i can see SO MUCH, but i’m blinded by the mirror. i need to become invisible. i almost did one time, even here i mean, in the city, not like in the forest. nothing makes you invisible like the forest. i could just be a ghost there, like a deer, like a slinky little marten, but no no no.
what do other people see when they look at a cashier? do i really graze their retinas as an absence, like a single window on one of those sheer glass skyscrapers, like a fucking lamppost? totally indistinguishable, invisible, i feel spotlighted, blind and naked, that one taped-up broken window in the building’s face, the one that catches your eye.
you don’t understand you city, with your two million eyes, there’s no hiding in a crowd. every one of your faces turning and staring, splitting open the darkness with your highbeam eyes, stripping the darkness skinning the darkness, and i’m just a DEER can’t you see that?
these OTHER PEOPLE with all their eyes open at OTHER PEOPLE, i really don’t know what they see.
thing in a jar, retarded palsy victim, do they see “cashier”?
eyeless cave creature, lake at the bottom of the ocean, do they see “some girl”?
waving my hand in front of my face, reaching out to the empty mirror can they SEE ME?
going weightless in the darkness, slipping spilling through the darkness
do they SEE ME?
have i DONE IT?
did i DISAPPEAR?