four years

i will miss our hellos
but not our goodbyes.

every moment we spend
is the happiest i can remember.
every smile, every laugh,
every stupid random moment.

I have taken these moments for granted
thinking they would be a part of my life
i could summon upon request
and exploit for my own enjoyment.

I never saw them for the perfect moments
i cannot live without.

you make me feel funny
and smart
and beautiful.

feelings I only dreamed
would consume me

why has it taken me this long,
too long
to realise what you mean to me.

will all our random adventures,
spontaneous laughter,
alcohol induced affection and
rare teases of more
be lost in your structured routine,
of which i am no longer a part of.

you say in four years
we will be together again.
inseparable pub bandits…
but with a deposit on a house?!

four years seems like a lifetime.

will i still be here?
waiting,
innocent, inexperienced.

or will we remain a perfect part
of each others pasts
as we travel new and desireable paths.

they say everything
happens
for a reason.
Maybe i shall realise this
in time.

but for now this is a heartbreaking desire
i have locked away
until the ship prepares for sail.

how long before the novelty fades
and we are no longer immersed
in teenage emotion.

how long until letters are reduced
from days
to weeks
to months
and we suddenly run out of words to say.

will we lose each other in different worlds?
from different morals or new hearts?

I will always reserve love for you
but i cant promise to hold on,

but for you,
i can promise to try.

goodbye…
x
x

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