Subject: Returning To Work

From: The Head
To: You

Hello You,

As you know, I’ve been on long service leave for the past five years due to Project XX. As a result of this project’s completion, I am returning to work on Monday to begin preliminary planning on Project EX.

I understand that during my absence, all business matters have been directed to the Heart, and as such I thought it relevant to advise you that it has been put on probation for serious misconduct.

Some of the allegations include: “inability to take decisive action”, “incapacitation during fact finding missions” and “failure to display logic in various circumstances”. The board is aware of these issues and will return to the matter of continued employment after the probationary period.

For my part, I would like to draw to your attention to the fact that a large portion of my emails to you during this period remained unanswered and/or unopened. While I appreciate that the situation called for a certain amount of specialised skill, which the Heart no doubt provided, I would like to take this opportunity to highlight the following:

YOU STUPID TWOT. How many times did you fob me off in the past five years?!? Now you come running back to me with a headless body and a bleeding chest?! I didn’t think it was possible for you to be any more pathetic, and yet here you are, sobbing all over me, whimpering like a preschooler with a skinned knee. YOU UNGRATEFUL BLUBBERING MESS.

I’ll see you in the office.

Kind regards

The Head
Senior Director of You

Currently unavailable for purchase

Subject: Returning To Work by 

A long overdue correspondence.


  • jtaft
    jtaftabout 6 years ago

    ahh yet again, it speaks:) So cleverly done jodi

  • SwaySlayer
    SwaySlayerabout 6 years ago

    I keep trying to shush it but to no avail..
    Thanks love! X

  • jtaft
    jtaftabout 6 years ago

    Never shush it, it is for all the rest of us who do not know how to express it ourselves

  • Holly Werner
    Holly Wernerabout 6 years ago

    Oooooh this is so me! How did you get in my head? lol Well done.

  • msclairesunday
    msclairesundayabout 6 years ago


  • bellmusker
    bellmuskerover 5 years ago

    How could I not have seen this?! Wonderful work – sharp and pithy with an undercurrent of distress that doesn’t quite get swallowed by the humour, and I’m so glad about that. God, I cringe to think of what my memos would have read like after my own less than wise projects :-) I love this!

  • Leon A.  Walker
    Leon A. Walkerover 5 years ago

    Very cool piece!!! Eventually “The Head” has to take action in these matters.

  • Ushna Sardar
    Ushna Sardarover 5 years ago

    Its awesome!! would you join us in Core? :) would love put up this piece on home page! many blessing! huggles

  • Jboo09
    Jboo09over 5 years ago

    Funny and smart, I love this!

  • MayaStorm
    MayaStormover 5 years ago

    stunning – very funny and always so true !

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