SARF EFFRIKIN PYOWA SHOTIGES AN LODE SHEDIN...
With the current (power) situation in South Africa, its a problem for us, and we would imagine, all other owners of little children, to keep them occupied when the power is de-powered.
One idea we had, and which we will be trying out this evening, is a relay story.
SARF EFFRIKIN PYOWA SHOTIGES AN LODE SHEDIN... belongs to the following groups:
Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, South Africa - Rainbow Nation and WMGSARF EFFRIKIN PYOWA SHOTIGES AN LODE SHEDIN…
Were-rabbit’s Adventures
With the current (power) situation in South Africa, its a problem for us, and we would imagine, all other owners of little children, to keep them occupied when the power is de-powered.
One idea we had, and which we will be trying out this evening, is a relay story.
With our prime contributors being two robust and lively boys, tweens, aged nine and ten, we’re expecting the tale to be a tad gruesome, and kinda far-fetched, but, we’ll see…
The idea behind the relay story is simple. One person starts it, and then stops, for the next to pick up on and take further.
We’re not sure how long it will last before war breaks out between the boys but only time will tell.
We’re not sure how any of this will go down.
We started and finished with the same person, each person getting strictly two minutes in which to talk. The whole episode took 18 minutes…
Hmmm….
There was this Were-rabbit. He was continually being beaten up, and beating up, for stealing vegetables. His miserable existence came to a head when he inflicted a ‘nipple crippler’ on the owner of his favorite patch.
That is how Elder boy started the relay. It was now up to Mamaa to take it further. In true girlie fashion, ...Were-rabbit was made to investigate his options, and come to the conclusion that he really needed to change things in his life. Asking for permission to vandalize and destroy the patch was his only option to just doing it anyway.
Our intrepid Were-rabbit made his way to Patch owners house, and just before knocking on Patch owners door realized that middle of the night was definitely not the best time to wake someone up, and ask for permission to vandalize a veggie patch.
Witness to this revelation was a solitary crow, flitting, like a bat, across the face of the moon…
At this point Younger stepped up to the podium, and a couple of new, dashing characters were introduced in his first breath. Rat and Rat rider introduced a new facet to Were-rabbits previously unhappy life. Rat and company made it their misssion, and sole purpose in life to make were-rabbits existence MISERABLE!
Goring, gashing, smashing, gnashing, and nightmare hounds inspired the next contributor to wake Were-rabbit up.
This being his sole idea to that point, Old guy takes over the tale.
Poor Were-rabbit had fallen asleep on the pathway, in front of Patch owners door.
Were-rabbit was made to sit up, and experience an unknown and unfamiliar sensation of being aware that the front door had opened.
That he, Were-rabbit, was being watched. Scrutinised. Studied. Examined.
And that the watching, scrutinising, studying, examinee, was approaching.
Were-rabbit was afraid.
Very afraid.
At this point Elder resumed, and had Were-rabbit sneak a backward peek, and realize he was nose to snuffling, runny nose with Patch owners Enormous, Rheumy Yellow Eyed, Bow-legged, foul-breathed pet bulldog.
No conscious decision was made.
There was no thought.
All that existed in Were-rabbits world right then was FLIGHT!
This wild and frantic adrenalin fuelled gallop ended, orgasmically, when he reached the security and safety of his burrow. The crowning victory, in his little mind, was confirmed when The Dog was physically unable to follow into the narrow confines of the bolt-hole.
A relieved Were-rabbit prepared to relax, in safety…
The Dog, being a dog, had a touch more intelligence than Were-rabbit could lay claim to, and studied the situation. He knew he wanted Were-rabbit. Exactly why, he wasn’t sure, but it did somehow involve food.
The Food thing brought a memory back to him. Clanking and rattling, the Memory was wrestled from his almost sub-conscious. Realization hit The Dog, with all the force of a drunken Saturday night car smash!
He had the means to seperate Were-rabbit and rabbit hole!
With intrepid cunning, and a lot of wriggling and squirming, The Dog forced his not eating end into the rabbit hole. Once in position, he relaxed, knowing that Nature, the bounteous provider would come to the fore, unbeckoned.
Nature was not long in arriving. Nature rumbled in The Dogs gut.Nature used the remains of last nights cheese, egg and onion sandwich, and with a few modifications, released the memory of the sandwich into the hole, with great pressure and exuberance. Nature provided velocity, force, and the workings of the canine alimentary system to expel Were-rabbit from his hole.
At speed.
Through the roof of the dwelling.
To land in a tree. Well now, land not being quite true. Suspended is closer to the truth. Were-rabbits growing need for feed, and his proximity to the young and tender growing tips of the tree expelled all sense and knowledge of possible danger.
Were-rabbit attacked the tree voraciously, and reduced it to a gut stretching mass in no time…
Mamaa took over now.
Lying on his back, in the sun, Were-rabbit tried to reflect. This was never easy, even in his better moments. As he lay there, and forced the last of the now historic tree into his stomach, the baking sun baked on him. Were-rabbits’ langour was interrupted by the baking sun having baked on him, and the growing turgid mass in his stomach erupting. A lone and solitary acorn, previously neglected and forgotten, was now just as callously evicted, at high speed.
This eviction creates another turning point in the life of Were-rabbit. This solitary acorn flew upward. This solitary acorn hit the moon-crossing crow, who was now a sun-crossing crow.
Crow was not expecting an interruption. Crow was surprised. Crow was shocked and horrified. Crow fell out of the sky. Crow landed, with a bump, on Crows rump.
Younger takes over round about now.
Rat and Rat-rider appear on the scene.
Much of the next while disappears behind a curtain of flying limbs, fur, claws and paws.
Were-rabbit, now much thinner, and once again adrenalised, makes his retreat, and screaming quietly (so as not to let the rest of the mob know he was no longer present), disappears in the direction of the river.
His quiet screams are vocalised when he hits the water.
Getting wet was not on his agenda.
Nor was the water monster.
Nor was being squeezed.
Like a tooth-paste tube.
Definitely not on his agenda was becoming an historical figure at this point.
Old guy in the hot seat now. Everyone knows that the hero never dies (except in a true story of course). Crow is brought back into the story, no longer confused and dis-oriented. Crow is in fact a witch in drag. Now its not clear why, but Crowitch decides that Were-rabbit is in need of assistance, and that Were-rabbit needs re-assembly.
Crowitch never did do Advanced Mammal Construcion & Properties.
To Crowitches’ credit, there weren’t too many pieces of Were-rabbit left over at the end of the reconstruction and remodeling. Not enough for another mammal, but definitely a tadpole or three.
Were-rabbit is now more of a weird-rabbit. His left arm and ear are now on the right, and in the wrong places. His eating end isn’t there anymore. It is, but not where it was.
Old guy leaves Were-rabbit at this time.
It is now up to Elder to finish the story, which he does.
Using in-bred animal cunning, Were-rabbit involves Rat, Rat-rider and Crowitch in a battle, and then lures The Dog toward it. Were-rabbit, now a transformed new being, without the benefit of any great thought, which may be a good thing, leaves the combatants, and makes his way, as best he can, to Patch owners property.
With the sun sinking behind him, Were-rabbit opens Patch owners garden gate. Were-rabbit stands there, his shadow stretching out before him. Well, somethings shadow. Were-rabbit doesn’t recognize it.
Were-rabbit takes a deep breath.
A step forward.
Another. Nervous.
And another step.
Timid.
He realizes Patch owner doesn’t know he is there, and steps forward again.
Were-rabbits next action is of historical note.
It proves that no matter what you are, you can never be anything else.
Were-rabbit strikes off to his left, and with mind numbing speed, and acrobatic agility, gathers up what veg he can, and with no pause or indecision, is gone again, leaving dust and settling leaves in his wake.
We don’t know what happened to The Dog, Rat, Rat rider, Crowitch or Patch owner. We don’t need to, they’re incidental to the story.
Were-rabbit.
The story is his.
He grew his own veg eventually.
Teresa Schultz
I love this, you are very clever Tony Flanigan!