Wendy Slee

Life never ceases to amaze me, w ith its potential for drama and excitement constantly “lurking”….well with my life it does anyway!

I’ve reached the weekend and made it through the week. And what a week it has been!
It has been one of many unsettling experiences, where I find myself questioning…..how the heart does not harden completely so that another living thing or experience can ever touch it, how you can want so badly to never “feel” anything again, yet all the while be just plain grateful that it doesn’t happen like that, because then you would miss out on the joy that creeps in like a surprise when you are not expecting it, and touches the places beneath the armour and make your heart sing. I marvel at the pit you can dig for yourself, yet however full of exhaustion or despair it might become, it can also contain proportionately the same amount, if not more, joy and gratitude.

I wonder at nature and life and miracles and why they sometimes don’t happen how you want, yet occur when you least expect them. And most of all, I am just deeply grateful for the ability to laugh at myself and have a sense of humour at life’s turbulent moments of chaos and fleeting glimpses of euphoria.

Last Thursday night, a new baby arrived in the family…..a little foal. Having bred horses for over twenty years, I never get over the huge energy buzz I get to witness a birth, discover a new baby, or see a foal untangle the little body from the long legs and master the art of equine life so quickly. It is always an emotional and, for me, a spiritual moment. These days, such moments are rare, as I no longer have a herd or run an official breeding establishment, I only have my old stallion Mystic (well past retirement age, but you try telling him that!) and his long time girlfriend Wildfire, a little mare I bred 16 years ago. We have also been agisting Mariah, a little mare for my friend’s 9yo daughter, trying to get her in foal, but after two years, had given up on it ever happening. Until of course…….

I had been heading off to bed, and had actually done something out of character for me, and in an effort to achieve a pain free night following such a desperately busy week, I took some ibuprofen (my condition worsens at times of tiredness and stress, so the pain levels become quite hard to handle, though normally, I refuse to use anything from drug companies….) Anyhow, off to bed I went, and pulled up the covers – it is unseasonably cold here – the nights are generally warm, but of course, Murphy’s Law says that was about to happen would NOT happen on a nice balmy night.

So….I awaken to squeals…..
“Go away” I thought. “It is nothing”
But on a farm, you get to know all the little noises of the bush, the birds, the critturs in general, and you just KNOW when they are not right. So the squeals I recognized were of horses meeting new horses, not old horses getting very familiar!! I thought my niece’s show horses must have gotten loose and come visiting my little horses.

I grabbed the torch, and headed out in my sleepwear, barefooted and all (glad it was dark and the nearest neighbours were miles away) There was my little mare Wildfire with a new baby foal and she was squealing and kicking, trying to keep it away from Mariah and the stallion. I got excited and started calling to her, as I managed to squeeze through the barb wire fence without losing anything more than my dignity.

Then I spotted Mariah dragging the afterbirth behind her, and got such a shock. She was not even supposed to be in foal, and this new baby was HERS!. She was not barren after all, and had actually been in foal all year, even though sharing a very intimate time with the stallion and fooling us all! It was a huge shock, as all I could think of was how overjoyed the little girl who owned her would be, as it had been her birthday that day. I could imagine her shock and delight when I broke the news!

My first problem was parting the expectant Mother from a foal that she was determined was hers ( probably wondering at how pain free and instant the birth had been!!!) and avoiding the flying heels and threat of teeth on my bare legs…. You know how cranky new Mothers can be, or even the ones who THINK they are!

Eventually, I caught Wildfire in the dark and got her across to a gate into the next paddock, and I tried to get her through the broken gate, with one hand and naturally she did not make it simple. But at last she went through, and the obliging old boy Mystic followed her. (The maternity wing was “women’s business” and he wanted no place in there, even if it was his progeny there wobbling it way around and looking for a mother!)
(It reminds me of him with his foals two years ago…if ever I have seen a stallion look mortified and embarrassed, it was this old boy, when the little foals would rush up to him and stick their inquisitive noses into his nether regions looking for a feed! Lol)

I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking “now Mariah can get to her baby and bond and have some rest”.

But no. I suddenly realized the paddock I had pushed the other two horses into had its other gate wide open, and away went those two, off down towards the highway.

So in the freezing wind, still in my pjs, and with only a little torch, off I went after them. And did the old cat and mouse game. They would let me get within a few metres of them, then with a “yippee! We’re free!” they would trot off with their noses and tails in the air. Bugger! There was no way they were about to give up their new found freedom! And anyone who has been around horses will know you do not chase them – you will never win!

So through one paddock and another, I followed them, calling out oh so nice things, promising them all kinds of treats…all the while gritting my teeth…..and hoping the torch didn’t pack it in. Eventually they went towards the dairy, which is where it got really frightening for me, as the swampy damp ground, long grass and drains were full of snakes at this time of year, one of them being the Tiger snake, Australia’s second most venomous snake.

I took a deep breath, swallowed my fear and plowed across the grass, a place I would not even walk over in broad daylight. I just prayed the snakes would be asleep somewhere else or at least feeling kind.

Eventually Mystic, the old darling, came back to me, allowed me to catch him by the mane, and I lead them back to their paddock. On the way back across the dark long grass, I felt sharp sting on my barefoot and thought “It is nothing but a sharp stick I have trodden on”.

By the time I got them safely home and the mare with her foal (it was a filly!!) settled under the trees out of the wind, I was frozen and it was almost 1am. I got indoors and had a wash, then sat down to look at my foot. There was one puncture wound on my toe and it was quite sore. So….I asked myself “Is it a snake bite (ha! A one toothed snake or just one with a bad aim!) or a bullant or bee sting? ”

At this point, the adrenalin had my heart pumping from rushing out after the horses and the excitement of finding a new foal, and the ibuprofen had kicked in and I was feeling quite dizzy and drowsy – so I thought, “Is this the effect of snakebite?”

I felt really stupid….should I go into the hospital and look like a real dill if it is only a bee sting, or will I look worse than an idiot if I die in my sleep and the kids find me in the morning! I did not wish to call anyone at that hour of the morning, yet my thoughts turned to my two young children asleep in their beds. What to do? I called the hospital and they told me to come in and spend the night in hospital, but I thought it would not be easy with my children….so I decided to wait it out.

So I got on Redbubble, (the perfect place to go when you could be dying from snakebite, of course!) even though really tired, and played on there for an hour, and quietly monitored my physical signs…..
and as you can tell, it was NOT snake bite and I am still as large as life and shiny side up!!

The next day, we called up the owners of the new baby and told them the good news. The little filly was a dear sweet thing, very friendly and strangely bonded to me and the other humans. She was a bit slow drinking from her mother, so I had to milk the mare and syringe it into her mouth to ensure she got the colostrum. This is to give baby as much of the goodness and protection from her mother as she could get. The young girl who owned her, arrived with her family and the look on her face was priceless. The baby was christened “Rosy”, It was an absolutely delightful time, and one that would become even more precious with what was about to unfold.

By the following morning, I knew something was very wrong with the mare. She was not eating and alarm bells went off.
Two years prior to this, I had lost my favourite mare I’d had for 18 years, to hyperlipemia, right after foaling, and had to raise an orphan baby. Now Mariah was showing signs of the same.

And so it was. We got the vet, we consulted professional breeders who had saved mares with this condition before (I had never known anyone to bring a mare back from this bloody horrible disease yet!!), and I began the process of trying to save her. We took the precious baby off Mother’s milk and started hand feeding her. This was to give the Mother a chance to stop metabolizing her body fat to produce milk and perhaps slow down her disease. I injected her with insulin and syringed sucrose mix down her throat every few hours, and tried so vainly to get her to eat something.

What a precious little soul was the filly – she stuck her head in the dish of formula and drank. She followed us around; when my front door opened, she neighed to me in her little raspy voice. She KNEW. She knew her life was going to revolve around humans and not her mother, and she almost accepted it from the very onset. As I recall the day after her birth, she was just as happy to be with humans as with her own Mother.

And poor Mariah….. we fought so hard for her, but she simply gave up. After five days of struggling to save her, of hopes raised, and heartbreaking scenes, I told her owners that I believed she was ready to go, and that to keep her alive was not kind. So I had her put down.
These things are never easy. I hate every part of this side of owning animals – no matter how kind the actions are, I cannot hear a gun without freezing to the pit of my soul, and I still shed tears for the grand souls of these noble creatures as they pass over. The hardest part is to not hold onto regret and blame myself for things not done correctly, or time not spent more wisely…. Or whatever….the lessons abound…. Still, around my home, there are so many ghosts of loved ones….that have moved beyond the road I walk….
I love my horses so much, death always seems so unfair.

So, I saw Mariah returned to the Earth and the baby went to the vet hospital to spend some time getting stronger before taking on its new life as one of a human family in a suburban backyard. I know that little life wouldn’t be an easy one, but it will be filled with love, and I will always welcome back young Rosey to stay here on the farm and learn to socialize with real horses.

Then, I checked my other two horses, and Wildfire was making milk, it was dripping from her teats. Another birth was imminent.
I brought her into my garden (a large tree filled yard) where I could watch her more easily, and after last check went to my very welcome bed.

Half an hour later, I am awoken to a knocking under the house. I had the dog tied up under there (the only place I could put her to keep her away from sick horse and foal and any other not so pleasant items that she might roll in or eat – well you know dogs will be dogs!) I grabbed the torch yet again and outside I went. These night time jaunts in my sleepwear were starting to become monotonous!

There was Wildfire running up and down the side of my house looking very upset. I got down on my knees and looked under the house with the torch and sure enough, there was one terrified dog (it wasn’t ME!!!! She was saying) and one very active baby foal. I hate under my house…it is dark and creepy and full of spiders and often even the place where snakes live. But under I crawled in my pjs, and captured the foal and dragged her out. Yes her! A filly, and what a stunner!! So this one, I am sure, had hit the ground running, and once out under the stars, away she went, at a tiny gallop, racing around the yard, with her distressed mother hot on her heels.

This went on for four hours! I don’t know what that baby was on, but she was definitely hyperactive. She ran through fences, jumped through cracks in gates, through gardens and shrubs, went back under the house three more times, and eventually, taking pity on the poor mare who needed to calm down, I barricaded the front section of my garden using everything I could find outside in the dark, and took them in there. Straight away the baby leapt into the dog house and went to the back, while the poor mare freaked out completely.

I honestly have never seen such an active baby. I was unable to go back to bed and leave them as I was so worried she would hang herself from somewhere. Or get stuck, or worse, get out and run away from her mother. Eventually she collapsed on the ground and they both got some rest, and THEN, I too, went back to bed. By this time, the sun was just starting to lighten the horizon.

But the next morning, I was greeted with the sight of my best Christmas present. She truly is a stunning little filly and both she and the mare were doing fine. After the traumas of the week however, I was definitely overly watchful and worried about the health of them both, not to mention, extremely sad for my friends and their daughter at the twist of fate that saw me with a healthy baby and mother, and them with a dead horse and an orphan foal. Somehow it seemed unfair.

So you see, between the lack of sleep and my concerns for all my creatures, not to mention the many emotions this has all evoked for me, I have barely had time to think about Christmas. I just ponder the sadness of our connections with animals, how there is always sorrow when they are ill or suffering, and death is never easy to deal with (even after all the years of heartbreaks and experiences I have had with my horses). I shudder at the necessity for guns on farms, they chill me to the core, yet know deep down, they can be a kind option for an animal’s peaceful and rapid release. How the fear creeps in when you love something…..at times I know, I have felt I will never own another horse, or get attached to another creature, or have another relationship, because the loss is so hard to bear – yet deep down the simple truth is, nothing lasts forever, but the effects and memories of love do, they are cumulative within our souls and become a part of who we are – love is always its own reward. Therefore any moments shared with another, whether human or animal, are a gift to honour, and never to be shied away from.
I come away from this week, heartened too by the awareness of joy in having them share our lives. These special characters are all a blessing to me, and teach me many things. I only have to witness the miracle of such new births to know that the cycle of life continues, that all is as it should be. Witnessing such moments brings tears in my eyes… an expression of love for life, and an overflowing of the heart.

The final word – two days later, a horse float arrives at my front door, and the woman driver unloads a little mare, who has come to visit my stallion. The process begins again…