It’s quite refreshing to find myself in a writing phase once again. Several months have gone by since I felt the urge to put fingers on the keyboard and share my thoughts.

I was in a mental state of confusion 6mths back when I was churning out emotions and ramblings daily. Some things are somewhat different now. The confusion remains!

Uni is well and truly over. I’ve been working full time since July, often too much and definitely too hard. On the other hand I’ve been enjoying my free time equally as hard.

I’ve continued to make plenty of new and good friends which is a good thing I think. Perhaps I should stop.

On a personal level I’ve been single now for 14mths and not been involved with anyone since early March. The time has appeared to fly past! It has been an interesting journey of self rediscovery. One where I think I have become content with who I am. Well I don’t beat myself up anymore about my faults and I can handle most peoples criticisms of me more easily.

Surprisingly music played a large part in my rehabilitation, that is alongside some (lots) alcohol and a few (some) prohibited substances but those are stories for another day.

I love music, any kind, by anybody. It touches my inner soul and connects me with my feelings and memories. I say memories but I think I mean sensations; it’s the feeling of the high or low as opposed to the memory of an actual event.

I don’t enjoy talking much in front of people, I prefer to tell my story through words and pictures.

I’ve not picked up my camera for self expression for far too long. I think I’ve forgotten how to do that. I blame Uni for this current loss. The critical analysis of everything produced there is kind of niggling away in my head but it’s something I will work through in time. I hope.

So all I am left with is words. However the use of words doesn’t solve the confusions in my head, it only helps share them.

My head is an OCD persons nightmare. I’m kind of mildly OCD, but only on certain things and this is now bugging me.

I feel like a freak or a geek!

I guess I am a little geeky for being OCD on some things and it scares me to think I’m freaky, because I can’t solve the issues in my head. Well not solve but tidy them up, re-arrange them so they’re in order and easy to see and respond to.

I don’t like confusion. It confuses me, haha. What a brilliant word! Whoever created that word should be worshipped!

So anyway I doubt I’ll ever solve the mystery of my confusion. Perhaps accepting this has helped me survive this year for this long.

I guess thats it. Confusion still remains. End Credits!