Some things I have learnt since being alive
There are few opportunities that arise in regular life in which one may express their small portions of earnt wisdom to others. I think these opportunities are usually self-made – people go on these talking tours around the world, or convince wealthy people they ought to have their own television show, and then go and make it. Some people just up and write books. I, on the other hand, am HUMBLE and lacking in self-confidence (despite the tone of my current writing), so I’m just going to write my thoughts here in a redbubble journal entry.
My disclaimer is this: that no sooner do I utter what I believe to be a truth do I realise it no longer is. I was looking through a book of Diane Arbus’s photography in high school, and I came across something she said that went along the lines of “I used to think that once I said something it was no longer true.” Well, Diane was evidently more highly evolved than me, because this is something I still believe, and have always believed, and was so shaken by discovering somebody else shared this notion, that I now wonder is it part of the common human experience?
My theory is this: that vocalising is always the final act in the process of – whatever – for me, and to speak means I have come to some sort of a conclusion. So after speaking, I unconsciously move on. Diane Arbus, however, was a photographer, and photographs are a constant, the elements in the photograph do not change, and so the truths within the photograph cannot be changed or forgotten. Perhaps when she thought that things were no longer true once she said them, she was not yet a photographer. I cannot say for certain anything more, because I didn’t read on from that quote, it just popped disembodied out from the book as I turned the pages.
That is the end of my disclaimer. The purpose of this journal entry is: satisfying curiosity. It is all an experiment, and that includes my curiosity regarding what your thoughts may be, what your own wisdom is, and what I will think of this when I read over it in a year’s time in a moment of self-reflection/flagellation.
So, now: onto the things I have learnt, in no particular order of importance or timing or anything.
Laziness is not interesting.
People are not interested in laziness. People do not feel good about laziness, and people are interested in things that make them feel good. People also do not like to talk much about their laziness – the bottom line is always that they couldn’t be bothered. No further questions. No further comment. I believe this is the underlying reason why laziness is not interesting.
In a relationship in which there is a larger-than-usual age gap and both people are under the age of fifty, it will become a problem at some stage and this is why: if the young person fucks up in some way, it will come down to naivete – immaturity through lack of experience. If the older person fucks up, it is because of their poor character. Even if this is not the case in both instances, it will sure as hell be argued. This isn’t to suggest that relationships with a big age gap aren’t worth it, because this problem can be dealt with good communication, humility and empathy, and so on, but it is just something to keep in mind.
Attractive people will make more of an effort than unattractive people to prove they are interesting or competent in other areas.
I think attractive people have a deeper inferiority complex in regards to their personality/cleverness/talents than unattractive people. Attractive people sometimes display needy behaviour because they are suspicious that people only like them because they are attractive, and so they strive harder to gain attention and respect in other areas of their life. This ambition eventually works in their favour, because not only are they attractive, but they’re also really good at doing what they’re doing, (Unless they slack off and roll with the free lunches that come from being beautiful in the first place!) Although, I would say that attractive people ought to do themselves a favour by chilling out a bit, and that goes to those jealous of them too.
Intelligence should not be measured by how articulate a person is.
Sometimes people who can articulate their thoughts and feelings well have an advantage over those who cannot, because they can more easily make themselves understood to other people. This makes the person who is not so good at articulating themselves appear like a mumbling, bumbling fool by comparison. “That mumbling, bumbling fool,” one may say, “I never know what he’s on about!” This is sad.
Sometimes articulate people create illusions – they know how to put a positive spin on things, they know what to leave out, and somebody who can speak so well obviously knows what they are talking about! But it is only execution. It is tarting up. And sometimes, it can flat out manipulation! My advice is!: always make a conscious effort to read between the lines. :)
Learn how to be sad.
Everybody gets sad. Everybody is free to feel sad. Sadness needs to be dealt with properly in order to avoid it mutating into something else like anger or anxiety or depression. One of the best things to do when you feel sad is cry. The quicker you can cry, the quicker you can stop feeling sad. It is also good to write down honest thoughts and feelings when you are sad. The more purging, the better. I have not mastered feeling sad yet, but these things work well for me. I think dealing with your sadness might be about living your sadness – not trying to postpone it, and not concentrating on it too much – just sort of letting it run its natural course with you.
People who live to a set of principles or morals are easier to have relationships with. People like this have integrity, and people with integrity are easier to trust, and trust is important if you want to develop a close bond with somebody. People with principles have boundaries and boundaries are easy to understand because they are conceptually black and white. You know where you stand, etc. All of these things contribute to a feeling of easiness with a person.
At the same time, sometimes good old fashioned loyalty does the trick – depending on the circumstances – just knowing a friend/partner is willing to ride it out with you, whatever it is, may be all you need.
Nothing good ever comes from exaggerating the truth.
Older people who automatically assume you need their advice are not wise enough to be giving it.
These people are usually experiencing their first really comfortable time in their life. They’ve got it all going on. They have reached a level of certain authority having been young once themselves, and now, a little more advanced in years, hold the benefit of hindsight and a nice bundle of rewards for their labour in the mode of a car or a child or a mortgage or a fulltime job, etc. They remember when they were your age, but they’re over that now. Life is different – it’s hard. Why shouldn’t everybody listen to their advice?
...
(Feel free to call me a hyopcrit if you like).
Physical exercise is just as important as eating, sleeping, drinking and having shelter. The body is not designed to be an eating/shitting machine, so if it is not used for other purposes such as walking or manipulating the stairmaster, it becomes stagnate and useless. Because the mind and the body iare connected, the junkiness of the body infiltrates the mind and the emotions, and we start to feel like, and believe, that we are useless blobs. This can lead to excessive consumption of food, and the human body grows and grows and grows until, years later, the body may be seen on American talkshows, weeping and wobbling over the state of itself.
People struggle to have compassion for obese people because obesity is usually self-inflicted and manifests itself as laziness which, as mentioned earlier, nobody thinks is interesting. Inertia is a bad habit to form, and, unfortunately, habits are too easy to form.
The benefits of physical exercise are too numerous to mention in my ‘wisdom journal’.
Happiness is worth the effort and should be a top, if not number one, priority.
If you are not happy, you will eventually lose the will to live, and it is difficult to live under such circumstances. How do you live if you do not see the purpose or the meaning to it? Everybody is vulnerable to this disposition, so I think it is better to focus on being happy and finding ways to feel happy. When you feel happy, the purpose and meaning of life is a mystery, and it is this mystery that is inspiring.
Relationships should be empowering. Sometimes it is better to have only one or two good friendships, than twelve of-average-quality friendships, because your average friends may bring you down, and you will know if they do because, after spending time with them, you will feel exhausted and weary and maybe even feel like crying.
Your instincts are always right and you will benefit from honing your instinct-perception skills.
This is why there are still people walking around instead of cyborgs, because people still function well enough as they are.
Sometimes bitching about stuff sounds good, but after a while, you start to notice there is no sense or consistency to the bitching, and that perhaps whoever is doing all this bitching has an inferiority complex. My advice is: don’t jump on the bandwagon just for the hell of it! These people can be drain-o’s.
Ok! Well, that’s all I can think of for now.
Love,
Tammy.
itsnoteasy
I think those are some good perceptions! For me, when something stops being true because I’ve vocalised them, it’s because when I’ve discovered this truth it might be something genuine I’ve discovered, but by saying it out lout it’s like saying, “This is true for all circumstances/people/times” when most of the time, it really isn’t, and the moment I say it, I think of all the times and reasons it isn’t true. At the time I thought of it it was true because, at that time, it wasn’t completely defined, but by saying it you’re making it black and white, which nothing ever is.
My thoughts on your wisdom:
Laziness is not interesting: Agreed, although sometimes I see people try and play the one-up game (I’ve spoken to you about one-upness before) about their personality flaws, and laziness applies here. I don’t think it’s necessarily that they’re proud of it, I think maybe it’s one way of acknowledging their flaws without sounding whiney or depressed about it, so they turn it into a game.
In a relationship in which there is a larger-than-usual age gap and both people are under the age of fifty, it will become a problem at some stage and this is why: This is something I’ve considered, too! My line of thought was not that either of them necessarily have to screw up for a problem to arise, but that there would be feelings of inadequacy on both sides. The younger would feel inadequate because they might think that they are not meeting the older in terms of emotional and, perhaps intellectual, maturity that they think the older might expect in a muture relationship. The older will feel inadequate because they might feel that they are not meeting the younger in the energy and exuberance that the younger have, that they might be bogging the younger down and holding the younger back, and as a result, both parties might pretend to be people that they are not, where the younger is pretending to me more mature when he/she is struggling with it and the older is pretending to be more youthful, when in truth, if such a relationship arises, it is probably because of the characteristics of their ages being the reason they were attracted to each other in the first place. This isn’t something I’ve noticed from personal experience, just how I imagine it panning out in my head, so I could be way off. I think that there would have to be an agreement made that neither should feel expected to, nor be made to feel bad for, acting their own ages, and probably maturity in the younger and exuberance in the older will come out, anyway, when they feel comfortable being themselves and not trying to force it.
Attractive people will make more of an effort than unattractive people to prove they are interesting or competent in other areas: This is not something I’ve considered but I suspect you could be right. It is certainly very logical.
Intelligence should not be measured by how articulate a person is: I think this is something I should reflect, myself! I thank you for imparting this piece of wisdom to me!
Learn how to be sad: This is something I’ve wondered, too. I remember thinking that if someone is happy all the time and never sad, not artificially happy with drugs or self-denial, but simply not sad, that whenever a circumstance comes up that might give them reason to be sad a magic hand comes down and fixes everything, even sadness that comes about by being bored, that if you’re bored the magic hand comes down and gives you an exciting vacation, that if they would be missing out on something that as a human, they might actually need? I asked mum this once and she thought I was takling about self-denial, but I was talking about an impossible situation that could only exist with this magic-godlike hand at your beck and call. I thought that maybe if a person never gets the opportunity to experience sadness, can they really experience fulfillment? I was thinking about it in terms that in today’s society, everything has to be “safe”, that if something bad ever happens, that gives a person grounds to sue someone, that we try so hard to protect us from any possible random act of nature, that I wonder if we are taking away from the experience of being human? I think the bible talks about this, too, that one cannot develop character without having experienced trials and tribulations and I’ve been reading a book lately that the old biblical traditions of self-imposed deprivation, such as fasting, that part of that is actually designed to allow a person to gain that character even when their life is going well.
People who live to a set of principles or morals are easier to have relationships with: I’ve found that I can never feel comfortable around someone who does not have clear boundaries. I find that such people also do not respect your own boundaries. Perhaps it is not their fault, if they do not understand boundaries, but you’re right about boundaries.
Nothing good ever comes from exaggerating the truth: Agreed. I think truth gets exaggerated naturally even without people intending it to be that way and that is the natural evolution of the journey of anecdotes, but when someone does it on purpose for the intention of making themselves more interesting or impressive, then it just ruins it. I have a friend who ALWAYS exaggerates the story. I am a story-writer and when something happens that is interesting enough to be worth sharing, I try and organise it in my head that would be the best way to tell it that is as true to the situation as possible. My friend’s techinque, however, is to make everything bigger and larger and stupider and less believable as possible, and I think she completely ruins the story altogether. And not just for the sake of integrity of the stories is this true as, what you were probably trying to get at is that people just get themselves in trouble and in trying to seem more impressive, the end result is always that they just seem more foolish.
Older people who automatically assume you need their advice are not wise enough to be giving it:
Ugh! Absolutely. I have experienced this personally and I know a couple of people in the generation above me who try to lecture me on the wisdom they’ve learned and try to tell me the importance of it, and then when I nod my head and agree, they assume that I haven’t really quite grasped their meaning and try to convince me further, when most of the time, it is something I worked out when I was twelve. Not saying that there isn’t wisdom that I need to learn, but one of my Aunts, for example, instead of assuming what I don’t know, actually listens to me when I talk to her about my life, sees me as I am as an individual instead of seeing my age, and the advice she gives me is always relevant and helpful. I think some adults, even when they think they’ve worked me out and sees me as a person, still makes assumptions about me and categorises certain personality traits into boxes, and sees that if I have this trait, I must have that trait as well, and so gives me advice based on the trait they think I have instead of the trait they observe that I have. This is why I love my Aunt, the one who I think actually listens to me and knows me. I think she is the only one from the above generation who I feel comfortable expressing myself honestly to. Apart from my parents, who I think know me, but being my parents, don’t feel the need to “impart words of wisdom” to me.
Physical exercise is just as important as eating, sleeping, drinking and having shelter: I think physical health is important, but I have to admit that I do not put it as a priority :) On the topic of obeisity, however, this reminds me of a sermon I heard that was on the topic of body-image. The priest talked about the sin of gluttony, and how people associate that with being fat, but then made the point that those two are different things. He showed a picture that was a representation of the Christ being obese, made the observation that many of us would feel scandalised and horrified at that image, of having the one we respect of the terrible sin of being fat, then asked us why do we feel so horrified by the image? If Jesus was fat, would he not have been able to do the things he did while he was on Earth? And he talked about the definition of gluttony, which was a pre-occupation with food. This is not the same as being fat and that, in fact, by that definition, eating disorders such as bulemia and anorexica would fit into the definition of gluttony, (and then went on to acknowledge how difficult such things are to overcome and that he would have materials to help anyone struggling with such a issues to see him so he can refer them to resources to help them overcome it.) You’re right, though, that the mind and body are connected and that a sharp body also means a sharp mind, but I think it’s important to fight against the assumption that fat people are lazy and/or greedy, especially when we don’t know anything about their lives and why they are that way, and to not discount the things they may have to offer as a person just because of their physical flaw which may or may not have come about from a personality flaw.
Happiness is worth the effort and should be a top, if not number one, priority: Happiness, I think, what everyone strives for in life but someone made the observation to me, once, that pursuing happiness for happiness’ sake rarely results in happiness; rather, happiness is a by-product that occurs when your mind is accomplishing something else. I think the reason for this is that humans aren’t very good at knowing what makes them happy; for example, people think money will make them happy so in the pursuit for happiness, they try and get rich, when in fact maybe what they should have been doing to find happiness is giving their money to the poor.
Relationships should be empowering: I think so, too.
Your instincts are always right and you will benefit from honing your instinct-perception skills: I think that there is definately value in listening to your instincts, and I think the more you understand your instincts, the better. I think people should pay attention to their instincts, but not just stop there, try and understand why it is that the instincts are telling you what they are telling you, and I think it will make you better at making good decisions.
thepalms
Hey Naomi, thanks for so thoroughly commenting on my journal! You said some really interesting things there. What you said about the fat thing, regarding gluttony and obesity… that’s interesting. After writing this, I was left wondering, “Hm… I think I came across a bit insensitive in parts there” because I couldn’t be bothered going into reasons why people may be overweight and stuff, however, I do think many people do make those assumptions about overweight people, and I think from an alien’s perspective (not that we are aliens, a-hem) if an alien were watching Oprah, for example, and saw an obese person on the screen crying about how they wish they could find clothes that fit and that people would find them attractive, etc, it would appear almost illogical. I think a lot of people can only be bothered enough having alien-type perspectives on the lives of others.
I like this: that pursuing happiness for happiness’ sake rarely results in happiness; rather, happiness is a by-product that occurs when your mind is accomplishing something else. I think the reason for this is that humans aren’t very good at knowing what makes them happy.
^ I haven’t really thought of that before, that humans aren’t very good at knowing what makes them happy. I think happiness, like, immediate happiness, not the ‘cotentment’, resounding kind of happiness, s related to play… whatever that may be – listening to music, dancing, exercise, writing, having sex, etc etc. The term I heard for it is ‘flow’, and it is where the mind and the body are equally stimulated enough that one loses track of time while they are doing the activity. Different people achieve ‘flow’ in different ways, and some fall into it more easily than others. But apparently those who fall into ‘flow’ easier than others, are generally happier people.
The idea of the magic hand… whether if by whatever enormous life powers a person never experiences pain or discomfort, if they are living a full life – I don’t think I can make up my mind on that one. Perhaps it is similar to the death of a child – maybe in their short life, the child never experienced any suffering by virtue of the fact they never lived long enough to, would we say that is an incomplete life? I think most people would see it as a blessing the child was happy and free from suffering for the short time it was here on earth. Do you think that relates much to the magic-hand scenario?
With the intelligence/articulateness thing… I’ve just found that a lot of times I have been very lured by people who are well-spoken. But these people are not necessarily wiser or smarter or maturer just because they can speak well. Some people seem to think words are louder than actions. If their words don’t match up to their actions, then who cares about their words! Also, I have heard people who can’t speak English very well say profound things too. There is also the wisdom, or whatever you could call it, of people who are emotionally-intelligent, and I think high emotional intelligence is a good sign of maturity. There are a lot of emotionally intelligent people out there who don’t speak like an ‘intelligent’ person… ya know?
itsnoteasy
Well, I’ve known enough fat people who aren’t lazy or greedy but still are fat. My mum, for example, is overweight and she’s not lazy or greedy at all. She used to work in an office, though, where, although she worked very hard, she worked sitting down at a computer. It took up a lot of her time and when she got home, she was so tired, she didn’t have the energy to do more physical things because she had been working so hard all day. She’s not greedy, either, and goes out of her way to buy healthy, organic foods, and even is willing to spend a bit more money for good food, although many people in offices are often obliged to take clients out for lunch etc. on a regular basis, which would contribute to their weight. Anyway, since then, mum’s semi-retired from work and since she has, she’s found a lot more energy to do work around the house and in the garden and is losing weight and she also says she’s a lot happier, which is what you say about taking care of your body being as important as the rest of it, but you can’t always blame them for it. If a child in a developing country has no shelter or food, you can’t say, “Well, she just doesn’t have the self-discipline.” There are also people who take medication because of depression or some health thing they have that they have no control over, and one of the side effects of the medication is that they put on weight, and sometimes it can go in a vicious cycle where the health problem they have gets worse because they’re putting on weight, and so they need to take more medication, which means they put on weight, which means they need to take more medication. Of course there are the people who just lack self-discipline, too, but you can’t tell for what reasons a person is fat just by looking at them.
Hm… perhaps you’re right about the magic hand. I think of a child who dies young and happy, who never gets the opportunity to experience tragedy or sadness besides their death, and I think that their life and experiences were just as valid as someone who had lived longer. From a child I think that, but can you imagine an adult who has never experienced anything bad in their life? Would they experience empathy? I suppose, like the child, their life and experiences were also as valid as anyone else who existed, but… just typing this, maybe the difference is that the child was a child. A child can get away with being a certain way because they are a child, but by a certain age, people expect them to be an adult. Not a “grown-up”, I think if you can grow up and still retain that aspect of your childhood, you’ve retained something valuable, but that level of maturity that is expected from an adult. Maybe. I don’t know. I mean, that adult’s experiences would still be valid, but they may not get that chance to mature and be an adult? Maybe they don’t need to. I think of someone with Down’s Syndrome, and apparently people with Down’s Syndrome are very happy people who bring a lot of joy to other people’s lives.
It’s something for both of us to think about and consider, I think.
thepalms
You’re right about the overweight thing there… I suppose I wasn’t thorough enough about the exercise thing – it’s something I’ve decided to tell myself so that I’ll keep active on some level, because every time I take up exercising again, I feel so much better, and I think, ‘Why isn’t this always a priority for me?’ I think everybody benefits from exercise, but it is not realistically as essential as food, water and shelter. I mean, Stephen Hawking, for example, and other people who are disabled, live rich and fulfilling lives without exercise! The other thing is, people are not lazy because they are horrible people, I know there are often a lot of underlying issues that cause somebody to become lazy, as in, demotivated – ya know, depression, stress, exhaustion, etc. It’s really only a very small minority of people who are the true gluttonous, greedy people that give overweight people a bad name!
I wiill be thinking about the magic hand ocncept for a while, I reckon. It’s a very interesting idea. I’ve never thought about the idea of a life without suffering in that way before, like, if it literally, really DID happen to somebody. I think that even if somebody has only ever experienced happiness and joy, that they would have empathy for others by wishing others could feel happiness and joy as well. If the magic-hand person saw another person suffering, I’m sure they would still be able to understand that they too have the potential to experience a similar situation, even if they never have. Do you think so? It must be an instinctual thing, I’m sure, to recognise suffering in others, without necessarily having had experienced that same suffering?
itsnoteasy
Well, you see, I suppose if someone with empathy witnessed suffering that would add to their own suffering, whether it made them uncomfortable, whether it made them sad, whether it made them guilty or frustrated because they, themselves, live such a good life in comparison. So that magic hand would have to stop that other people’s suffering in order to stop the first person suffering. Which might seem like a good thing, but then is that even life? How do we learn about cause and effect? About consequences? It wouldn’t be life as we know it today. It kind of reminds me of this book I read (well, listened to an audiobook) once, where these “guardian angels” which are basically the descendants of these people who had psychic powers, had built their entire society around stopping every other culture and society that they had influence over that didn’t have their powers from experiencing bad things. They could use their powers to heal somebody, for example, and so nobody ever died except of old age. Even then, they could alter the minds of those people so that when an elderly person died, they would put them in a state where they weren’t really aware of what they were doing to make them bury the elderly, and then alter their memories so that they remember mourning their loved ones many, many years ago and so are at teh point where they’ve already accepted the loss and never really actually have to experience it first hand, and so the closest thing they had was just the memory, which was, itself, false. Anyway, these guardian angels had the best of intentions, but when they discovered the cryogenic chamber of their common ancestor (who they had worshipped as a god) they recovered him (his powers were never so powerful as their powers had increased because of breeding) he was horrified by what they had done, by the experiences they had deprived others of feeling. they were so mortified by his condemnation that they destroyed themselves, leaving the worlds they were watching over finally experiencing pain and loss and grief for the first time without any guidance.
And actually, talking about that reminds me of a few star trek episodes where Captain Kirk comes across a primitive society ruled over by a mechanical god which deprives its citizens (who are child-like, again making me wonder if such an existence stops people from reaching mental and emotional maturity and links to your observation of a child who dies young) of any suffering or need, and in return, they do everything the mechanical god tells it to do, but the mechanical god only tells it to do things which are in their best interest, and the people do so with willing obedience. Yet Kirk is determined to destroy the basis of their society because of their lack of freedom and lack of any sort of progress. And my brother and sister and I like to snort and Captain Kirk’s arrogance at his need to judge and destroy perfectly happy societies with zero per cent crime rate and with perfectly happy citizens(there is more than one episode like this) in the name of his idea of freedom, (and I do still think Captain Kirk is arrogant) but one of the things that Star Trek does so well is to deal with such philosophical questions.
Also, I am reminded of the lotus fruit in ancient greek myth (so the philosophers have considered this even back then) where those that eat it have not a care in the world. This would relate more to do with drug-induced happiness, except taht unlike drugs of today, the only negative consequence is taht you don’t want to leave the island where the fruit grows. I suppose addiction would be a consequence, but since there’s an infinite supply of the fruit that is always available, that isn’t really an issue. And yet the story is told as one of danger and warning, as something that, as humanity, perhaps is best to avoid.