My thoughts are abstract, as I sink into my bed.
Undwinding rapidly,colliding with dormant feelings that awaken and take on a life of their own.
Today,I sorted pictures.I went trhough old boxes.
My brother’s picture.
Sad ,wasted, eyes behind a faltering smile.
My beloved broken brother
I dreamed of him last night. We were children again.Playing games, wrestling,pretending to be superstars.
Playing hide and seek.
I foud him,Standing alone in the street.Shattered teeth and bleeding gums.He hung his head,“I’ve lost something.” He leads me to his toy chest.
He shows me his dolls.Bewildered, I looked around. I see torn fragments of his soul all over the walls.
How did he get so dirty?
We kneeled ,and I bathed him in tears.
Then, because he could no longer bear his own , I lent him my soul.
I close my eyes, a tear slips down my cheek.I reach my heart out to him.“believe, believe.”I pray he hears me.
I cleaned my cameras today.Grandma gave me my first camera. She gave me a way to see every bit of the world.A world, grandma always feared.Sometimes the world moves so fast. Grandma is safe ,forever dwelling in the past.
Grandma’s camera failed me at the Funeral
The Funeral. The day I couldn’t get the film loaded right.
The day I took Ashley’s last pictures ,and they will forever be blank. The day I was forced to let go a dream. The day I fell.
The day Sherrie entered the room . She wept my tears . She picked me up ,She helped me to stand.We trembled together.My Bosom friend and I.
The kind old man , held my hand and and whispered “I’m so proud of you.” The last words I heard from his lips. He jioned Ashley a week later.
My father in heaven.
How long since I gave thanks? Thank you Lord. for the blessings in my life.Thank you ,for the lessons that make me a better ,stronger person.Forgive me ,my sins.I pray for those who don’t know love.
Finally I can relax. I breathe deep and slow. I let myself sleep.