missing you

i walked sonny this evening to one our favourite places. we walked to the ford where within/without was written, and i recalled how those years back i was thinking then of my brother, before he became unwell, but his life was ruptured and out of sync. then he got sick, and the years changed, and we changed. when i got back to the car, the day was ending, the sliver of moon was clear, a tractor was ploughing still. i sat on the edge of the boot of the car, tickled sonny, and felt sadness come. i sent a text to my brothers old phone number, told him how much i missed him. pointed it to the sky and pressed send. felt overwhelmed for a moment,and just wondered where we go, what happens, and imagined the words would fly out, and circle space forever, in search.

there is a lot of grieving it seems, though i feel strong and happy. but i will miss his presence on this planet for the rest of my life. there is a space that is unfilled, and unfillable.

missing one

Comments

  • evon ski
    evon skiabout 1 year ago

    I read this one Leslie, and bowed my head and was very quiet . . . . . I love that you texted him . . . . that moved me . . . incredibly and I hope somehow, some way . . . . you hear see feel an acknowledgement that touches you. Blessings to you. xoxoxox

  • I missed replying to this evon ski..so sorry it is late..but thank you so much.

    – uncleblack

  • Matty B. Duran
    Matty B. Duran10 months ago

    I am very sorry for the loss of your brother. I have thought of texting my dad’s old number. Grief is a very peculiar thing, and it brings out a diverse canvas of emotion. I have never lost a sibling, but if I lost my brother, it would be painful. I continue to grieve my father, daily, sometimes a day will pass, and I am well, I am having more days like that. Only to see something that reminds me of him, and be depressed the whole day, the whole week. I believe it is important to continue to communicate with loved ones, because we are still alive. My thoughts and prayers.

  • thank you matty..you are right, it comes and goes..some days it feels like he is at my shoulder, others like he is on another side of the universe. but inside a part is always with me, and I take comfort from that. thanks for sharing matty..and I hope you continue to move through and eventually past these difficult times..

    – uncleblack