My first self portrait.
I’ve been talking to some friends, both on and off the bubble, about doing some self portraits. Partly to learn how to use my camera better…but primarily as a tool for healing…to help me see myself differently.
Going through this process was harder than I thought it would be. As I flipped through the different images to choose one to post the only audible voices in my head were those of self criticism and self doubt….both for the image itself and for the subject. Somewhere along the way I’ve ingrained as true all the negative things I’ve ever heard about myself and adopted them as my own beliefs.
I talked to several women throughout this experience, women I view as beautiful and admirable in every way, who say they have the same doubts and views about themselves. I find this sad….and wrong. It should be illegal really. I want to help change it.
In the end I decided to just pick one and to post it without it needing it to be perfect…in the end it just needed to be me.
This image was taken on the beach on my 41st birthday. I never use a tripod or the self timer…so that was challenge one. It was windy, so I thought the tripod would tip over and crash into the sand each time I moved away. It was cold…so I was wearing a shirt, two bulky sweatshirts and a big winter coat…moving gracefully was not an option.
I thought I’d squashed those voices years ago…but this journey revealed to me that some of them still live. I squash them now by posting this image and for my 41st year I choose the words “radical self acceptance” to remind me to put up a fight any time something negative tries to creep in….either that or I’ll be like the man from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and cure everything with Windex. :)