Was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
There was a small creature the size of a mouse.
The knives were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Evil Santa soon would be there.
The children were gagged and tied to their beds,
While visions of demons creeped in their heads.
And mother in her ‘kerchief, heard the drips of a tap,
As she just settled down for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose a big splatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters to see a throat being slashed
The moon was full and shined on the snow
The howls of werewolves started to grow.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a large sleigh, and eight fearsome deers.
With a old creepy driver, so lively and quick,
I knew for a fact it was evil St Nick
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and yelled, and called them by name!
“Now Slasher! now, Dancer! now, Cancer and Vixen!
On, Vomit! On, Stupid! on, Donner and Splitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now smash away! smash away! smash away all!”
And then, in a thud, I heard on the roof
The knocking and clawing of each monster hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Evil Santa came with a snarling pet hound.
He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,
His clothes were all torn and he had blood on his boot.
A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a killer, waiting to hack.
His eyes were glowing from being so merry!
His cheeks were all wrinkled his nose like a rotten cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
His beard was white with grey starting to show.
The stump of a pipe he held in his yellow teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a scary face and a large round belly,
That shook when he sniggered, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right insane old elf,
And I screamed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A glare of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He pulled out a knife, then turned with a jerk.
And with a quick slice he cut off my nose,
And giving a smirk, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘as he drove out of sight,
“Happy Grinchmas to all, and to all a good-fright!”