AUSTRALIAN HUMOR QUOTES

Ah I,m proud to be an Australian. We are a weird Mob, born of many of the best and worst from around the world and all cooked under a blazing Sun till cooked just right or Overdone. My stint in New York for 14 years made me appreciate the place I came from that I have always called my true Home.

Australian wisdom

Quotes by Australians

By way of personal instinct, I have an inherent distaste for grandiose rhetorical statements, which don’t have any substantive dimension to them – Kevin Rudd prime minister

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once – anon

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour – anon

Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes – anon

Never complain, never explain personal motto of Kerry Packer – billionaire

A determined soul will do more with a rusty monkey wrench than a loafer will accomplish with all the tools in a machine shop Robert Hughes – art critic and author

Winning needs no explanation, losing has no alibi Greg Baum – journalist

The bigger the hat, the smaller the property – Australian proverb

A champion team will always beat a team of champions – Early Collingwood Magpies teams

Unless you’re willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won’t happen Phillip Adams – Left-wing journalist

All our best heroes are losers Richard Glover – radio presenter

Always back the horse named self-interest, son. It’ll be the only one trying – Jack Lang – Labor premier

As a work of art, it reminds me of a long conversation between two drunks – Clive James

I’ve never seen anyone rehabilitated by punishment Henry Lawson – poet

The true Aussie battler and his wife thrust doggedly onwards: starting again, failing again, implacably thrusting towards success. For success, even if it is only the success of knowing that one has tried to the utmost and never surrendered, is the target of every battler Michael Page & Robert Inapen – authors

It’s dead easy to die; it’s the keeping on living that’s hard – Douglas Mawson – Scientist and polar survivor

May as well be here we are as where we are -Australian Aboriginal saying

A Platypus is a duck designed by a committee – anon

Do you know why I have credibility? Because I don’t exude morality Bob Hawke – Prime Minister

It’s no good crying over spilt milk; all we can do is bail up another cow Joseph Chiefley – Prime Minister

It is long accepted by the missionaries that morality is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing people wore – Alex Carey

The twentieth century has been characterized by three developments of great political importance: the growth of democracy, the growth of corporate power, and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy – Alex Carey

Nationalism is both a vital medicine and a dangerous drug Geoffrey Blainey – Historian

When you play test cricket, you don’t give the Englishmen an inch. Play it tough, all the way. Grind them into the dust Don Bradman – Cricket player

It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies Arthur Calwell – Politician

If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he’s probably a billionaire. Or, just conceivably, a wharfie – Australian observation

A Man of Business is one who becomes possessed of other people’s money, without bringing himself under the power of the law Marcus Clarke – historian

A man may be a tough, concentrated, successful money-maker and never contribute to his country anything more than a horrible example Robert Menzies – Prime minister

The best way to help the poor is not to become one of them Lang Hancock – mining magnate

Ordinary people need to lead and not sit there and think that governments are going to spoon feed them Ian Kiernan – organiser of Clean up Australia Day

There is nothing so costly to the state as a ruined life Catherine Spence – Social and political reformer, writer and teacher

Shoot straight you bastards. Don’t make a mess of it Harry (Breaker) Morant – executed soldier and poet

The most intense hatreds are not between political parties but within them Phillip Adams – journalist

The difference between a stupid man and a wise one is the stupid man’s inability to calculate the consequences of the action. The same goes for government Brian Penton – journalist

Encourage your people to be committed to a project rather than just involved in it. You know the difference between involvement and commitment don’t you? In a meal of bacon and eggs, the chicken is involved, the pig is committed Richard Pratt – billionaire

Australians will never acquire a national identity until individual Australians acquire identities of their own Patrick White – author

Those who lose dreaming are lost – Australian Aboriginal proverb

Its like the axe that’s had two new blades and three new handles but otherwise is just as it was when grandfather bought it – Australian proverb

The law locks up the man who steals the goose from the common, but leaves the greater criminal loose who steals the common from the goose – convict saying

If I had a donkey What Wouldn’t go, do you think I’d wallop him, oh dear no – convict saying

Why are people so unkind? Kamahl – singer

One gets tired of the role critics are supposed to have in this culture: It’s like being the piano player in a whorehouse; you don’t have any control over the action going on upstairs Robert Hughes – author and critic

Nothing they design ever gets in the way of a work of art Robert Hughes – author and critic

We want to create a sort of linguistic Lourdes, where evil and misfortune are dispelled by a dip in the waters of euphemism Robert Hughes – author and critic

Dog must not steal from dog – convict saying

Such is life Ned Kelly – bushranger

I have outlived that care that curries public favour or dreads the public frown…let the hand of law strike me down if it will, but I ask that my story be heard and considered Ned Kelly – bushranger

If you go out for a big night and by some misadventure you end up in a prison cell, you can count on your best friend to bail you out, but your best mate will be in there besides you ….Australian observation

Out in the bush, the tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor – Australian observation

There is nothing more Australian than spending time in somebody else’s country – anon

A queer country, so old that as you walk on and on, there’s a feeling comes over you that you are gone back to Genesis – Australian bushman

The wowser mistakes the world for a penitentiary and themselves as the warden – Australian observation

It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others – anon

We cultivated our land, but in a way different from the white man. We endeavoured to live with the land; they seemed to live off it Tom Dystra – Aboriginal man

The Australian nation is a nation of blow-ins and we’ve got the lot here – bog Irish, reffos, dagos, wogs, slopes, you name it Bill Leak – cartoonist

A fair go for all, regardless of ethnicity, race, religion, except for Poms, Seppos and Kiwis – anon

The wisdom of Errol Flynn

It isn’t what they say about you, it’s what they whisper

I am not biased against the rich because they are rich, but the most lively people are those without money who would like to have some

I crave the indulgence of my senses but this is countered by an interior desire that is even keener than my senses to know the meaning of things

I enter a whorehouse with the same interest as I do the British museum or the Metropolitan – in the same spirit of curiosity. Here are the works of man, here is an art of man, here is the eternal pursuit of gold and pleasure. I couldn’t be more sincere. This doesn’t mean that if I go to La Scala in Milan to hear Carmen I want to get up on the stage and participate. I do not. Neither do I always participate in a fine representative national whorehouse – but I must see it as a spectacle, an offering, of of a nation.

I am on the side of the underdog except when I am on the side of the rich

Has every oyster a different taste?

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AUSTRALIAN HUMOR QUOTES

eon .

Joined June 2007

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Australian Humour Its different and baked by a Bigger Sun

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