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Manic Day

God, I feel so MANIC today!

the hyper feeling just won’t go away,
It starts with energy and free flow of thoughts,
but by the end of the day I want to rip my head off.
And oh, if I am too much for friends and family,
then I’m bannished to my room,
where the talking continues.
Here on the ‘net,
I can let myself go.
Without thought or worry to my levels cheer.
But if made angry,
I’m quick to respond,
it feels like a bloodflow running through my arms.
Here it is now evening and still I am wired.
Can’t sit still,
can’t think,
or calmly respond.
I gnash my teeth,
and torture my tongue,
trying to keep my words in,
and my demeanor calm.
It’s painful when people say, “You’re too much”
Cuz I know it,
but can’t stop it,
and wish to be able to easily flow.
My shoulders are tense,
and my neck cracks every few minutes.
My toes wiggle and I look desperate to fix it.
Chill out,
be calm,
and lower your voice.
Is what I hear on a manic day.
I can’t wait for the day to end,
when I can take my meds.
cuz then I relax and feel my emotions on the mend.
But right now,
it’s me,
and they say its too much caffeine…
But what about the days when I wake up this way,
and still climb the walls, with too much to say.
On a manic day,
I get the creative flow to the tops,
but I hate when my creative mind gets blocked
And that is today, how I feel
with this mania run.
Maybe someday I’ll be cool and calm
but that’s too far off,
and a dream that’s denied,
because I’m bipolar-
and my mania has overrun.

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Comments

  • autumnwind
    autumnwindover 5 years ago

    An awesome write. Know a few friends who suffer from this – not always exactly fun. Warmest wishes to you and keep writing!!! Hugs, Shar xoxoxo

  • Thanks Autumn, yeah amongst my “crazy” friends I am considered(an insult in my mind) to be the most “normal” lol Go fig. right?

    – whiterabbit79

  • raymondoantonio
    raymondoantonioover 5 years ago

    YOU HAVE A GIFT!!! A BLESSING!! AND I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT ALL THIS PC JARGON MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE!! MANIC DEPRESSION IS WHAT I CALL IT!! NO DISRESPECT, BUT THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS BEING STERALISED AND NEUTERED BY PC PURITANS WHO HAVE GONE TOO FAR! LOVE YOUR WRITING!!

  • LOL, Thanks Ray, I appreciate your response. In 1994 the DSM-IV was changed from the listing of Manic Depressive to Bipolar, not for PC sake, but for the fact that the disorder includes more than just Mania or Depression. My biggest problem and the one side of my swings is instead of depression I get horrible anxiety. My other polar swing is of course Mania. But anyways, thanks for your kind words and input!! :D

    – whiterabbit79

  • raymondoantonio
    raymondoantonioover 5 years ago

    WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE, IT’S JUST THAT I REALLY PREFER MANIC DEPRESSION, GREAT HENDRIX TRACK AND SOUNDS BETTER TO ME!!

  • raymondoantonio
    raymondoantonioover 5 years ago

    HOPE YOU ARE COPPING WELL AND HAVE A GOOD SUPPORT NETWORK! THERE ARE MANY GOOD PEOPLE ON RB WHO WILL LISTEN WITH A SYMPATHETIC EAR!!! CHEERS!!

  • msdebbie
    msdebbieover 5 years ago

    Congrats on so powerfully expressing the manic side of bipolarity. Good luck with the journey – in 2002 I lost a friend who lost the will to take meds, so I applaud that you seem to embrace them in this write. Love and laughter white rabbit xoxo

  • Ms Debbie, Thank you so much for your words. I found that I had always known (as young as 13) that there was something wrong with me. I could see it in the eyes of those I talked to and called friends. I was diagnosed at 19 and felt relief that I had a specific disorder that had remedies and rules to apply to my life and make it better. I had once felt(I was 22) that I didn’t need my meds but after a breakdown, which was followed with me enrolling into Psych. and studying my butt off in college about it. The schedules, rules, and meds CAN be tiresome and irksome but the benefits of sanity and control FAR outweigh the “Over the Edge” feeling I had when not treated. I can only hope your friend has an epiphany that will lead them back to reality- As for me, I really appreciate all the kind comments I have recieved for my writing.
    :D

    – whiterabbit79

  • Lynn Moore
    Lynn Mooreover 5 years ago

    What a beautifully descriptive piece…a window into your experience. I think my husband would echo many of these feelings and thoughts.

  • Thank you so much. I find that delving into my mind and constructively writing about it not only gives me a release, but organizes my thoughts and feelings into a sense of order that enlightens me in my everyday life. Also, any opportunity to educate and de-mysticize the disorder helps everyone who is dealing with and are bipolar. Thank you!! :D

    – whiterabbit79

  • Lynn Moore
    Lynn Mooreover 5 years ago

    Would you mind if I share this with my counseling clients, giving you credit of course?

  • Hey no credit needed but you did boost my ego!! Go ahead and share it, it’s why I write. To help others and to really give ordered to my sometimes chaotic mind. BTW- I just added a journal- “How to scare your family…” and it’s a how-to to make sure you’re on your meds, and how to slow yourself down when in manic mode. And yes I did write it for you to share with them. In fact, it’s really a reminder to myself to employ what I teach and to remember that everyone goes a little “wonky”(I don’t use the Crazy word unless creatively writing) every now and then! :D

    – whiterabbit79

  • msdebbie
    msdebbieover 5 years ago

    Hi again, couldn’t see a way to Bmail you with an added detail in relation to your comment above. When my friend lost the will to take meds, he killed himself in 2002 (aged 22). I’m passionate about greater awareness of the benefits to the alternatives – and you’re a great example that without the excessive highs and lows you can still be a creative genius. His argument was that he couldn’t create music he liked while numbed/medicated, but when the depression got him – didn’t forwarn any of his closest friends or family either of his intent. Awful, heart-breaking stuff. So yeah, I applaud you white rabbit!!! Well done and kudos on such a great poem xoxo

  • Denis Marsili - DDTK
    Denis Marsili ...over 2 years ago

    Awesome! I SO understand you!…Stay strong, hold on to yourself when where’s nothing else to lean upon…

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