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Some more of Yer Wouldnt Read About It

“Okay, okay, hold on a minute, I’m still asleep.” I yawned. “Christ! My bloody head.” Groaning and holding my head in my hands I very gently and slowly got out of bed, trying to remember when we had spoken about going fishing." It’s pretty late, isn’t it?" I said squinting at my watch through eyes you could cook toast on." It’s nearly lunch time."
“The fish don’t start bitin’ till just on dark, come on.”
“If you hang on till I have a wash and a cup of coffee…
Hey! By the way,” I suddenly thought." Where’s the river around here?"
“Twenty five miles out on the Angledool road, good fishin’ too mate.” Johnny replied.
“Well come on then.” I said as I finished my cup of coffee.
We picked up our supply of grog from the fridge and carried it out to where Bill was waiting at Johnny’s old Ute.
“Do you think this thing will get there Bill?” I asked handing him a bottle of beer." Here get this into you."
Bill looked pretty sick today and we couldn’t get a word out of him until he had taken a long swallow from the bottle. “Arrrr! That’s bloody better.” He growled." It won’t matter if we don’t, we got our food in the back. "Indicating the cartons of beer we had brought along. “Of cause it could rain an’ this black soil’s a proper bastard even if yer only ’ave a leak under the wheel.”
We seemed to have traveled nearer to fifty miles instead of twenty- five before Johnny turned off the road onto a narrow bush track.
“Won’t be long now mates.” He said as we bumped our way over and across rocks and anthills.
“There she is, looks alright too.” Bill said pointing to what appeared to me to be a muddy gum tree covered waterhole. “This is a river?” I queried as we pulled up under a gnarled old river gum.
“Yeah, some good fish ’ere mate.”
I climbed out of the Ute and went to have a closer look at the Narren River, it was about twenty-five to thirty feet wide and seemed to wind like a snake, and also it looked like pure mud.
“You sure there’s water in there?” I asked. “Looks like liquid mud to me.”
“All rivers out ‘ere are like that Bob, come on, I’ll show yer the blue ’ole.”
We walked a couple of hundred yards till we came to a sweeping bend, then Johnny said. “There she is, the blue ’ole.”
“Looks more like a bloody mud hole to me.” I told him.
“Get the fishin’ lines out, will yer Bill?” Johnny shouted. “An’ the grog, I’m as dry as a bushfire in summer.”
“Hey Johnny,” Bill called back a few minutes later, “Where’d yer put the bloody lines!”
“Look in the back, yer blind or sumthin’?” He growled back.
“You ‘ave a bloody look, there’s only the grog in the back!”
“Christ! Don’t tell me.” Johnny said sheepishly." I left them on the caravan steps."
“Well there goes the fishin’ looks like we guzzle on regardless.” Bill sighed opening another beer.
“You better put the rest in the water to keep them cool.” I suggested. “Can’t drink hot beer.”
Johnny picked up a carton and walked down to the waters edge and placed the bottles one by one underwater. “There that’ll keep them cool.”
“What’ll we do now?” Bill asked.
“How about telling me a bit about the ridge?” I suggested.
“Well…. lets see.” Bill answered thinking hard. “I’ve been ‘ere about twenty years, there was a bloke lived up near the Pony Fence used to go down every evenin’ to the local an’ get ‘imself drunk so bad that every night on his way home he’d fall down a shaft, never ‘urt ’imself, I think ’e was too drunk, anyway one night ’e made it all the way ’ome without fallin’ down one shaft, anyway ‘e walked inside ’is shack an’ tripped over a log fair into the fireplace, knocked ‘imself silly ’e did, woke up next mornin’, looked up seen the sunlight at the top of the chimney, said ’bugger it, fell down another shaft’ and then ‘e started climbin’, well ‘e nearly got to the top when the side of the chimney collapsed out ’e fell, broke a leg an’ a couple of ribs.”
“Boy ’e sure ’ad it bad didn’t ’e.” Johnny mumbled. “Hey! Isn’t the river runnin’ a bit faster? Look!”
“Naw, yer imaginations runnin’ away with yer.” Growled Bill.
“Well it seems to be rising a bit.”
“Bill, tell us some more tales about the ridge.” I asked.
“Can’t think of any just now, what about another beer?”
“You can get it can’t yer?” Johnny said. “Yer useless or sumthin’?”
“Okay, don’t get off yer ’orse, whereabouts did yer put it?” He asked getting to his feet.
“Near a bit of a log, just down there.” Johnny pointed.
Bill returned a few minutes later." Can’t find yer log Johnny."
“Yer blind as well as drunk or sumthin’? It’s only over the bank, I’ll go an’ ’ave a look. Hey!! Some bastards pinched me log!!” He howled a few minutes later.
“What do yer mean pinched a log? Don’t be an idiot mate, who wants a bloody log!” Bill growled.
“Give us a look.” I said. “Your both too pissed to see straight, where was it Johnny?”
“’ere some place.” He complained. “All our bloody grog gone!”
“It seems to me that the river has risen, look at all the weed and branches floating past.” I said pointing.
“Well, whose goin’ swimmin’ for the grog?” Johnny asked.
“I think see’n as you put it there it should be up to you to find it, don’t you Bill?”
“Eh! Oh! Sure mate but I’ll ’elp ’im look.”
So they both stripped off and gingerly waded out into the water. “Brrrrr! It’s bloody cold enough to freeze the balls on a brass monkey!”
“Come on use yer ‘ands, yer wont find it standin’ in one place like a statue.” Bill said bending down and feeling the bottom with his hands. They searched for about twenty minutes, but no beer and sadly they came out of the water, purple and shivering with cold.
“W-w-well, i-i-i-t’s n-n-not out th-th-th-there.” Johnny stuttered. “I’ve got bl-bl-bl-bloody go-go-goose bumps the size of wal-wal-walnuts!”
“Yer-yer lu-lu-lucky ter-ter-ter ’ave bl-bl-bloody n-n-nuts!” Stammered Bill.
“You blokes better get some clothes on, you’ll catch your death otherwise.” I laughed.
“Bloody beers gone an’ all through his stupidity!” Cried Bill.
“Ar, I wasn’t ter know the bloody river would blasted well rise!”
“Cut it out you two, anyone would think it was the last drop in the world.” I said laughing.
“I don’t like wasting no bloody grog on bloody fish!” Roared Bill. “I wouldn’t trust this bastard with me mother-in-law!”
“Ar, shut yer trap! I wasn’t ter know it would ’appen, was I?”
“I think it’s a waste of time staying here now, lets get back home.” I said.
“Hang on, we’re comin’ lets put our bloody trousers on mate.”

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“You blokes better get some clothes on, you’ll catch your death otherwise.” I laughed.
“Bloody beers gone an’ all through his stupidity!” Cried Bill.
“Ar, I wasn’t ter know the bloody river would blasted well rise!”
“Cut it out you two, anyone would think it was the last drop in the world.” I said laughing.


beer, bloody, fish, grog, nude, nuts, opal, river, time


  • Heabar
    Heabaralmost 7 years ago

    Another great chapter Bob !! i just love it mate :)

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