rednecks
I’m an American expat living in Melbourne Australia. Have been for the past twelve years. Growing up in San Francisco, my friends and I (and my parents for that matter) always thought of middle America as the land of the half-wit. So sorry for anyone reading this from that region. No doubt, if you are on this site, you are an exception to the rule. You are liberated, creative and most certainly not a redneck.
Now yesterday I was on a tram (read: streetcar) in Melbourne and these two overweight, hawaiian-shirt wearing, fiftty-something hicks get on board and sit in front of me. Husband and wife, from the looks of things. They’re wearing lanyards with id cards for some cruise tour they’re on. The wife is perpetually making comments about very ordinary buildings she sees through the window. “Oooh, that’s a tall one.” “Look at that one, hon. It’s under construction. It’ gonna’ be a biiig one.”
I’m thinking, ‘Fuck sake, woman. Are you a fucking moron? It’s six storeys high for Christ Sake! Your cruise ship is twice the size.’
Every time the wife says something to the inattentive fat spongehead, the husband replies, “HUH?” with a scrunched nose and gaping pie hole. He can’t seem to avert his stare from a group of cackling emos standing across from him. I mean this cunt is staring at these kids in disbelief like someone’s just taken the can of lard from his kitchen. His gaze is finally broken by a chinese couple wearing the same lanyards as him and his better half-wit.
They see lardos lanyard and smile, pointing to their own. No doubt, dumb fuck is thinking, “Jesus H. Christ I think these oriental people are trying to talk to me.” I can see it in his eyes. This dubya-loving schmuck is so full of racist angst, all he can do is throw a tooth-rot exposing half-grin to the Chinese couple and mumble, “Yeah, we’re on the cruise too.” The Chinese man smiles and nods, asking, “Where are you from?”
“HUH?”
“Where are you from?”
“TEXAS, USA!”
‘nuff said
Joe Mortelliti
I cut the grass the other day and did not find any old cars, so I guess I’m a redneck:-)
Joe Mortelliti
meant to say …NOT a redneck:-)
H M Bascom
Good grief. How did they ever find their way to Melbourne?
bellmusker
a scrunched nose and gaping pie hole
And with that, I can see them so clearly….and I kind of wish I couldn’t! So vividly described….
That said, I just booked my ticket to the US today and my delight knows no bounds. Spray on cheese is a force to be reckoned with, I hear. Looking forward to it.
T. Mick Donald
good luck with that cheese in a can, bell. you might also want to try ‘Goober’ which is peanut butter and jelly in a jar. What cities will you be visiting?
bellmusker
I’ll be flying into LA with the wondrous LittleHelen, whom I think you might recognise from The Blue Room. And we’ll be staying for a week there with the amazing MsTrace, whom you might also have seen striding through the Blue Room corridors…sensing a theme here?!
Then the three of us wenches fly off to New York for a week, to celebrate my birthday in style. I envision lots of whiskey and the odd dollop of the blues, with a fair bit of strutting in between ;-)
I adore New York, but wish I could drop by New Mexico again…my travels are hugely determined by my stomach, I must admit!
T. Mick Donald
I may be off to New York in August as well (if all goes according to plan). Believe it or not, I’ve never been to the East Coast. As a West Cost boy it just never seemed to be able to meet my requisite sandy beach, sunny days and tan women criteria. But now I see it with new eyes. Enjoy your trip (in more ways than one!)