The Affair

The Affair

I’m having an affair with insomnia.
I’m out with insomnia star gazing,
Sharing out dated cereal and listening to records spinning.
We lounge in the lazy boy chair, kick back and count the ceiling tile squares.
I’m having an affair with insomnia when I should be at home with my soul mate.

I couldn’t resist his charm.
He promised nights of no shadows or dreadful ghosts that would sneak up on me and steel my breath, leaving me cold and naked in a sweat soaked bed.
I’m drawn to the way he makes me shake and
The way I almost lose my mind when he’s overstayed his welcome.
I’m captivated by the way he steals that same mind and refuses to return it until it’s broken and useless.

I’m having an affair with Insomnia.
I’m not at home with my companion who offers a greater evil.
I am not reduced to submission or forced to straddling the muddled line between what is real and what is horror.
My husbandly companion is not privy to the longing I have for his contender.
He is unaware that while in his arms I dream of and yearn for his brother.

Time and again Sleep has proven to sustain me and
To support the growth of my heart.
But I turn my back on this soul mate and
Reach for the cold hands of someone who knows me less intimately.
Insomnia does not contain the details of a life I’d rather forget or
Recall time and events in colours too vivid for words.
I’m not in the warmest of beds with the softest of pillows on sheets of 1000 stitches per square inch.
There is no lace bed skirt to drape the box that tethers me to images that tear, rip and devastate an already fragile existence.
My affair does not arrest both day and night nor constantly remind me of my dependency on his plagues.
He only ravages time and space differently, manageably.
I feel the lips of this affair as I lay beneath my husbandly owner,
The one that traps me in a state of fear and suspended time.
The one who walks with me at a saunter down paths that lead to the same dead ending.
I pear over my owner’s shoulder and whisper the name of my lover, Insomnia.

Copyright 2009 F. Magdalene Austin All Rights Reserved

The Affair

F. Magdalene Austin

Indianapolis, United States

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