You know the best conversations happen in the back of a taxi..especially with a driver you know well after four years …and who is called Paul..and we rant and cathartically deduce the issues of the day, as far as we see them. He teases me I do the same to him ..but I think we talk some sense among the shit and witt. I got collared by an internet conspiracy theorist at my osteopath, the beginning of the year…had to hrar a shit load of crap from this guy and his girlfriend..Paul and I pissed ourselves…"Grassy knolls and the political CIA invention of HIV virus? ….Each to their own but not in my ear!
Well Nigel asked me how today went….Tunes are on and my fingers are at the ready to hit the keys. Perhaps I am self absorbed but wanted to write anyway my thoughts. A good wheelbarrow of rant! Just want stuff sorted.
Well in a nutshell…today i revisited the same xrays i had done before…at the end of May..The dentist I saw in the Maxillo Facial Day Surgery Place decided to contradict the Surgeon guy, I saw locally in May..There are wisdom teeth pressing and blah blah..
upper molars doing this…
Some progress on the MRI Scan..which I was expecting today.. but they never tell you what your visit is for.. Just to see a member of the team!
I asked for the scan to be made a priority but apparently unless you have cancer. there is no urgency…even if you skull and face compresses…you’ll be in agony! They will call me next week on this..20 months since first told to get one!..Since i was whopped this morning had to take a taxi..can’t drive at the moment! I got there….
Oh I will get a surgery date .. no general anaesthetic as the surgeon said..from St Georges Tooting as well. Another contradicition! It has a very modern architectural and you can find Marks and Spencers there..so dinner for two and wine for £10 and have your blood clot removed at the same time! Painting everywhere..Metal design art chairs..Nice. The art canvases work. But the hospital is opposite a fantastic Victorian era cemetry, railing and all and their is a stone masons the very next door. Definitely all facilities in one place!
So for a place which has a reputation for all things head.. no Head and Neck Consultant was available to discuss my medicines.. How odd.?
Went on about cranial crushing pain..as they said no head and neck people there.. Truth is these Consultants don’t do shit outside there time..under new working hours directives and so forth..also if dont get paid for extra hours…etc.. Bored myself talking about it..and decided to go home and self medicate after waiting an hour in A&E for advice.. Perhaps need a good old rest and recover.
Oh I did use the fuck word to the dentist..after two hours wait to re-emphasize my concern…about delays re the missing scan!! no difference..Apologised.who told me emphatically that the two probs i have are no way linked. Well till bullshit..Face teeth jaw skull nerves pain and spasming…I am waiting for the ORO Facial person to tell me there interactions of two pathologies in my head are and how they are linked. Perhaps i go on? Cause and effect.. the teeth.,jaw so I am told are 50% of the pain..but the Surgeon.. the dentist disagrees. My advice take no notice of any of them.
Point one of Disatisfaction..“People as machines”
The human body is looked at as a machine.. Distress anxiety and explanations are supposed to be absorbed by the doctors manner of enquiry and interview.. to grasp the very real experience the person is conditioned into. Well they think inside the box, what they are taught and are not Open minded.. in any way. Procedure procedure.. I suppose they need rules to cope with the masses of population. Paul decided that if the many people who waste the NHS time actually fucked off. the real hypochondriacs then perhaps the approach of the doctor patient relationship could be improved.
I didn’t know people wasted the NHS time. Well on my visits around the block, cancelled pain clinic appointments, lost files, duplication of resources..like today, (where my xrays could have been couriered over.. oh yes the notes went missing):…Well treating numerous alcoholics at over £1000 pounds plus a day if not more..whom i have seen and spoken too, well may I suggest there are people yes patients? wasting NHS resources, the systems inside it too and the way the medics here deal with people…missing the purpose of what should be patient centric service but is not… conveyor belt medicine. I spent yesterday on the phone to spoon feed different departments between two hospitals to communicate and identify me! Are you a patient a person or a piece of anatomy…is my point and do “they” actually listen?
Point Two of Disatisfaction…Freedom to criticise and say what’s what!
Today you are not allowed to say anything which might be offensive or whatever. The Comedy on the BBC is tightening its rules on swearing and hard topics and challenging material. Paul reckons that to offer such as an opinion about heavy smokers and alcoholics or people who cannot stop eating themselves to death..ilnnesses yes..but to make such a comment as they are less worthy than anybody else..maybe political incorrect and wrong but worth a debate. As is people enduring extreme pain.. without a true euthansaia debate.. for another time..This just can be debated freely. See Quality of life later.. the purpose of this comment.
Point Three of Disatisfaction….Health Self Responsibility
Well i have thought the same about voicing opinions and not forming bigotted views but rational arguments and don’t know if my reasoning is correct. But I am angry and frustrated inside bout things hence this rant. I do not know how to work this System..nor does it! Some do…the well financed upper icome middle class, but resources are limited..and I have had to wait my turn as is reasonable. So to comment on the rights and wrongs of things. Well outside I was looking at a women in a wheelchair with not throat or voice box having a cigarette in hospital clothing..well i dont blame her.. the damage is done. But there is a notion of responsibility about ones care for one’s health. Self responsibilty. Resources spent on people who mentally cannot give responsibility to their health. Perhaps they are victims of modern society and in truth.. i begrudge anybody treatment. There is an argument here. For those who can be fixed and are otherwise well, get them sorted and economically active again and contributing. Form those with lost perspective ..who knows? The desire for re-achieving good heath must be taken into account, in the consideration of resources spent on someone..as well as clinical outcome.. but is not politically correct. You never know the true decision making process, and politics behind this medical establishment. Agendas and so forth..They stick together like glue…Even Patient Organisations are party to power fixes..and status…
Point of Disatisfaction Four….Transparency and priorities in services
Perhaps being tired… i made this outrageous assertion to highlight a point. I don’t know if it true or not..since i was not party to the converstion. A friend of mine is a mental health social worker, who’s gay partner apparently helps paraplegic and seriously disabled people…“couple together” these folk when whey want to have sex. True or not but if limbless maybe one does need help to move and fuck. The joke could be about being hoisted into place..not polite but..this is where I am going.. I was making fun of the job description. not the disabled people..for a start! satire….but disabled folk have a self depricating sense of humor and so forth.. who deosn’t! and I ridiculed perhaps unfairly that maybe you can get a sex allowance through some disability form or allowance to satisfy your sexual needs as art of family planning and for psychological good health. Well my experience is that the State does not give out anything, not such thing as a free lunch!
I think i was being ironic about disability services, the way services are given and the
the way personal needs care and services are distributed. The only hoist i need is a trapeze and somewhere soft and gorgeous to land in/on! A sex allowance…mmm being silly! A political campaigning manifesto…To work on! The point is when you have been fucked over by paralyzing pain for seven hours as on Friday (and will be buggered tommorrow morning as per usual).. had to get the doctor up…..to get a little assistance without relying on friends and family would be nice..And a free fuck hoist! sorry trapezium..could wait till later…but high on the agenda!
Point of Disatisfaction Five… Status of Power and those in power being accountable
Too, some people can milk the system. , but we have daily scallies who play the system for cash..claiming disability..when able..one ass ran, yes taught a dance class for jive and the lindi hop!. To mention disatisfaction and not to cause offence to any people..about injustice and so forth, one has to be extremely careful to what one says, and tread carefully. We have this great notion from all political parties that the workers in the NHS are angels…Social Services too.. Time after time none communicate and the Baby P tragedies happen. No one takes responsibility or is ever culpable.
Well we are spending billions and billions, more in the good years £120 Billion on the NHS.. 1/3 of GDP in the good years..significant amounts of the money going to GPs salaries to £200k year.. There is visibly any more productivity…To criticise the system is wrong and you cannot do it. They are put on a pedastool but this whole p.c adolation things is flawed. Tougher words need to be said, for real change to be made and wasted money being accounted for and useless systems exposed as a waste to the public purse. And ministers/people prosecuted for wrong decision making and made accountable for the wasted £12 billion for example on the NHS computer system scrapped. Doctors are not accountable.. only to the GMC their peers..another British old boys club full of farts and self interest. In criticising the GP, the GP patient relationship is broken, the trust is gone and you are left standing…you have to bite your tongue and play fiddle.
I have spoken to other GPs on this…and the processes and delays i have had to endure are wrong if not scandalous.. but you can’t do anything about it. I feel vindicated though. So point is…where is patient power…???
Medical establishment loves its power.. and to me. ..well to be blunt once these folk get passed the notion of the abstract that is they are part of the wonder healing/realms of God given powers over life and death and healing?… well they just don’t know the value of people in society and have any notion of what human life means. Or the knock on effects of their “decisions”..Not intentional or out of malice but true. Quite simply they care to a point…Something is wrong here.
I have spent two years experiencing this notion. You cannot in essence say to your Doctor you got it wrong..I have heard "well the world isn’t perfect as one justification and acknowlegment that he got something critical wrong..ie managing pain control and urgency in referring me.. delays and delays…If you fall out with them your port of call to the NHS is curtailed.. this relationship is biased to the GP. He/she knows best..end of. They manage risk and critical issues and should be up to the job….
Well my comment is that the UK medical service is flawed, no political party knows what to do with it..it is injustice under this postcode lottery for drugs.. and this notion of waiting lists and the involvement of your GP to prioritise and get involved as his/her responsibility..“well you have more time than me” when trying to find a consultant for my speciality.. No concern no wish to take on anytime involving complexity, application or real interest..well they are paid enough GP’s and work a four day week. It is this notion of thinking outside the box..I had to persistently say when told there was nothing that could be done.. to find and create options through that old adage..Necessity is the mother of invention!"
To end this…and move on to more things passion about…the total disbelief I felt.. which sums up the imortance of full disclosure of information and services and so forth..was when I found out about this Centre for this condition. " Are you wanted a high tech referral did you"..Well obviously….so ? I have been wasting my time on lesser treatments, brushed off with counseling first, then a pain clinic, and now some real investigations. Real investigstions are high tech.. fuck me..you’d expect that from the off. The same sort of thing when I had PTSD..do some painting? Not a list of therapies for a traumatic life experience illness. I paid out of pocket..got the job done..no concern, no intersest, and yes i admit..prett nasty being left to sort that one out! So your doctor is a finance man vs clinical need.. strike a balance and see what you can get away with. Symptom investigation a thing of yesterday, symptom repression easier and cheaper. probably to save money…I did the digging and found a new bone of disatisfaction.. but enough of this. Churning over old shit..there is worse …….
Point of Disatisfaction Six.. the UK and its freedoms
There is definitely a self censorship on true expression on the tv channels at the moment…an over reaction to the Johnathon Ross affair and like Joan Rivers being warned three times by ITV to limit her edgey material. She quotes the UK as being tougher on edgey material than the US.
So I used the fuck word to say i wanted this scan yesterday and have been waiting months, to express passionately the pressing need for it. This scan a GP can’t directly organise it, the A and E don’t either, the Surgeon agreed 10 weeks ago..is unavailable the neurologist October 2008 view dismissed for the same scan.I see a dentist and not a Consultant today. My words to deaf ears again . Bothered.. no not really. So simple but like following the end of a rainbow. No urgency for MRI apparently..only if you got cancer! Well I take Cancer pain killers…any help!
But the point about saying what you think. You can causes offence quite easily..is there a platform for free thinking and debate…There is rightly protection for discriminated minorities.
Point of Disatisfaction Seven…. Polarisation of groups, a united Vision.. A Nation’s..“aura/energy” or “sense of wellbeing” as a vibrant conceptual entity with vitality.. The spirit of the nation?
Well getting into Tooting with a multi cultural populus was a damn great break as I used to live in London.. away from the ubber wealthy, white enclave of commuters where i currently am, Supposedly the third most wealthy part of the country. I live at the cheap end of town! Bohemian style in a Georgian cottage.
There is definitely a polarisation of communities from what i see in the UK …which I can only deduce gives the impression people are not pulling in the same direction. This has changed for the worst in the last 15 years. I believe too there is a concept called a “national pain body”… the Germans had it after their Nazi past.. other countries through their historical experiences and tragedies of nature or conflict. Races too for obvious historical reasons.The point is the UK post recession does not know where it is going. I do not feel a sense of optimism, excitement and the very freedoms we used to have. Perhaps this country has a pain body?..too pretending to be punching above its weight in the world..without the resources to do it. and where the majority of individual and society does not really have a national sense of pride. Supporting the football team is not what I mean! Even they can’t gel! Individual skill, some great moments …in fact a delusion of ability.. a pretence of where we think we should be ..winning the World Cup..top of the pile..but blatently a dream.. and to still believe this is exactly the point.. wanting greatness, success without any real right to earn or claim it….
There are the folks of Wotton Bassett who come out regularly to show their respect to the fallen soldiers in Afghanistan.. markiung the streets in genuine mourning and acknowledgement of young men and women who have given their lives for their political masters. (This is a contrast to the death of Diana where much of the public morning a minority yes, which was manufactured by the media into a frenzy of yes being being coaxed. under the news headlines.. an outpouring of grief….see Messaging and Free Thought later)
Before i lose focus…I believe the UK does not know its position in the world, is totally unable to political form a vision..and continually reacts to events and does not follow its own direct path with common united purpose. Cultural fragmented as said earlier.
There is not cohesion in this direction. Re the pain body the nostalgia I was talking earlier about.. the 60’s the 70’s the 80’s..the free thinking previous generations, breaking with the austerity of and post war… of “free love”!. “so called equality” “libertion” “feminism,” culture diversity and experimentation and incredible passion and freedom of ideas form its youth. To say fuck to the previous generation! A real threat
to civility, morality as it was called by the establshment. Reptition of history..
The youth a group in its own right is polarised too. So we have a non cohesive populus and political establishment.. Not forward thinking or united…and the vast majority of people get buy… others the smaller wealthier enjoy. My sister when she gets of the plane here from Japan… really dislikes the place ..even with many many friends here.. She has lived abroad since 94.. Without thinking the grass is greener in other places….this feeling of a nation’ expectancy and ambition seems to me missing..as both of us observe. It might not be a pain body..well past the great imperial age ending what 1910..but you get a sense, a feeling when you go around. I was hoping post election.. for this optimism to return. What am i saying…I think we need a hard reality check and really look at aspects of our lives..for all..I may have learched in to one earlier rant but it is about the next disatisfaction.
*Dissatisfaction Eight …Quality of Life…I’ll try and keep going! which is this dissatisfaction i have been going on about, which underpinns the above and daily life experience.. Well it is about quality of life. I think there are ten distinct variabls about family, healthcare , wealth, equality, time, etc etc.
Well me and my mate Paul waffled there and back..not a negative view but the experience i get from this country on quality of life issues which i find hard to understand..There is definitely a point here where many factors..which make things difficult…To me well the UK rates 30th with Slovenia for QOL factors and for a rich country this speaks volumes. Perhaps am tired but if you look at cost of living healthcare time with family, the rat race, the sense of community and so forth..bloody traffic regulations, enforcement of petty Statutory Penalties.We genuinely do suffer from a total lack of space in the south east.. and this cannot be underestimated. And taxed to the hilt..you get fuck all for £20 quid.
Point of Disatisfaction Nine…The media..how we are messaged upon..
and a lack of free thinking. I have no intention to live with new technological gadgets and be satisfied or have the latest car or the house with the extra bedroom..Of no interest..Live by adequate means..Keep myself afloat but to work to the bone on paying for a larger house…over priced, sorry valued.. balls to it! As Paul said..each of use are mimutae in the scheme of things…perhaps few of us have original thoughts and many do make a difference to other people’s lives..end of the day seven years after you are dead..you are forgotten by name and in conversations.. maybe visited annually.. in the Tooting Cemetry!
Put up or shut up Tim..perhaps my utopia doesn’t exist but i have spoken to folks in France who relocated and they are delighted at the positive changes, they have made. A real real difference to their lives…so perhaps i’m objective in this.
Start afresh….outdoors nature the sun and a sense of freedom and long horizons!. Less organisations and overburdened rules this society is governed by…and a sense of space….oh i can crap on!! now for a silk cut! hypoctite. Anyway hopefully a place that is not over developed.. overconceived..I detest sanitised, clinical spaces…also being contentious this Americsnisation of well over made up, skinny to the bone women and falsely morphed male conditioned bodies, even worse! plastic smiles and alike ..false glamour imagery, the airbrush, the appearanace of beauty as blemish free and symmetrical..=yeuk tis not attractive nor natural. This is where I live…botox central.. no not really but people with real money privilege who simply do not know what else to spend it on! Not the politics of envy at all.. but another daily experience which one encounters…for which is artifical to me…
And hopefully escape my undesired dependence and reliance of people in authority who get on my tits, dont listen and who love power..meet the open-minded…but really to become self sufficient.. nuckle down to work, entrepreneurship and fine time and space to make a contribution here there and anywhere…where there are values and is truth…and enjoy the simple things.
Point of Disatisfaction Ten…..The Next Generation and how it will adjust
Have we not evolved enough..in evolution terms for the next phase of the modern world. Stories of rational people being driven over the brink…hopefully around the corner or whatever could be next will be a sense of order, happiness and a reachable attainement of aspiration and so forth. Bored myself…
Point of Disatisfaction Eleven…Real Longlasting Cultural influences on the kids
Real non technological experiences interactions and so forth. Stop watching the world and partake in it away from the VDU. One has become person centric because of technology….me too blogging about the health crap..well I am trying to make a point of systems and processes…When I had lunch the other day and my best mate kept looiking at his Blackberry…obviously a tool for self importance and dysfunctional thinking…I thought what the hell is this. Put it away..
Point of Disatifaction Twelve Banish Celebrity Culture
and why people read about Jordan for example in droves and buy Hello and Ok magazine* Perhaps I dont like fun..
perhaps..the significance of Celebrity is over bearing and folk should not to be lead into such driveland and manipulated.. Well that’s there choice and not my concern.Tis not a paranoid against the world rant..but there’s something wrong with this compulsion to see how the so called great live..the inside story…what does this infer…to marvel at .. be curious of , to aspire to, to amuse oneself, to escape into a world of glamour and dreams,… Pick up a fucking book…..not a iPad!
The Grumpy Old Man….Probably born at the wrong time and the wrong place..an old soul so i’m told..who knows…
POINT OF SATISFACTION Thirteen……to find my own Paris…..end of..