Winter months are often hard times for people who suffer from SAD, depression or loneliness. It’s the time of year dreaded the most. I know from 1st hand experience how tough it can be.

As 2011 draws to a close I can say it was tough in the early part of the year. I detested my life and kept myself locked away within the dark chasms of my mind. But the latter part of this year has been enlightening and seen me back to who I used to be, or as close as possible.

I’ve recently settled into my new home in time for 2012. I’ve got some wonderful friends and work colleagues, as well as a great family, who live somewhere between 200 and 1000 miles away. I’m actually happy with things at the present time.

But that’s not to say the dark chasms don’t surge up and take over every once in a while. I wrote way back in March that I expected the darkness to keep appearing and it does. I try to manage it as best as I know how. Some people may not like how I do it but that’s tough because I don’t live my life for them. Others accept me for who and how I am. These are my real friends. I love them to pieces.

I am and will always be an introvert. It’s just me, I don’t think I can or want to change that but I find with this tag comes the danger of dipping my feet into the murky dark waters of those chasms. It’s hard not to touch it to see how cold things are there. Being able to manage how far I dip my toes in is tricky and the undercurrents are hidden and strong. Sometimes too strong and I find myself sucked back down, as I initially fight then succumb for a while, into the darkness.

Often the merest touch of the dark side is enough to release the grip it has but there are times when my introspective mind is once again curious but by then it’s too late to struggle free. It may only be for a day or even a few hours but it can also be for several weeks. The time of year is an influencing factor.

Mulitple activites with friends, you would think would help but actually for my introspective nature I need time to myself to re-energise and become at one with me again. So overloading on extrovert activites for an introvert often has the opposite effect and opens my trapdoor to those chasms, sometimes secretly. These are the perils my mind lives with each day.

Being an introvert isn’t being a depressive, quite the opposite. I find solace in alone time. I find comfort being on my own. That’s not to say I don’t like people.

I used to think I didn’t like people because people didn’t like me.

But I used to be brainwashed.

When I’ve analysed my life I’ve realised I’ve always liked people, but being an introvert I got confused and misread what I was seeing, hearing or thinking.

So I fight off the depression within me each day, but in winter it is harder to win these daily skirmishes, which then become battles and wars.

I know this will never change but I am comfortable with this knowledge.

I guess I’ve written this to raise awareness to the subject of depression, SAD, introversion and the confusing messages our brains easily misinterpret for ourselves during the long winter months.

On the plus side for those suffering, the winter solstice has come and gone and we can look forward to at least having longer days and shorter nights.

I wish you all a wonderful festive season and a spectacular 2012.