growing up with parents that were somewhat older than many of my contemporaries I often felt a bit of detachment from them in the sense that, they weren’t the’ lets play football together’, or ’we’re best friends’…they were just mum and dad. as my brother was several years older, I soon realised that my friends were super-important, and in many ways ‘my family’. Both mum and dad came from big families, but mums were all in Ireland, and dads’ we saw sometimes but not lots. I have lots and lots of cousins too, but again the age thing meant they were often quite a bit older than me. And so there were never big family gatherings, or parties.
it never really bothered me, and I grew up being used to having a very small close family. However losing dad a few years ago and my brother this year, has made me realise how fragile it all is. How as uncles and aunties die, and cousins become even more remote.
Friends are lovely and I value them over everything, but I am aware that friendships can sometimes fade, and peoples lives change.
And so for the first time, I am starting to feel at some point I will be on my own..floating aimlessly around the world, with the anchor of blood connections adrift.
As a result, for the first time, I realise how alone I feel.