim to his watery fate? Another enjoyable read.
Bob Fox replied
Didn’t have time for the victim’s view, so I tried to show what tempted the kid onto the ice vicariously. Glad you liked it. Say, isn’t it your turn to write something? I’ll bet if you’d written this it would have been funny! Ç;-)
ArcadiaTempest
I felt the need to put a coat on…..you painted the cold snow scenery so well…...and the twist so suited the mood of the whole piece…..lovely writing.
Bob Fox replied
Thank you! I try to spend my winters in warmer climates now. Would you believe I used to enjoy that kind of weather?
Matt Penfold
Good one Bob you certainly painted a picture and left us with a really sad twist…. nice work.
Bob Fox
One windy winter’s day back on the old farm in Michigan (a shopping center now), I witnessed a buck make a magnificent leap over a waterway. I was moved by that experience and scribbled down the memory. 20 years later I rediscovered it and used it as part of the idea for this piece.
buzzy
What an entertaining tale.It ended beautifully.Your skill of character development is brilliant,