Grandad Four Hearts and the Loch Ness Monster

Grandad Four Hearts and the Loch Ness Monster

Grandad Four Hearts was at the bottom of the garden. He was in his shed inventing something. He was always inventing something. Last week he invented an Invisible Ray Gun that could shoot down any rocket in the whole world. The problem was because it was invisible he couldn’t find it again. Never mind…………..

Today he was inventing square eggs. They would be easy to stack and never rolled off the table. “Got it”, he cried, “I’ll feed the hens Sugar Cubes and Oxo Cubes”. What a ‘brill’ idea, he thought. The hens that ate the Sugar Cubes laid white eggs and the hens that ate the Oxo Cubes laid brown eggs… …and they were all square. Grandad Four Heart was really very clever.

Suddenly the telephone rang. Not the little, black, boring telephone that everyone used but the big red one that only rang when there was a real emergency.

It was Angus MacWilly on the line. Angus MacWilly was a very famous Scotsman. He was hundreds of years old and he had invented the kilt. He had to do this because Scotsmen always eat neaps and haggis. This used to make them go to the toilet. Sometimes they were slow to take their underpants down and this clan became known as the McSkidmarks. When Angus MacWilly invented the kilt this solved the problem: they could go to the toilet faster than a Scotsman picking up a penny …………very vast.

Any way, Angus had a big problem. ‘Nessie’ the Loch Ness Monster had two baby Nessies. Nessie was so old and tired she couldn’t teach them how to swim. “Someone has to teach them”, said MacWilly, “or they will sink into the murky waters of Loch Ness.

“No problem”, said Grandad Four Hearts. He got into His Space Ship and whizzed to Honley.

“William, Charlie, we’ve got to save the baby Nessies, they can’t swim”.

“Take it easy Grandad Four Hearts, you’ll have a
heart attack, a heart attack, a heart attack, a heart attack.“ ”We’ll teach them!”

Soon they were on their way in the Rocket to Loch Ness. The baby Nessies were just lying there looking very sad.

“Right”, said William, “shoulders under the water”. “Stretch as far as you can”, said Charle. “Reach out and kick those legs”, said William and Charlie together.
At the end of the day both Nessies were swimming like sharks. Mummy Nessie was so happy. “Well done boys”, said grandad Four hearts “You are stars”.

“No probs” said the boys, We’ll just have a round of golf at St Andrews and whizz back to Honley. “Ok”, said Grandad Four Hearts “Don’t forget head down ans still and eye on the ball”. “Listen at him” thought William and Charlie “He doesn’t know his putter from a driver”.

When the game was over (both at ten under par) they rocketed back to Honley.

“Thanks again”, said Grandad Four Hearts.
“No probs, ” said William and Charlie.
They went inot their house, unlocked the cellar door to let the baby-sitter out, had their supper and went off to bed.
“Not a bad day” said Charlie. “Not a bad day at all” said William. And they both fell fast asleep …………….. faster than a Scotsman picking up a penny.

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Grandad Four Hearts and the Loch Ness Monster by 


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