coming close to god over a shot and a beer

i found helen
sitting by herself
at the bar one night

and after
i’d bought her
a bourbon and coke

she looked at me
and said
“don’t think
fer one minute that
yer buyin’ yer way
inta my pants.
i got jesus inside me
and can’t no one
gimme an orgasm
like him!”

she lifted her drink
and gave a toast
to the ceiling

drank the whiskey
in one swallow

and began
singing the hymn
“amazing grace”
as loud as she could
with her eyes
tightly closed.

she was halfway through
the first verse
when her entire body
began shaking
on top of
the barstool

and she let out
an orgasmic moan

before going back
to singing
“’twas blind but
now i see.”

she stopped singing

slowly opened her eyes

looked over at me again

and said
“see? jesus and me
do it
whenever i want.”

she ordered
another drink

while i paid my tab
and decided
that was as
close to heaven
as i ever wanted to


- terry everton

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