I’ve found myself with a little spare time on this christmas eve as I wait to start my final photo shoot of 2011 and it led me to think about the year in general.

I kept a very personal diary for the majority of the year but I’m not going to share that here. It’s way too scathing of myself but I will share the journey from January to December which I’ve completed.

That is if you’re interested. If you are carry on. If not then leave now. It makes no difference to me if one person or one hundred people read it.

January saw me venture outside of my home for the first time in 6wks. It was a scary time walking down the streets of Kelso which had been my hometown for 3yrs then. I recall the anxiety and paranoia I felt. Sweaty palms, racing heart and feelings of eyes staring at this strange person wandering aimlessly.

In February I began to try and get my final year university studies back on track. It was a struggle but a focus I needed. New friends helped me locally get back into a routine of doing things outside of vodka bottles and the walls of my home.

Early March was a fun time! I enjoyed that part of the year a lot. My birthday happened and the weather helped my depression with longer days and some sunshine. I spent late March again hiding for a few weeks analysing my life and what to do in the future.

For April, in the warm weather I wrote my dissertation. Yeah I spent the whole month writing it. I thought it was good. My lecturer thought it was ok, haha! anyway I was proud of it as it certainly helped me mentally. My photography did take a backwards step though but I managed some photo shoots for local business and made new friends and contacts through the work.

May and June were hectic with Uni work as I prepped my final exhibition for my degree and plans were afoot for a ‘boys only’ road trip around the Scottish Highlands at the end of June and early July.

July saw me start work full time for Sainsbury’s. I’d got the job in May but it only started after Uni ended. Good timing! This saw me make more new friends, some of whom are awesome!

August and September were good months with lots of travelling to other work places doing training and undertsanding the role of the job. My life became more work focussed and my social life took a small step backwards for a time as I settled into the work/life balancing act.

October thru December has been tough where work is concerned. Long hours, too much overtime and sleeping the remainder of my time off as I tried to keep energised. Friends and family have been incredibly supportive and fun.

I moved home at the beginning of December into the town and really love it here. There’s less of a feeling of isolation I constantly experienced on the farm.

And so I’m here at Christmas Eve 2011. I don’t have much memory of one year ago today. And that’s ok. In fact its good! My life in this last year has transformed into one that I control. One that I’m extremely happy with on most fronts.

I’ll never forget the help of my great friends who nurtured me back to life. It’s a year I shall never forget and one that I have learnt an enormous amount about others but more importantly myself.

So thanks.

Thanks if you made it to the end here.

Thanks if you helped me in any way in 2011.

And thanks for being you!

Respect and love to you all, today, tomorrow and for 2012. Its going to be a fabulous year ahead!