This ain’t no Message In A Bottle, my precious- this is an online t-shirt etc store! See this beautiful piece of merchandise, it could all be yours (sexy mithril under-shirt not included).
You know they say this is how the The Police front-man got his name, by wielding the elven sword Sting against orc hoards in his home town of New Castle- an area widely known for its orc populace due to their language infiltrating the human accent of the region.
You could always give it as a gift too! Give it to your Desert Rose… or maybe If You Love Somebody Set Them Free, you know. Really it just depends on The Shape of Your Heart, to be honest