All the Pixies who were being held captive in the dungeon had lost hope. They had used up their magic pixie dust and no more incantations could be performed. They were unable to escape. It seemed that they were done for. The Wickednesses’ powers were too strong.
Why were they imprisoned? It wasn’t as though the Pixies had done anything evil. On the contrary, Pixies can only perform good deeds. But the Wickednesses were planning a party. They had invited all the Evils, Devils, Hatefuls, Vengefuls, basically the whole neighborhood.
The Pixies wallowed in their misery, knowing that in a few hours they would not be wallowing, but rather, marinading. The word had gotten to them that they could be the main course. Usually, in a fairie tale, something magical happens because, as you well know, Good must surely triumph over Evil. But not in this neighborhood.
The last party thrown by the Wickednesses was a potluck. The Evils brought a fairie casserole; the Devils brought Devils Food Cake; the Hatefuls brought brussel sprouts without cheese; the Vengefuls didn’t bring anything because when they had thrown a party at their place, no one had contributed at all.
In THIS neighborhood Bad always triumphed over Good. Bitterness always won out over Sweetness. The local realtor only sold homes to Negative buyers and his favorite phrase was Location, Location, Location because the neighborhood where the Wickenesses and their friends lived was just a hop, skip and a jump to the nearby neighborhood of the Forces of the Light. This was where the Pixies had lived.
As this story builds towards a conclusion, you may be thinking, of course there will be a happy ending. The Pixies cannot be doomed to end their existence as a main course; and you would be right.
They were dessert.
As it turns out, they didn’t find ALL the Pixies. One escaped being served up for dessert by clinging to the ceiling in the basement, attempting to look like a spiderweb. Unnoticed, she survived, the last of her family. Happily, she was pregnant, and quite far along – her fourth day.
Another little-known fact: Pixie gestation periods are extremely short. In two more days she had given birth. Here it should be made known, there are no male Pixies. Female Pixies are able to procreate independently. Therefore, with Pixies, unlike with the Fairies, there is no need for a male version of the species. Well, now that I think of it, maybe Fairies aren’t THAT different from the Pixies . . .
You may not know this either, but Pixies rarely give birth to individual Pixette’s. Generally they have a litter. This particular Pixie had a baker’s dozen. That is thirteen. As luck would have it, and as is the norm, each baby Pixie is born with a quantity of their own Pixie dust.
Within a day the Pixette’s had grown to their full adult size (4 inches) except for the runt of the litter (3-1/2 inches). Because of the Pixie dust, they were able to escape, yes, even through solid doors and also used their magic to become invisible.
They made their way back to the old neighborhood where they opened a bagel bar and strip club. Turns out that Pixies born in the Wickednesses’ neighborhood had some traits of character unlike those of normal Pixies. They were more like the Vengefuls. So, they put out flyers and advertised in newspapers the day of the Grand Opening they would be giving out free bagel samples. The Wickednesses were notoriously stingy, so they all showed up for the free samples.
At the shop, all thirteen Pixies wore black garter belts and danced provacatively around the Wickednesses, luring them into the back of the bagel shop. When all the Wickednesses were surrounded by all thirteen of the garterbelt-wearing Pixies, the Wickednesses were pushed into a giant vat of cream cheese where they thrashed about and eventually expired. (The expiration date was stamped on their bottoms and that is how we came to have expiration dates required by law.)
This story was handed down from Pixie generation to Pixie generation. That is how the number thirteen came to be known as bad luck, at least for the Wicked.
Usually, in a fairie tale, something magical happens because, as you well know, Good must surely triumph over Evil. But not in this neighborhood. In THIS neighborhood Bad always triumphed over Good. Bitterness always won out over Sweetness.