Permanently disabled 13 years now. Severe Chronic Pain. Homebound. I meditate the beautiful for escape and healing. Senior Male. Married. Wife and Daughter artists too.
I can only spend short periods of time out of bed. Only 10 min at a time at the computer, a few times a day. (Usually less). I organize for photography before taking shots so as to make the most of my time out of bed. Most of my photography work is done indoors with the use of flower boxes hanging from the windows. It’s always a race against rising pain to finish without help. My wife does help me set things up and for this I am very grateful and lucky.
I started looking at Photographs on the Web to find material for meditation exercises that would allow me relaxation in fantasy flight from pain. In this way I also found my imagination.
As difficult as you may imagine this to be, the worst part of it is some of the people I must encounter. You don’t notice them. I didn’t notice them either before I became disabled and in pain. But they are there and they have a thousand ways to judge you negatively for your pain, “nicely”. They are disturbed by any association with some one who lives in chronic misery even if I do struggle to move past it, into the light. I have been told that “I don’t love life enough.” “And that I am not right with God – That’s why I suffer”. " His life is so limited. How rich can his love be?" " He has no choice’s". Or, instead of tenderness, they pay lip service to love while running the other way. " Hurt people hurt people". That’s how they justify it. The abuse of the disabled stands on historical foundations as old as Mankind. And the disabled don’t always win arguments. They are, after all, disabled. In the long run, people who think that way, are as villainous as any.
They kill horses that suffer without the possibility of resolution and cats and dogs too, but not human beings. I’m told that’s because humans live for higher values. Will somebody please tell my weak spirited friends who are mean because they are ignorant, that I am living for those higher values. Values they may never have to cling to as tightly as I do.
Mostly, I do still life photography and poetry. Poetry comes spontaneously almost completely finished. Poems write themselves or they don’t get past my censors. I call that “inspiration”, if I’m working too hard for it, I probably don’t mean it – or deserve it.
I believe real Art is revolutionary intrinsically and may speak for our collective heart in all it’s ways. I believe that real Art may be revolutionary in the way that telling the truth is always revolutionary. . . My intention is to always move you, not to always please you, unless you ‘re here for the art.There are lots of people here for the Oxytocin rush. Many people fail to realize that those pleasant hormonal feelings depend on empathy to have them work. Their misfortune is that empathy is a conduit for both pleasant AND unpleasant feelings. To adore a kitten you must also be willing to feel terrible should it be run over by a car. Sorry, that’s just the sad fact of life. The same hormones that bring you love also bring you heartbreak and the general chemistry of it says you can’t have one without the other. If you’d rather I didn’t tell you this than you are one of those people. If you are abashed, you are one of these people.This will not be as rich a place for you as it could be, even if you do keep coming back for more. Even if you work here.
The modern world we live in knows that “good feelings sell” and bad feelings don’t, so they wind up twisting us up about our own human nature. More important than feeling good or feeling bad is “living for meaning”. However you may find that meaning. Meaning has helped humanity live forward through all the necessary suffering there ever was and that’s a thought that warms and inspires me in a pleasant way. It is what helps me get through the day and the longest nights. Suffering for nothing is the worst of human fates. If you think love matters at all than you know that it begins with sharing and doesn’t shun the meanings we live for . It is, rather, at the heart of them.
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Some favorite music;http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8NN4fpdm40
CHRIS BOTTI IN BOSTON | “Emmanuel” w/ Lucia Micarelli | PBShttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIPiQi3PfHc
Chris Botti – A Thousand Kisses Deephttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIfZ8QSG8ko&...
Lullaby for Helenhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmO_0tIGo-4&...
Nina Simone – feelings (1976) HQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR5_oiayAew
Joe Cocker~You Are So Beautiful (Live at Montreux 1987)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPn0KFlbqX8
Cyndi Lauper – True Colorshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp1-5hDHqFw&...
Ennio Morricone – Malena (Titoli Di Coda)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHoAg-LlVVM&...
Don Williams Emmy Lou Harris – If I Needed You (with lyrics)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knMrQGHRJ7s&...
Josh Groban Awake Live: Lucia Micarelli – Kashmirhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOkL0aMwZXA
Toots Thielemans – Theme from Midnight Cowboy – European Quahttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVT_i2f6qTw
BEAUTIFUL SADNESS – JANE OLIVER- HERMOSA Thttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd4ozdA4kc8&...
♫ Love Is A Mysteryhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6Ye9G3HEsQ&...
So in love – k.d. langhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO59ITNCxzk
Conway Twitty – The rosehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzHWuzoX1QM&...
Barbra Streisand – If You Go Away (Ne Me Quitte Pas) – 2009http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgSc8kt95K4&...
Emmanuel – played by Toots Thielemans ( Michel Colombier ) – barhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5mocLXk7ZU
Slow Down the World – Chris Botti (whole albumj)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA266naCH_0
Santana and Dave Matthews – Love of My Life