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One of the craziest things we do in our relationships is think we know what is going on for another person. Oh yes, it is quite possible that we can judge, tar, feather, despise and walk away without ever stopping to ask what the other person thinks, feels, believes is happening or would like to see happen. In dysfunctional relationships (ones that aren’t functioning very well) there is a good deal of communication that goes this way. Someone tells us what someone else said, or did. They supply us with the reasons why they think it is happening, the story captures our imagination or fits with something we’d like to believe and so we jump in.

We like to think of ourselves in the most positive light possible. We prefer information that supports the theory of our rightness, truthfulness, wonderfulness etc. We also prefer to align ourselves with other people who make us feel good about ourselves, even if that comes at the expense of someone else. Even if the someone else is our mother, sister, father, brother, grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousin – or someone else in our family.

Sometimes we make ourselves feel better about ourselves and our lives by maligning, scapegoating and bullying others. Sometimes we know its wrong and we still sit silent, watching from the sidelines while someone else does the bullying and scapegoating. It isn’t attractive behaviour – but we have all been guilty of it. Yes, even you.

This is not okay. You know it isn’t. You would not want people leaping to conclusions about what you are thinking, or feeling, or doing – or making up reasons for why you do what you do, or are the way you are … all without ever stopping to check in with you.You wouldn’t like it if people were saying rotten things about you and no one moved in to stop it. You wouldn’t like it if people you loved were determined to think the worst of you, without ever making an effort to find out if the worst was even real.
~ E-Stranged

Nikon D70
Fire Island, New York

Nikon D70
Siesta Key, Florida

Textures by
Shadowhouse Creations
Melissa Gallo

featured in
Art Universe Aug 2013
The Woman Photographer Aug 2013
Love of Eerie and Enchanting Aug 2013
RB Feature Page Nov 2013

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Tags

new york, fire island, composite, photoshop, photomanipulation, waves, surf, crashing, bullying, judgmental, estrangement, tori yule

Words are not just words
they are kisses
on the lips of silence
that speak of your essence

and your words
are the most lovely kisses
~Vesna

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Comments

  • Manon Boily
    Manon Boily12 months ago

    that’s a wave! great shot tori ;)

  • A composite of two of my own images. As you can see that wave was not big at all, but I wanted to portray the loss of control I feel when there are ’people leaping to conclusions about what you are thinking, or feeling, or doing – or making up reasons for why you do what you do, or are the way you are … all without ever stopping to check in with you.

    – tori yule

  • Heloisa Castro
    Heloisa Castro12 months ago

    well capture

  • Shulie1
    Shulie112 months ago

    That is a huge wave!! Great shot!

  • Rhinovangogh
    Rhinovangogh12 months ago

    lOVELY TITLE. iNTERESTING SHOT.

  • shadowlea
    shadowlea12 months ago

    inspiring write…one everyone should take heed……so glad you posted this tori…btw great capture too…

  • Ainsley Kellar Creations
    Ainsley Kellar...12 months ago

    Awesome!

  • JohnDSmith
    JohnDSmith12 months ago

    Just a fabulous capture,….
    I agree with what your saying in the description.
    We really never know what the other person is thinking,…and if we find out what their thinking,….To know the reason for them thinking that way is another matter.
    I know that not everyone agree`s with me,….That`s ok !,…..Just try to understand why am thinking that way.

  • © Angela L Walker
    © Angela L Walker12 months ago

    Great shots, Tori… Amazing work! Even the description held me captive…

  • Lucinda Walter
    Lucinda Walter12 months ago

    Excellent capture, Tori. Great words

  • leonie7
    leonie712 months ago

    Wow What a Wave What a Capture Tori OUTSTANDING Just love this lee

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