Oh God...Really?
I have this open non-judgemental vibe. And people tell me things, sometimes weird things.
Back in the 90s, I smoked. At the place I worked I could smoke only if I was in a private office. So I would take turns with the management, sit and listen to them on the phone making sales calls. Or sometimes they’d like one up too.
I always liked Angie, she was fiesty and bitchy and unpredictable. But today she was in a “sharing” mood.
Angie: “Yeah, I don’t shit.”
Sorry but, I can’t recall how it got introduced in the conversation EITHER, but I remembered that statement.
Me: “Whaddiya mean you don’t shit? That sounds, well…ummm..uncomfortable.”
Angie: “I think I’m going to have to have a plastic asshole installed.”
Me: [staring at her blankly…hesitation’’’] “Huh? Did you say plastic…asshole installation??”
Angie: “Yes, my sister already has one. We both have bad constipation and her asshole broke, she couldn’t push anything out of it. She tried so hard that it almost ripped her colon to shreds.”
Me: [Holy CRAP!] “Oh, bless her heart…that had to be strange for her.”
I mean, how do you pursue that option? I didn’t know they MADE plastic assholes!
Angie: “My asshole is almost broken. I haven’t shit in more than a week.”
Me: “Ummm, DAMN Angie, I’m sorry to hear that. I should be getting back to work now. Thanks for letting me smoke with you.”
I was stunned…I sat down in a sales managers office for a smoke and know I’m thinking about her broken asshole.
Dammit, I think I burned my tie! Shit, I need to quit smoking!
If it had been in today’s world, i would have gone straight back to my desk and Googled it… I’ll pass.
Cathleen Taraw...
Lol, people are just weird.
TheDigitalSoul
I know, tell me about it! That had to be on of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had. I still don’t know if she got the “installation” done.