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Have you ever watched a young person die?

Have you ever watched a young person die?
Watched them go by inches?
Way before their time?

Well I’m telling you
it does your head in
cos you just can’t rationalize it away

Your brain can’t file it
it just keeps going and going at it
like a shark
on a whale carcass

Usually we file grief
with the thinking
she’s had a good life…
she’s fulfilled her dreams…
she died quickly, it’s a mercy…
she was surrounded by those she loved…

and that golden oldie
time will heal…

But not at 6, 12, 27, 43, 52, 63
.

Its not about the death
its about the natural order
it’s about a life expectancy unfulfilled
it’s about marriages
and babies
and parties
and love

It’s about being robbed
and broken dreams

See parents expect their kids
to outlive them
partners make plans for combined futures
friends grow lives, with friends
and when death breaks
the natural order of things
It does your head in

as well as your heart

There’s just no rationalizing it away
Time doesn’t heal
there is no timeline for emotions

Go on play that song
you know you want to
the one you heard at your first heartbreak?
You’re 16 again
am I right?
in a nano

No time doesn’t heal jack shit
you’re just learning to live
with a broken bit

have you ever watched a young person die?
I have and it sucks…

© wildwomenlove poetry
20.03.10

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Have you ever watched a young person die? by 


*I wrote this is a few weeks ago, when I was reflecting on grief and loss, and the processing of it all…and I got to thinking about how people who haven’t experienced loss yet, often make the remarks about ‘how you’ll get over it’ or ‘time will heal’ or something, requiring you to fix yourself up, as quickly as possible, so they don’t have to look at your sorry state anymore, cos it’s making them uncomfortable. Best thing to do is say I love you and make a cup of tea…nothing more…
I’ve been aware from the age of 7, of the people I love dying around me , but the young ones, the young ones…they’re a whole other story…my best friend died at 27…it’s a process, that’s for sure.

Western society deals with grief and death in a ‘just get over it’ kind of way, trying to ignore the process and the inevitability of it all, while at the same time encouraging everyone to stay as young as possible, trying to avoid it…plastic surgery…
Hope I don’t make you sad…it’s just reflection on my own process…and me attempting to learn from it, and to share with others…I’ve resolved the grief enough that I’m not wounded anymore, just reflecting…*

Tags

death, grief, lesson, loss, reflection, wildwomenlove poetry

Hi there
I write poetry and stories, paint, take photos and make films…I’m learning singing, electric guitar and am at art school…
art is my heart song…wanna sing it with me ?

big love
Sharon
x

© wildwomenlove all works

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Comments

  • Arcadia Tempest
    Arcadia Tempestover 4 years ago

    Sharon…..I have purposely chosen when I was in a helping career not to work with children….I just couldn’t of coped …..It would of done me in.
    I did have a friend who did work with children and teenagers with cystic fibrosis and we talked about how she handled her emotions. It was enlightening to see someone who could walk that corridor that I could not..
    This was superbly crafted…xxx

  • Hi Arcadia, thanks for the read hon, and the thoughtful comment…the philosophy of grief and grieving…when we share more, we know more…xxx

    – wildwomenlove

  • bearwings
    bearwingsover 4 years ago

    sticking with the line “it does your head in”…because it does, you got your point across so well, not disputing any of it, but its so hard to know what to say or do sometimes, like right now even, well said, good write

  • hey Bear, how they hanging? yeah I know, that’s why I wrote the poem…you don’t know what you don’t know…and when you know better you do better…since I have experience of griefs plural, I hope to share in a way that informs those who don’t…which was me before experiencing it…it is helpful to have MAPS for living your best life, and some of these lands are not mapped out for us in Western culture…
    there’s no need for words, when you don’t know what to say…hugs are good, or I love you and making a cup of tea, or pouring a scotch…all good things to do, just being there, not trying to fix it, cos you can’t…thanks for the read and the thoughtful comment…xxx

    – wildwomenlove

  • sable
    sableover 4 years ago

    No, we can’t fix it, but as you said, we can be there, that is so important. It isn’t easy, but my friend of 43 years made it easier for me just by saying “everything is o.k”. It might sound weird to some, but I was priviliged to be able to share her passing.

  • Hi Sable, it doesn’t sound weird to me…it sounds like a sharing of great love…I can’t think of being much more vulnerable than dying, and sharing our feelings at that time with someone we love is indeed a great gift for both people concerned…have you ever read Isabella Allende’s book ‘Paula’? it is about her witnessing her daughters passing…she tells of being a witness to her passage between the worlds, like witnessing a birth…the presence of the great mystery is palpable, and one is left in awe of the process of passing over…thanks for sharing your journey, it’s beautiful…big love, Sharon x

    – wildwomenlove

  • limerick
    limerickover 4 years ago

    I have no words just XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

  • thanks honey bun…xxx

    – wildwomenlove

  • MaggieSummers
    MaggieSummersover 4 years ago

    I’ll just put the kettle on – been there so many times… and you NEVER get over it, you just learn to live with it… beautifully written hon! xoxox

  • hey Maggie, tis true isn’t it…it’s like your favourite jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece, you may choose to keep building the puzzle, but the missing piece is always glaringly obvious…x

    – wildwomenlove

  • Trenchtownrock
    Trenchtownrockover 4 years ago

    This is just wicked..a righteous powerful piece that crawls into my being and shouts out..I truly love this very much..deeply.

  • hey Sugar Trench, thanks heaps brother…tis a powerful topic and requires some of my attention…glad it requires some of yours also…x

    – wildwomenlove

  • Pagly4u
    Pagly4uover 4 years ago

    Having been there more times than I can count…..there is little you can say…and time doesn’t heal it just numbs the edges of the pain………and makes it more bearable……..having to give comfort more times than I care to remember I believe …….“there is no more suffering” to be of more comfort…….hugs….

  • hey Pagly, it’s so true isn’t it?…one learns to live around the pain…but if one stops and looks inside, one knows exactly where to find it, still sharp, still stabbing, still earth shattering…xxx

    – wildwomenlove

  • Julialala
    Julialalaover 4 years ago

    Congratulations! – you’ve been featured in The Art Of Pain

    This is absolutely heartbreaking. I truly have no words.

  • thanks so much for the feature Julia, sometimes no words is just what is called for…xxx

    – wildwomenlove

  • Fuego1
    Fuego1over 4 years ago

    This is amazing writing and I have unfortunately been there, more than once. You’ve completely captured it here.

  • hey Pajaro, so sorry you’ve been there, then you know the journey well my friend…hugs to you…x

    – wildwomenlove

  • Yvonne Churchley
    Yvonne Churchleyover 4 years ago

    This so resonates right now my sons best friend passed away at the age of 21 last month, cups of tea and hugs were a great help to him and just knowing i was there for him, his friend will remain forver young to us…..

  • hey Gemini, so nice to meet you…I hear you here…I experienced it the first time as a loss of innocence where my naive view of everything will be OK was shattered. It’s a growing up experience, and matures your spirit big time…I found it hard to relate to the small stuff that was big on others agendas after that…it changed me fundamentally. I learnt to always tell people I love them when I think of it, cos you just never know how long they’re gonna be here…you are laying witness to your sons spiritual growth right now…never underestimate the importance of a hug…it can be foundational…xxx

    – wildwomenlove

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