Note To Grizz… 6 ~ 2010
you blew into our lives,
strong and beautiful
and quietly trusting
we ran the roads, together
you were so dear to me
I never imagined a time
when you would not be
by my side
I tried not to think ahead
to the time that I
might lose you
to the time that I might have
to live without you
But, as time moves by quickly
So did your life
There are so many things I could say
But, it would not bring you back to us
It would not erase your death
It would not ease the pain of the loss I feel
When I think of you, my friend
So, I’ll just say that I have never gotten over
Losing you, dear Grizz
And I wanted to tell you again
That ‘I Love You’
Love, your human mom, Cathy
Well, what can I say! We are so hurt right now. We lost our boy, Grizz. I have been nursing him nonstop for over a week. We had decided that as soon as he stopped drinking and eating and eliminating properly we would have him sedated and then mercifully put to rest. I prayed for him to fall asleep at home so I would not have to make this painful decision, but in this life we do not always get what we want.
I put bedding beside him and slept near him. Last night, I prayed to The Lord that He would let me know that Grizz was truly safe and that I would see him again someday. I prayed for a dream that would assure me of this. I drifted off at about 3AM and kept reaching out to touch our boy. At 6:27 AM I awoke and was very upset that I did not have the dream that I so desperately wanted. I cried out to God and asked him to take Grizz peacefully, and to please assure me with a dream. I drifted back off beside Grizz and my dream came to me. It was given to me.
I dreamt I was at my aunt and uncles house in Arizona. I have not ever been to their house, nor have I seen them in many years. My uncle Bob was comforting me as I was crying. We arrived back at their home and I was walking and very upset and as I was walking I came upon a street and as I looked to my left there was a field of grass and some bushes where a multitude of Tiger Swallowtail Butterflies were swarming and dancing all over the bushes. I could not believe the beauty and the vivid colors. There were more that were flitting and fluttering in the fields. In my dream I was so in awe and went to get my camera, all the while hoping that they would still be there when I got back. That is when I awoke. I felt such peace, yet sorrow at what we were facing. Grizz was still dying, but I had assurance that he would be fine and healthy.
This evening, I called my mother, who had just been to visit my aunt and uncle in February. I told her of my dream and she said “WHAAAATTT???” She then went on to say that Arizona is a place where there is an over abundance of Tiger Swallowtail Butterflies and that my aunt had told her that she had a special sort of butterfly bush in her yard where she would see 20 to 30 Tiger Swallowtails at a time, on her butterfly bush. She also told me that she had picked up pamphlets about the Tiger Swallowtails and that it was a big deal in Arizona. She had told me about the cactus and landscape, but not the butterflies. We went back and forth about this and we both agree that we in fact, did not talk about the butterflies. I did not even realize that my mother brought back plant cuttings.
We are so sad and cry frequently, but I have comfort. Our Grizzy was trying to comfort us right up to the end. He loved to touch me with his paw and push his beautiful face under my hand. I miss him so much, but I will see him again.
There will never be another Grizz. We were told that he was a higher percentage wolf dog. He was a low content. He had the most unusual ways about him. One thing he liked to do was to keep his foot against my foot while sleeping. He always had to be touching us. He was fiercely possessive of me and a mighty hunter:) I used to think that Sam was the leader, but looking back, Grizz only submitted to Sam, and Sam would give Grizz the food right out of his mouth. Grizzy played with toys differently. He would not allow the toy to leave the floor surface as if he was guarding against the toy running away. His howl was throaty and beautiful and I could imagine being at Yellowstone, listening to the wild wolves. He loved it when we sang and he liked soft songs better than loud ones. We miss him so!
I recently wrote this to sam, our other boy that is still with us:
“SAM” my dearest friend:
“Please Take Me There”
I hold on with the fierceness and the fear of losing you
For, you are my heart
We’ve been together through the joy and
The tragedies of life
You have been my constant companion
Always trusting and
Loving me more than yourself
You are a gift in my life and
One that can never be replaced
One that shall never be erased
When we part
Please, meet me on the other side and
Guide my way
show me the way to the field
Where Grizzy frolics
Show me the way
Take me there
Beside the glistening streams of life
Where our earthly trials
Like a long forgotten dream
Where our strength shall be renewed
Where our joy shall never end
Please take me there
catherine m howell 2010
“SAM~Winter Of 2010”
I also recently wrote this for Grizz:
“When I See You Again”
It seems you’d live forever.
We were so comfortable together.
I miss your kind ways, your gentleness.
What is left of you is not good enough yet,
There is not anything I can do about it.
I had to let you go.
Every day, you are in my thoughts,
And, I wonder where you are.
There is hope deep inside the secret places of my heart
That I will see you again, someday.
We will run through the fields
And the red shank cedar.
We will howl with joy, together,
And it will be like you never left my side.
I will touch your glistening soft fur and look into your kind, gentle eyes.
We will sing beautiful songs
When I see you again.
There will be no more pain or suffering.
Only joy at the meeting of long lost friends…
When I finally see you again.
catherine howell 2010
This is Sam and Grizz playing in January, 2009. We lost Grizz March, 2009.
Below is a photo of Wiggles, one of Grizzy’s pups out of the only litter he was a father to. We had friends that spoke for all but Wiggles. Wiggles will be nine years old this spring.